Mixed feelings and thoughts

[CrazyLady17]

I don't know how I feel, I don't what I feel.
I don't know what my thoughts are, don't know what I'm thinking.
I feel confused? But don't know why?

I don't know what I feel anymore.
I feel completely empty? Like there isn't anything there?

[CrazyLady17]

Today I don't know if my mood is up or down?
I feel okay ish.., but feel depressed and can't stop crying....

[missheliumballoon]

I hate it when I can't control tears or when I'm stressed. Love it when I can't control smiles after seeing a cute animal in a pet store. here's the virtual equivalent of the latter:





(hopefully the pictures of Flint, "The Most Expressively Adorable Pomeranian Ever," show up. I'm that noob...) keep tipping on the tightrope, my friend

[CrazyLady17]

I hate that I can't control my feelings at all....
I don't know what my mood is....
All I seem to do is cry and want to self harm? What's that all about!

[CrazyLady17]

I don't know how I feel today; I feel numb?
I feel confused?!!

I feel lost.

I just don't know anymore!
Someone help me?

[fallen]

to balloon,
that is a way cute picture(s) , that made me smile, thank you.
take care

[CrazyLady17]

Amazing picture!
Made me smile too.

Thank you.
I always look back at this post and it always makes me smile

[fallen]

to crazylady17,
there is a grueling trek that some australians feel obliged to do, called the kokoda trail, it is in a country north of the sunny shores of oz .
during the second world war it was used by the ' diggers ', (australian infantry) .
some people who do it are full of ego, thinking that it will be easy.
some are spurred on by their mates, thinking that it will be easy.
some do it because their relatives walked this treacherous track during the war.
a lot fail to complete it , some are unfit, some have weak minds and can not go past the pain barrier.
all of them are helped by the local guides ,they do not even have to carry their baggage.
a couple of years back this guy did it who can't use his legs, so he had to crawl and lift himself over all the obstacles using his arms only !
he did not get carried, he did the whole track by himself ! amazing !
he did not whinge , (complain) , he just did it.
he is an inspiration to us all.
try and put yourself in some one else's shoes, there are so many people far worse off than we are, yet they do not whinge (complain)
we can learn from their strength.
take care

[CrazyLady17]

What?!!!!
I'm not complaining at all?
I am suffering? There is a massive difference here... Why dononalways get picked on?
This isn't fair anymore..

I'm suffering and I'm hurt and I'm very depressed.

[CrazyLady17]

Got mixed feelings again...
I feel hate-age and I feel love and I feel emotional and I feel confused?...
Why is wrong with me? Why do I feel this way?
I don't know what's wrong with me..
I feel all panicky

[fallen]

to crazylady 17,
have you noticed how much you dominate this site ?
have you noticed how much you say " help me ! ", all the time ?
have you noticed how many people help you on this site ?
stop saying " help me " like a ring tone and start " helping your self ".
we all suffer on here it is after all a depression site !
instead of dominating the site with countless threads cut it back to two and allow others to voice their sadness and pain .
you seem to think your suffering is greater than anyone elses.
suffering is not a competition that you want to win !
you will be classified as an adult soon and you will have to make adult decisions, there will not always be some one around to help you.
you will say i am being mean , but this is what a loving parent should tell you .
take the advice from all the people that have been so kind and wise, and listened to you, and actually put it into action.
if you want to be the best you can be , you have to start helping your self.
take care

[CrazyLady17]

I know it's not? I don't want to win? Win what?
I just want to fight and beat my depression? Just like the rest of you on this site you know?!!
But yes I am suffering and struggling a lot and I am sorry for showing how much I am suffering. I'm sorry for actually being here, I'm sorry for being alive. What more do you want from me?
I am trying my damn hardest here....
I help and support others, I try the suggestions and sometimes they work and others don't....

I just can't help the way I feel you know? That's impossible....
Like I've said before; if I could control my feelings I sure would, but truth is none of us can control our feelings.

You all hate me don't you?
You all want me to leave?
Your being harsh and your being mean....
I'm so vulnerable at the moment and you seem to be having a go at me for sharing my suffering.
Well I'm sorry for that okay?

[dablues]

to crazylady 17,
have you noticed how much you dominate this site ?
have you noticed how much you say " help me ! ", all the time ?
have you noticed how many people help you on this site ?
stop saying " help me " like a ring tone and start " helping your self ".
we all suffer on here it is after all a depression site !
instead of dominating the site with countless threads cut it back to two and allow others to voice their sadness and pain .
you seem to think your suffering is greater than anyone elses.
suffering is not a competition that you want to win !
you will be classified as an adult soon and you will have to make adult decisions, there will not always be some one around to help you.
you will say i am being mean , but this is what a loving parent should tell you .
take the advice from all the people that have been so kind and wise, and listened to you, and actually put it into action.
if you want to be the best you can be , you have to start helping your self.
take care

she really helped me out today when no one else was around she talked to me and was very encouraging. hasn't everyone with depression wanted to scream and tell everyone how they are feeling and hope to be heard .
thanks CrazyLady17 for making my day a bit easier

[CrazyLady17]

See what I mean?
I'm not selfish you know? I do care about everyone on this site?
I'm not heartless? But your making out I am and that hurts deeply

You are welcome anytime honestly it's no trouble.
Glad I could help an support you

Also thank you for cheering me up and helping me out when I felt so lonely.

[Frame]

I just can't help the way I feel you know? That's impossible....
Like I've said before; if I could control my feelings I sure would, but truth is none of us can control our feelings.

This is not the truth Lady. We do control our feelings. Your are controlling your feelings.

When you make a choice, over and over and over to express all your negative thoughts you are forcing your body over and over and over to experience negative emotions. When first, you think them, and them you write them you get you experience them twice. I'm not saying it's easy to change the structure, the pattern we use to experience our world. But we can do it.

We can control how much positive or negative feeling we inject into our lives and the lives of those around us. It takes work. And honestly, for some of us (many of us here) it's a losing battle. My challenges have made deeply worn grooves in the patterns of my life. I feel like I'm constantly climbing out of trenches of negativity. [Yes, often I wonder why, for what.]

But it is possible. And it does improve the quality of your life. And your young. And you can do it. And I know your suffering. But no, I don't think your working very hard at getting better.