A random story of mine

[Just a Nobody]

This will be a story of mine... one of many. But unlike the other ones which suite in this theme, im proud of this one to happen... well... most of it. End should have been better.

It will be a year by now. He was a good guy. I guess he´s doing all right up there. But first things first.

I first met him about the end of August back there. He was exactly as same as i. Experienced the same pain you know. Both of us totally destroyed by our lifes here. Naturally we tried to get the other one know better, cause both of us knew that the other one will undetstand. Later we even spent more and more time together, supporting each other, hearing the other´s thoughts and so. But even though we were happier than before, our mutual deppresion haven´t faded away. Still carrying our burdens further. And then it came.

One evening he texted me if i have some free time back then. Even if i didn´t have, i would always make time for him. He just started with general chatting, like nothing is happening. But then a sentence „I´m gonna go suicide myself“ draw my attention hard. I was asking what is happening, and if couldn´t help somehow. He said no, that he is already made his choice. He explained how he get to that conclusion. When he finished himself he said: „Think about it. Take your time before you answer.“ But i hadn´t needed time for answering. I completely understood how he felt and get to this end. I knew that there wasn´t any chance of persuading him to not to do it. All i could have done, is support him. I know it may sound horrible, but once someone made a decision like this and that person does know why he is gonna do it, there is no way of changing it. You can delay it, but not change it. So i said i understand once more and he seemed to be trully happy about that. I asked if there´s anything i could help him with. He asked if i can wrote something down for him, and keep it as long as i can. „Of course i can do that.“ i said. So i have written down all he said, his thoughts, his explanations to everything... his messages to those left was going to leave. And i safely keep it still in my PC and some disk to be sure, locked down as long as i will be able to. It´s the least i could have done for him.
And too, i will always remember our final chat.

Him: „So... i think this is the end, huh?“
Me: „Yeah... seems so.“
Him: „Ok then. And be sure, ill reserve a warm place on the other side once i get there for you“
Me: „Heh... that´s nice of you.“
Him: „It´s not a big deal.“
Me: „Maybe. But... you know... I´m happy i knew you.“
Him: „Me too. You made my leave more easier. I can now go with a calm heart, thanks to you.“
Me: „It was a pleasure... shame i am not able to do anything more for you.“
Him: „No, it´s ok... you have done more than i could wanted.“
Me: „Ok then.“
Him: „So... bye, and farewell on the other side.“
Me: „Bye...“

And so... he was gone. First moments i couldn´t believe it, i kept staring at the monitor, asking if i have done the right think. But yeah, i´ve done the right thing i think. Half an hour later when i stopped asking this question i looked out from window. It was raining... I haven´t slept whole night back there. I was still thinking about him if he had really done it.
The next day came... and then another. On the third one i caught up a message that he jumped of building and killed him himself that way. I... smiled, looked up to the sky and thought: „Give my regards to those on the other side, man.“
It will be a year by now since he left us. I will surely go to his grave. And a year after that, and after that. He... was a good guy, so he deserves it.

[JonsDragonEyes]

Hi there Just A Nobody. It's nice to meet you.

I think I've read your post almost a dozen times trying to find the right way to answer. What you wrote really breaks my heart.

I've always said that if there is a sword that can slay this monster called depression I haven't found it. And sadly so many can't.

In my heart though I know suicide is never ever the answer. I hope with all my heart that you never follow in your friends footsteps. I know that it might not seem to help much but this site here is an awesome place to start to find that " sword "

What I mean when I say that is there are so many kind , caring people here that truly understand the hell your going through. So I hope you please stay here with us because we would love to have you here.

Maybe someday we can all find that " sword " together.

Love and Hugs

[Just a Nobody]

Yeah, i know JonsDragonEyes. I´m not walking the path he did. Well, not in that meaning.

You see, he had it´s own reasons and conclusions with depression. I have my own. And i have made my own way how to deal with it.

Even though im still in the deeps of depression, i have not fallen for alcohol or drugs and never will. It´s difficult to say, because my way is not understanded by most of people. Even from this group, who experienced the same.

I never wanted to join groups like this. Not before. Even though it was hard for me, i was barely ok, far from things like my friend did. Just recent situations made me feel like "yeah, i want to help people out there from having the same pain as i" so now i´m here, ready to offer my help to anybody who needs it.