Need to get it off my chest

[Lindie]

Brand new to the forum. Why is it that I know what needs to be done to get myself out of my depressed state, but have no motivation at all to do it? I paid my GP a visit last Monday, he prescribed Cilift, and as can be expected, it's taken my body a good week to adjust. I need to talk about my depression but I have absolutely no idea where to start.

[CrazyLady17]

Hello,

Warm welcome to this forums.

It's good to hear that you have visited your GP and now on some anti-depressants, all meds will take some adjust to our bodies yes, but we then get used to it after a little while.

Just take your time and tell us your story wen you are ready; no pressure and we are always here to listen and support and give you advise where we can.

Keep reaching out if it helps you.

PM me anytime to talk

Take care.

(((Hugs)))

[Lindie]

Thanks,

It is so hard to actually describe how you feel. Let alone digest it and act on it. Although it has become a very real problem for me, I still feel that it's such a boring topic to discuss with my friends and family and I really do not want to burden them with it.

I feel totally lost - where I'm used to being independent and hard working and decisive and very opinionated, I've been reduced to sitting at home and being unable to even tackle the smallest of tasks.

My appetite is gone - I'm usually a coffee freak, but can't stand the taste at the moment. I really don't actually care - I love my friends and family, but whether I see them or not, doesn't matter at all. I really have to force myself to get in touch, and when I do, I'm pretending that everything is OK. I know I should start walking or exercising, but just can't get myself motivated to do it.

[CrazyLady17]

Welcome anytime.

I know how hard it is to get yourself to do things, but when you are doing things it actually does make a whole lot of a difference believe me. Even if it's just a small of something like a walk to shop or down the road... That little difference does help a lot.
Maybe go visit a friend or something..

Eating; well you need to eat something as that won't help the way you feel anyway.. Even if you eat something little that will make all the difference once again.

You are the only one who can change things for you, we can't.
You have to and need to help yourself!
I know it's easier said then done, but it's how life works I'm afraid.

Maybe go see the GP again and ask to be referred to a counsellor, they could help you with these things.

Please take my advise on board.

[Lindie]

Thanks again,

It actually helps by just typing these messages to an external party.

[CrazyLady17]

Good. Glad it has helped a little

You are welcome.
But please just take my advise and it'll get better in time, just takes time.

[Ieris]

I feel totally lost - where I'm used to being independent and hard working and decisive and very opinionated, I've been reduced to sitting at home and being unable to even tackle the smallest of tasks.

Hello Lindie,

You seem deflated, you were fine before, what happened to cause such a change?

x

[Frame]

From my experience Lindie, I don't like coffee when I'm on antidepressants. And as much as meds are supposed to make you feel 'better' they don't make me feel more motivated. Is this possibly part of what's happening?

[Lindie]

Hi there Ieris,

I think it's a combination of a few big changes over the last couple of years. I lived abroad for about 11 years, returning home each year for a few weeks to visit family and friends. The last 3 years of me being away, I was involved with a very abusive person, verbally more than physically, who I was totally convinced that I loved.

This was also one of the deciding factors for my permanent return. Unfortunately (actually VERY fortunately) on my return I fell in love with an old friend. So, not giving myself deal with a previous relationship and diving straight into the total roller coaster of being in love again was bad, but one cannot help these feelings. I'm extremely happy in this regard. My partner is very supportive and understanding even when I talk about my previous partner!

I've also been without employment for 6 months, and this is the biggest contributing factor for me. Living in South Africa has its advantages, but job hunting is no joke here. Constant rejection to job applications gets to me now. Whereas before I would brush it off and move on. Now, unfortunately, I take it very personal!!!! I know I shouldn't, it just happens.

What doesn't help, is that I am extremely impatient and I want things to be sorted now, forgetting that this is now a process to get back to where I'm me, so to speak.

So, I think all of the above points are relevant to where I am now.

Lindie

[Lindie]

Dear Frame,

Possibly. However, I have been feeling unmotivated before I started taking the medication. I have literally been on Cilift for 7 days only. I do not feel better or worse because of it. Maybe it's still too early to tell? You say that you don't like coffee when on anti-depressants - how long have you been on your medication and which changes was apparent to you?

Thanks!

[Lindie]

Dear Crazylady,

Yes, off course I am constantly job hunting, and I shall try your advise when I'm ready, thank you so much!

[Ieris]

Hello Lindie,

I am glad that you have moved on from that abusive relationship and found someone new who treats you the way you deserve to be treated. I am happy that you have someone who you can talk to and support you the way he does
I feel that sometimes we need to make mistakes in life to know what is right for us, to know what we really want or need. Whether they were good or bad, they are all experiences that teaches us more about ourselves which can only be a good thing.

I understand how frustrating it is when you try to get something and end up with nothing. I am not going to tell you to try harder because I believe you are already. There are people who have sent out 1000 CVs but still unemployed so it is natural to feel a little deflated and hopeless. Try to understand that it is the job market, if people aren't spending their money, businesses won't make money and won't be recruiting new staff. It is tough out there and competitive, you might be up against 20 people for the same job, so what can you do to make an employer pick you? What makes you stand out, what do you have that the other 20 people don't?

While you are job hunting, don't sit there waiting for replies, you can also add qualifications and skills to your CV while you're at it. If you're not earning then you should be learning. Do a short course, even volunteer if you can afford to, don't leave gaps in your CV. Part of the game is to network, it's not always about what you know but who you know. Meet new people through events, activities, volunteering, make it known that you are looking for a job, broaden your circle and you may meet someone who can help you out.

Don't stay at home doing nothing, you won't find your answers there. Be proactive, be productive and put yourself in a better position when something does become available.

I hope it all works out x

[CrazyLady17]

I agree.....
Volunteer at a homeless shelter maybe?
That's what I did- an it helped me a lot, got me out and about for a few hours a day and got to meet some new people.

[Frame]

You say that you don't like coffee when on anti-depressants - how long have you been on your medication and which changes was apparent to you?

I have been on Lithium, Prozac, Celexa, and St. John's Wart.

I have been diagnosed with Chronic Depression (Bipolar type II). The cycles, even the depression, are motivational in some ways. There are are studies that link the manic episodes with creative thinking and the depressive episodes with obsessive actions; which go together to make great artists.

When I was on all but St. John's Wart, (Lithium about 3 months, Prozac about a year, Celexa about 5 years on and off) drinking coffee made me feel physically a little ill. My life has a great deal of stress and it's real, not imaginary. I need to react to events in my life. Using any of these drugs helps to make things feel OK. But when you feel OK about things that aren't OK, bad things can get worse.

I slept a lot more, I enjoyed simply sitting around (not my life style at all). It was easier to deal with people because it was easier to agree with people. The problem, of course, is if they are wrong and it matters, the proper action is arguing (or discussing if you like) not agreeing.

Eventually I need the anger, that anti-depressants take away, in order to get much of anything done. I'm not saying might life without anti-depressants is a big rage. My life without anti-depressants is much sadder. But I care more. I guess I'll take the sadness and the caring, over the dullness and the not caring.

[Frame]

I know what it feels like, Lindie, to work so hard and so long at something and not succeed (or have our expectations met). It get really hard not to take it personally. It's good to see the big picture but sometimes for our own peace of mind we need to get a little myopic.

By that I mean, to keep going, sometimes we need to focus on small bites. Rather than getting the job or the interview, sometimes we need to pat ourselves on the back more often for smaller things; getting the stamps, mailing the resumes, following up, dealing with idiots.

It's important to take the small wins personally.