Anxiety and Relationships
Moderators: Sunlily92, windsong, BlueGobi, Moderators, Astrid
Anxiety and Relationships
The last few relationships I have been in I have scared myself out of. I was scared that I would break their hearts. I feel that they are too clingy, when in fact they were just being sweet. My anxiety kicks in really bad, affecting my relationships. I end up pushing my significant other away. I had just started a relationship recently and it is already happening. I want to be able to hold on to a relationship for a while without scaring myself off.
Hey hi
First of all hearty welcome to this wonderful site. And secondly welcome to my own personal club...because our feelings are quiet same.
I can understand how u myt have been feeling.
Since childhood...since wen i ws a kid in my school till the last day of my college there is a pattern or something like that....it always always happens with me.
Everytime i become friends with someone...for the first few months friendship will be like that we see in movies...best friends forever then it remains as such for an year or so...we help each other with almost everything...share sad stuff about each other's life...make each other laugh after crying...etc etc...but then after sometime everyone (in school as well as in college) either start taking me for granted or u know wen people sometimes start expecting a lot from u but on one condition that it shld be upto them if they want to reciprocate it or not...and then gradually they start ignoring ur messages and when u ask them what is wrong, they beautifully reply "everything is absolutely okay buddy, sorryyyy...i had been busy all these days but from now on i ll attend ur msgs". But that Now On never comes. Some of my friends in past blamed me for something that i hadn't even thought about...i kept trying to explain them ...to clear all the misunderstandings but still no one believed me. Now it seems May be they just made that misunderstanding themselves only...just to get rid of me.
Earlier i used to think he or she myt have lost interest in me so they r bad etc etc. But now i think May be something is wrong with me only. Why everyone in school and then everyone in college followed the same pattern!!!
My college friend, lets call her by her initials DP, she too has started taking me for granting....she is changed suddenly since last 2 -- 3 months. So i am feeling like my heart is losing its last bet. I have tried Hell a lot to bring my friendship with her to the level of old days...! But Unlike my past, this time i am prepared subconsciously that my ever so good friend DP is also going to leave me...very soon...without explaining where did i go wrong...just the way it happens everytime.
I always ask my friends to let me know if i have hurt u in any way, then i will either explain myself or i will apologize and will make sure that i won't repeat that mistake again. But just abandoning or blaming without giving a chance to explain someone is not the right way to punish someone. I don't even know if something is wrong with my personality or nature or what. I always tell my friends and dear ones that i can accept criticism because that will improve me...will make me better...but i can't bear it wen they just leave me.
I can absolutely understand that ur pain is way too much than mine, because u have gone thru the same stuff but with intense relationships and not just childish friendships.
Umm...I never had a boyfriend. So no question of losing one. But sometimes being at the age of 26 i feel that an important person...or companion is missing from my life.
But i can understand how it makes our heart scared and insecure to indulge in any kind of relationship...again!
My heart and mind are divided into two parts.
One part says "they were cunning, u never did anything bad...u never hurt anyone...at least not intentionally...u never let them feel alone but still everyone has always abandoned u. So its their loss. Just start giving urself another chance".
And other part says "plz just try to learn how to survive and live alone happily in the crowd...why u want to take chances....do u want to get hurt again?...just pretend that u r cold but polite...help someone if they need u...but don't fall in love or don't do friendships...just walk away saying u r busy...because it's better not to bid than to lose everything". Its like a constant war within my heart...i want to be alone for the rest of life just to save myself from getting hurt again. But at the very same time i want to make friends, want to fall in love with a nice kind hearted intelligent man.
And this war within my heart, exhaust my head.
This page has to be almost about u only...I hope i haven't annoyed u with such a big letter. I just wanted to explain how and why i feel that i relate to ur feelings.
Keep posting...i think we can help each other to combat our fears for relationships.
I wud like to know more about u.
Don't feel alone...i want to help u to stay happy and fearless in ur newly budding relationship.
Take care.
Sara.
First of all hearty welcome to this wonderful site. And secondly welcome to my own personal club...because our feelings are quiet same.
I can understand how u myt have been feeling.
Since childhood...since wen i ws a kid in my school till the last day of my college there is a pattern or something like that....it always always happens with me.
Everytime i become friends with someone...for the first few months friendship will be like that we see in movies...best friends forever then it remains as such for an year or so...we help each other with almost everything...share sad stuff about each other's life...make each other laugh after crying...etc etc...but then after sometime everyone (in school as well as in college) either start taking me for granted or u know wen people sometimes start expecting a lot from u but on one condition that it shld be upto them if they want to reciprocate it or not...and then gradually they start ignoring ur messages and when u ask them what is wrong, they beautifully reply "everything is absolutely okay buddy, sorryyyy...i had been busy all these days but from now on i ll attend ur msgs". But that Now On never comes. Some of my friends in past blamed me for something that i hadn't even thought about...i kept trying to explain them ...to clear all the misunderstandings but still no one believed me. Now it seems May be they just made that misunderstanding themselves only...just to get rid of me.
Earlier i used to think he or she myt have lost interest in me so they r bad etc etc. But now i think May be something is wrong with me only. Why everyone in school and then everyone in college followed the same pattern!!!
My college friend, lets call her by her initials DP, she too has started taking me for granting....she is changed suddenly since last 2 -- 3 months. So i am feeling like my heart is losing its last bet. I have tried Hell a lot to bring my friendship with her to the level of old days...! But Unlike my past, this time i am prepared subconsciously that my ever so good friend DP is also going to leave me...very soon...without explaining where did i go wrong...just the way it happens everytime.
I always ask my friends to let me know if i have hurt u in any way, then i will either explain myself or i will apologize and will make sure that i won't repeat that mistake again. But just abandoning or blaming without giving a chance to explain someone is not the right way to punish someone. I don't even know if something is wrong with my personality or nature or what. I always tell my friends and dear ones that i can accept criticism because that will improve me...will make me better...but i can't bear it wen they just leave me.
I can absolutely understand that ur pain is way too much than mine, because u have gone thru the same stuff but with intense relationships and not just childish friendships.
Umm...I never had a boyfriend. So no question of losing one. But sometimes being at the age of 26 i feel that an important person...or companion is missing from my life.
But i can understand how it makes our heart scared and insecure to indulge in any kind of relationship...again!
My heart and mind are divided into two parts.
One part says "they were cunning, u never did anything bad...u never hurt anyone...at least not intentionally...u never let them feel alone but still everyone has always abandoned u. So its their loss. Just start giving urself another chance".
And other part says "plz just try to learn how to survive and live alone happily in the crowd...why u want to take chances....do u want to get hurt again?...just pretend that u r cold but polite...help someone if they need u...but don't fall in love or don't do friendships...just walk away saying u r busy...because it's better not to bid than to lose everything". Its like a constant war within my heart...i want to be alone for the rest of life just to save myself from getting hurt again. But at the very same time i want to make friends, want to fall in love with a nice kind hearted intelligent man.
And this war within my heart, exhaust my head.
This page has to be almost about u only...I hope i haven't annoyed u with such a big letter. I just wanted to explain how and why i feel that i relate to ur feelings.
Keep posting...i think we can help each other to combat our fears for relationships.
I wud like to know more about u.
Don't feel alone...i want to help u to stay happy and fearless in ur newly budding relationship.
Take care.
Sara.
Re: Anxiety and Relationships
nutcase90 wrote:The last few relationships I have been in I have scared myself out of. I was scared that I would break their hearts. I feel that they are too clingy, when in fact they were just being sweet. My anxiety kicks in really bad, affecting my relationships. I end up pushing my significant other away. I had just started a relationship recently and it is already happening. I want to be able to hold on to a relationship for a while without scaring myself off.
Sometimes the chemistry isn't there, and we (people in general) try to make it work because being alone is so much worse. Don't pressure yourself into being in a relationship, that can make anybody anxious. There's nothing wrong with you or what you're feeling.
Thank you both for your posts. I understand where you both are coming from. I think it just wasn't working in my last relationship, because (and I regret this) I cheated on her a couple of times, but with the relationship I am in now, I do not cheat. I am polyamorous, so I want to be with other people, but I respect my partner enough that I won't follow through.
Return to “Living with Depression and other Related Health Concerns”
Who is online
Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 50 guests