Failing

[lou_1986]

I've just joined this site because I'm really starting to feel like i cant cope with everything and there's no other help.

I've been on antidepressants for about 6 months and they worked but the last few days I've been feeling so useless and down about my life. I have a 7 year old daughter and she's the only reason i haven't tried to take my own life. And that's only because i couldn't know who would be looking after her when i was gone. If i knew she was gonna be looked after by someone that would give her a good life then i wouldn't be here. She deserves so much better than me, I'm so self involved in how rubbish my life is that I'm making hers the same.

Ever since i was a teenager I've felt like i didn't belong. I attempted suicide when i was only 12. Years of bullying about my weight, glasses bad hair has left me with such a warped opinion of myself that i constantly think nobody cares about me, that everyone thinks I'm just weird, a worthless nothing. This is especially true with members of the opposite sex, I'm 27 and I've never been in a relationship because i just have no idea on how to act with men, and I'm too shy to talk to anyone i like. Even my attempts on social networks or dating sites have resulted in me being ignored. Everyone shrugs this off like its not a big deal, but it is to me. I feel like I'm not good enough to be loved. I don't get why its so easy for everyone else and so out of reach for me.

I hate feeling like this, wish i could find a way to make my problems better because even my medication isn't working anymore

[nxalone]

Hey lou,

I'm really sorry you are going through what you are. I know that me saying sorry doesn't help much. But I just want you to know that you aren't alone. You do matter and are important. Everyone is.

I've been bullied for a good part of my life. I'm 28 years old. I was born with a birth defect that left me with a very mishaped head. It looks pretty funny. I really let peoples opinion of it affect me. I really did. I couldn't look at myself without hearing/seeing the bad things that people said about me. I let it define who I was. I tried to overcompensate and get in great shape, but it was never enough for anyone. I thought many times that I'd be better off dying. I have kids too and am on anti depressents. Hell, even my wife, who is supposed to be our one closest friend, has made fun of me for it. It killed me to the core.

Until one day I realized that I am what I am. Even if I had a perfect shaped head and a perfect body and an outstanding personality, it still wouldn't be enough for anyone. I learned that I have to be okay with who I am and only my opinion matters. I might not be the best looking, or anythign like that, but I am beautiful. I am unique. I had to learn that the change comes within me. Once I began to not care about other peopels thoughts, I began to really feel better. I had to learn to love myself, which isn't easy to do.

I say all these things to encourage you not to give up. Not to quit. Don't give up on loving yourself. You havea daughter, who doesn't see you how you see you. She see's you as her parent. Her provider and protector. More importantly you have you. You are someone. You are worth it. Keep on fighting Lou, even when you are uber tired and can't give anymore. Just know you are wonderful just the way you are.

Sorry I kind of rambled. I just have a feeling of what you are going through (no one can truly understand because you are you and only you know how that feels). We are all here for you. We might be world's away, but we're here.