Parents don't understand and they don't care?

[CrazyLady17]

Yes I do agree there Sara, she always makes me feel better

[CrazyLady17]

I tried to get my parents to come to visit me and to have a meetif with my crisis team and support worker and they refused to be part of it, I explain to them it'll help then support and help me and they still refused to come along. See?
I'm making all the effect and they make no effect at all...
This is such a disappointment, I dislike my parents right now.

[4EverMe]

Hi Abbz,
Please don't take this the wrong way, but are you sure you understood your mom or dad correctly?
I was contemplating all of the things they might have said that could have been misunderstood.

For example, I know that miscarriages can be dangerous, and periodically fatal for one who's pregnant. Were they lecturing you at all about getting pregnant, or something, and could have possibly said something to the effect that certain choices could result in you ending up dead?? It's just a thought...

I'm confused, though. I remember reading one of your posts not too long ago. I recall you giving a positive account of your parents visiting you for Christmas, and that they'd brought you gifts...
I just don't understand how they could go from one extreme to the next without reason- how they could just suddenly hate you. Could it be that you misunderstood something one of them said?

Also, I imagine that they've probably given you the typical parent to teen lectures, post to your pregnancy. When they do, does it often sprout into a yelling match that proceeds back and forth?
The reason I ask is because it's not very uncommon, when this happens, for everyone to be talking or shouting over one another. Of course, THIS will definitely result in either unclear, jumbled and misunderstood statements.

What do you think? It's just hard for me to wrap my head around the idea that your parents simultaneously "hate" you, and would still take the time to shop for Christmas gifts for you, etc.
Could it be that maybe there's been a mixture of things going on? Maybe there have been lectures given out of tough love, some misunderstandings and...misinterpretations of things you did hear?

All of these are worth considering, and might help in some way. No matter what, you're going to need a place to stay post to leaving the hospital. If you think that communication barriers could be one of the causes of this on-and-off rift between you and your parents, then NOW is the time to work on this.

Counselors are also trained in teaching couples and families the most effective communication skills. If you tell your counselor(s) that you'd be interested in giving this a try, and then present the idea to your parents, (in a positive way) then, not only could counseling help you and your parents- It will also reveal any issues with communication that might be preventing you all from continuing to get along.

Do you mind my asking what happened after Christmas between you all? Things don't tend to go from good to downhill, without reason. However, this was not to imply that you're the one at fault.
Your parents seemed to have a forgiving attitude toward you around Christmastime. It seems that they wish to forgive and trust you again...Sometimes, it's the way people relate to one another, and how thoughts/feelings are expressed that determine our relationships. Sometimes, listening without interrupting is an issue.

Anyway, I just wanted to put some ideas out there that might be worth considering.

Take care, Abbz

[CrazyLady17]

Hi there

It's okay....
Yes I'm pretty sure I understood my parent correctly...
Why say that?

Yes I know....
They were "nice ish" at Christmas like you said yes....
Nothing changed no?
I don't really argue back with my parents anymore as I have learnt over the years it doesn't work and I never win, so I don't argue back at my parents anymore I just do as what they tell me to do really..
Sucks as I'm a young adult now. Hmm..

Hmm....
Yes I do see your point here and will think long and hard about all your good points you've made here. So thank you for that

I have asked them before about counselling(when we lost my cousin last Feb) and they refused to come along and have some family counselling with me.
So what if they refuse family counselling again?
What do I do then eh?

Can't you see I'm making all the effect here and they aren't making any back?its always me, me me!!
I'm sick of it.

[4EverMe]

Hi Abbz,
How are you?
I'm sorry...It just seems to me as though there's got to be more to the situation...as though there's more to the situation. ?? Of course, you aren't obligated to share more than you wish if there is.

BTW, do your parents know that you're on this site, and what your profile name is? The reason I'm asking is because they could see what you've written about them, and this could also have a negative affect on your relationship with them. (such as when you've mentioned your hatred for them) Do you maybe have any other family member you've shared this info with, who might have shared the info with your parents?

I could be wrong, but it seems as though I read a post(s) where you'd stated that you're a waste of space and wished you were dead, etc. If that is a correct memory of mine, then it would be interesting that your parents threw those same words at you recently. Do you know what I mean? If you are sure that you didn't misunderstand them, could it be that they were throwing your own words back at you? The way someone might do in sarcasm?

Out of curiosity, is your dad still paying for your computer/phone bill? And, does your cousin with whom you Skype with know your profile name and read your posts? I'm not accusing anyone of looking at your threads. However, they are public where people can read them- including our loved ones.
Some friends and family members of mine know MY profile name and read some of my posts. Even if I hadn't shared my profile name with them, they'd probably be able to figure out which threads are mine, based on what info I've given.

Anyway, it's just a thought...

[Ieris]

Hey hi ieris,
I COMPLETELY agree with both the posts by you...like each and every word!!!! I get along with my parents very well. But still i am going to save ur posts somewhere with me.
U really seem to me, a really nice person, ieris.

A few parts of ur posts describes me. Trust me. Would like to share some thoughts of mine with u...very soon!
Till then, keep up the beautiful way of thinking, ieris.

Hello Sara,

Thank you for your kind words. Yes would be nice to hear more from you.
Have a lovely day

x

[dougsan]

People, I've been told, are necessary for people to develop and understand empathy. I have concluded empathy is not for me if it necessitates opening myself to the pain others inflict. Living as a recluse is all but necessary for me to survive mentally. My contact with the outside world is limited to professional or neighborly contact, NOTHING PERSONAL. They, and I do mean THEY don't know how to not hurt. I will walk a mile in their shoes but they will not spend five minutes in my mind. Depression, for me at least, is too personal to be shared with THEM. Only other depressed people tend to begin to understand.