Not my best day

[Forget]

I went to church on Saturday and the priest said something along to lines of: "living means doing something fulfilling, if not then living just means breathing in air and existing." Through my journey of depression since it started, over the last few months at first I was just existing, then I tried doing more fulfilling things, going places, connecting with people (or at least trying) but it seems like lately I'm just going back to the safety of just existing.

I think it's because I've becoming unhappy all over again going through the stages of grief, every few weeks I seem to be repeating over all the stages of grief over and over and it's exhausting and I'm sick of it. I'm so sad lately that all I do is go to work (and spend all that time holding in my emotions), then come back home and just become a hermit and cry.

I'm grieving because the man that I loved so much asked me for a divorce and now I feel like the only way I can be happy again is by finding someone who will love me and I know it's only to try to get rid of the pain and because I don't love myself, I never have and I don't think I ever will. After all, if the man who used to love me could just stop, then what am I worth to anyone?

I know all of this sounds stupid, but it's just the way I feel right now .

[Sadsack]

Hi Forget
Can you stop been so hard on yourself, you are a great person and a beautiful one too. Have you got anyone you can confide in at work? You mustn't turn into a hermit, it doesn't do you any good - I know, I spent months and months not going out, I left my job and it doesn't help. You have to talk to someone, or if you cant just keep writing down your feeling here. Everyone on this site has or is going through sad times and we can all help each other, just keep breathing each day and I promise that at some stage you will be able to see the good things in life again, even if its just going into the back garden or park and seeing the birds in flight, you need to smile again and believe that you are special. Look in the mirror and see the beautiful person you are.

[writeagain]

I'm going to be honest: You have to love yourself before opening yourself for others to love. Having a partner might not make things any better even though you may think so. Don't give up on yourself. YOU can live.

Find passion, find what makes you happy and let that fill you up and drive you. Your priest was right: living is doing something fulfilling but it's something that is fulfilling to you, something that fills you. YOU can find it.

good luck! Stay strong!