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Moderators: Sunlily92, windsong, BlueGobi, Moderators, Astrid
Hello Star,
This is 4EverMe. How are you? This question, however, yields an obviously sad answer. I know you're unhappy and brokenhearted....Ugh...
I have to admit that I cried while reading your situation. Part of it was the way you wrote it; The other part is what happened with you- which is b.s.!
First of all, you don't sound " sappy." You sound like a person who's had your heart ripped from you...
You have every reason to be hurt, angry and pissed off. I know that I would be, and then some.
I've never been one who's boyfriend cheated on me-.esp w/my friend! However, I've been unfortunately invol ed with some hardcore people, and a couple of bikers...(who I was with throughout the years, who were having an extre extremely hard time with drugs. . so basically life was hell in those relationships...
If I were you, I'd either date other people, or take a danged break for a while. this is what I'm doing..
This is 4EverMe. How are you? This question, however, yields an obviously sad answer. I know you're unhappy and brokenhearted....Ugh...
I have to admit that I cried while reading your situation. Part of it was the way you wrote it; The other part is what happened with you- which is b.s.!
First of all, you don't sound " sappy." You sound like a person who's had your heart ripped from you...
You have every reason to be hurt, angry and pissed off. I know that I would be, and then some.
I've never been one who's boyfriend cheated on me-.esp w/my friend! However, I've been unfortunately invol ed with some hardcore people, and a couple of bikers...(who I was with throughout the years, who were having an extre extremely hard time with drugs. . so basically life was hell in those relationships...
If I were you, I'd either date other people, or take a danged break for a while. this is what I'm doing..
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MyUnseenStarlight
- Posts: 36
- Joined: Tue Nov 26, 2013 4:26 am
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MyUnseenStarlight
- Posts: 36
- Joined: Tue Nov 26, 2013 4:26 am
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CrazyLady17
Well don't let them okay?
I know how it feels, I've let people walk all let me for years and it's gotten me nowhere only depressed, I've learnt a lot...
You need to think more positive and keeping telling yourself your worth more than you think.
Don't let then treat you like dirt, your worth a lot more.
I know how it feels, I've let people walk all let me for years and it's gotten me nowhere only depressed, I've learnt a lot...
You need to think more positive and keeping telling yourself your worth more than you think.
Don't let then treat you like dirt, your worth a lot more.
I guess the saying “Never make someone a priority when all you are to them is an option” comes in handy here.
We can't control others but we can control ourselves and I think that sometimes it is our own expectations of others that leave us disappointed.
People may never live up to your standards and they don't have to because their standards are different to yours. You may try to bring theirs up to match yours but they would say why don't you bring yours down to match theirs. Try to find people who are more compatible with yourself, it may not be 50/50 all the time but 40/60 isn't too bad.
If I buy someone a Christmas present and they don't buy me one back, that may leave me feeling a little gutted/disappointed because I "expected" one back. I made a choice to buy them a gift, I must ask myself why I bought them a gift in the first place. Did I want to make my friend happy? Or did I just want something back in return? If it is the former then I have achieved my goal, it made my friend happy. Whether they buy me something back is another issue, a bonus perhaps but not a god given right. If I didn't have any "expectations" of them giving me a present then I won't feel any disappointment. If I decide to help an old lady across the road, do I "expect" her to open her purse and give me £5, the answer is no. I made the choice to help her, and that's all there is to it, she may not even say thank you but then again don't "expect" it.
You must accept that you made a bad investment, you chose to invest your time and effort into that person. A bit like business, you can't expect to always win, we do make bad choices or get conned so when you are making a loss, withdraw yourself and invest elsewhere. Some people like to keep their investment there and hope for it to rise again someday but this is not guaranteed. You may have made mistakes but I believe it will make you wiser and more cautious in future investments, so its not a total loss; you have learnt something.
I know it sounds like I am not siding with you but I don't think it is your fault but I don't think it is his fault either (although I think he is an **** but that's a separate issue). Your own happiness should be in your own hands, don't place it onto others because then it is out of your control and you are left disappointed when it doesn't go the way you want it to. Don't invest so much in others but invest more in yourself, people will come and go. Paths can join but they can also split, not everyone is going to the same destination so enjoy the time when they collide and just keep walking your own path when it is time to split... you will meet plenty more people heading in the same direction as you.. x
We can't control others but we can control ourselves and I think that sometimes it is our own expectations of others that leave us disappointed.
People may never live up to your standards and they don't have to because their standards are different to yours. You may try to bring theirs up to match yours but they would say why don't you bring yours down to match theirs. Try to find people who are more compatible with yourself, it may not be 50/50 all the time but 40/60 isn't too bad.
If I buy someone a Christmas present and they don't buy me one back, that may leave me feeling a little gutted/disappointed because I "expected" one back. I made a choice to buy them a gift, I must ask myself why I bought them a gift in the first place. Did I want to make my friend happy? Or did I just want something back in return? If it is the former then I have achieved my goal, it made my friend happy. Whether they buy me something back is another issue, a bonus perhaps but not a god given right. If I didn't have any "expectations" of them giving me a present then I won't feel any disappointment. If I decide to help an old lady across the road, do I "expect" her to open her purse and give me £5, the answer is no. I made the choice to help her, and that's all there is to it, she may not even say thank you but then again don't "expect" it.
You must accept that you made a bad investment, you chose to invest your time and effort into that person. A bit like business, you can't expect to always win, we do make bad choices or get conned so when you are making a loss, withdraw yourself and invest elsewhere. Some people like to keep their investment there and hope for it to rise again someday but this is not guaranteed. You may have made mistakes but I believe it will make you wiser and more cautious in future investments, so its not a total loss; you have learnt something.
I know it sounds like I am not siding with you but I don't think it is your fault but I don't think it is his fault either (although I think he is an **** but that's a separate issue). Your own happiness should be in your own hands, don't place it onto others because then it is out of your control and you are left disappointed when it doesn't go the way you want it to. Don't invest so much in others but invest more in yourself, people will come and go. Paths can join but they can also split, not everyone is going to the same destination so enjoy the time when they collide and just keep walking your own path when it is time to split... you will meet plenty more people heading in the same direction as you.. x
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MyUnseenStarlight
- Posts: 36
- Joined: Tue Nov 26, 2013 4:26 am
Hi leris,
In all fairness, though, I have to add that there are times we don't know we will be burned.
A second scenario would be to know it, but allow this regardless...
There is often the third option- We're not too sure, one way or another.
Nevertheless, the end result is betrayal, pain and the like.
Is there a fourth? Yes. It is when we have lost all trust in people, to the point where we 'assume' the worst, when it is not necessarily so.
I'm sure you're smart enough to realize these things, but some others may lack in this knowledge.
I think we should all pay heed to those red flags!
They can present volumes of information.
In all fairness, though, I have to add that there are times we don't know we will be burned.
A second scenario would be to know it, but allow this regardless...
There is often the third option- We're not too sure, one way or another.
Nevertheless, the end result is betrayal, pain and the like.
Is there a fourth? Yes. It is when we have lost all trust in people, to the point where we 'assume' the worst, when it is not necessarily so.
I'm sure you're smart enough to realize these things, but some others may lack in this knowledge.
I think we should all pay heed to those red flags!
They can present volumes of information.
I think 4Everme has made an important point. Ieris spoke about giving parts of ourselves with expectation or without (as gifts). So have I in other posts, but we can never be truly free of expectations. And the expectations we place on ourselves can be as difficult to fulfil as those we place on others.
I think 4Everme points out that we can't know; when ever we form expectations we take a risk. The way to reduce risk is to pay heed (a number of responses under Love deal with how we pay heed). And as we pay heed, it's important to adjust our expectations along the way. We adjust more or we suffer more.
I think 4Everme points out that we can't know; when ever we form expectations we take a risk. The way to reduce risk is to pay heed (a number of responses under Love deal with how we pay heed). And as we pay heed, it's important to adjust our expectations along the way. We adjust more or we suffer more.
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