my story.. (may trigger)

[kf9596]

This is a really big step for me to come out and talk about my story. Neither my friends or family know the full details of my life.
Back in 2007 I lost one of my close friends whilst studying at university, he went missing on a night out and his body was found three months later in the river, I blamed myself and constantly thought 'if only'. This is were my depression first started on reflection. As years have gone on I have had some good times, but I noticed when the bad times occurred my mood became worse and one evening I ended up attempting suicide. I was given no support from the hospital and I was sent home were it was no longer mentioned by my family. As a result I thought I was just 'being silly' and that I don't have a serious issue. As a result of doing this, back in July 2013 I started having serious suicidal thoughts, I started planning my suicide, I knew this wasn't normal, I HAD to seek medical help. I went to the doctor and told him exactly how I felt and that I needed help. He put me on antidepressants and referred me to a counsellor. These have both helped improved my mood and helped me deal with day to day situations. I have since started a seriously relationship with my boyfriend. Even tho my moods are better I still have bad days. My boyfriend doesn't know about my depression but I don't want to scare him away by telling him. I'm Currently at a low and I just want to be alone, He thinks he has done something wrong but I don't want to tell him the real reason................. so that's my story. Thank you for reading.

[kf9596]

any advise would be welcome as well...... feeling pretty low after writing that

[PixieArmy]

Hello kf9596

Welcome to the forums.

It is hard to trust in a relationship, most of us in some way or another have been made feel ashamed for dealing with a mental health issue.
However I do believe that your boyfriend needs to know whats going on so he can support you and know its not his fault.

Can you maybe consider talking about it with your counselor? My boyfriend goes to my therapy sometimes. Helps him know what is going on with me, and what he can do to help me get better. It has also made our relationship stronger.

Hope you can find support here and again welcome to our community.

Pix

[fallen]

i care and personally i would discuss this with your boyfriend at an appropriate moment .
i am glad you are getting help, it takes courage to seek help.
take care

[kf9596]

I do really want to tell him. I just dont know how to put it into words if that makes sense

[Ieris]

Hello kf9596,

It is never easy to lose someone you care about, but be glad that he was a part of your life than have never existed at all. Don't blame yourself for his death, you never wished for that to happen, if you could change things I know you would. Unfortunately we can't go back so try to move forward and live your life.

I am glad you have asked for medical help and that it has had a positive effect on you. I'm sure your boyfriend cares and worries about you so maybe let him know you need to be alone once in a while. I understand that is it hard to let your own problems become a burden to those around you but sometimes withdrawing from them can be very cruel. Don't decide for them, maybe lay your cards down on the table and let them decide if they wish to stay. If you prefer to be alone and think its not a good time to be in a relationship then be honest with him. I hope you figure something out that works for the both of you. Give him a chance and give yourself a chance.

x