This is not christmas

[mattyj]

THIS IS NOT CHRISTMAS 25/12/13

Well christmas morning has finally arrived

I walk out into a quiet house

I hoped it was a nightmare and I'd wake up at home

I go back to my room and cry

This is not christmas

I should be watching Frazer climb into his sack

I should be watching Polly rip wrapping paper off presents

I should be watching Brooky squeal and bounce around the lounge room

But I cant...

This is not christmas

[Frame]

I understand.

[mattyj]

i used to love christmas

i dont think it will ever be the same after today...even if i get my family back today will always be in the back of my mind on christmas morning

[Frame]

The world is spinning. It's spinning and spinning and spinning.
I when my daughter was born, I carried a vision of Christmas in my head that was a composite of all the best bits of Christmas I ever had. I wanted that for her; or was that for me? Both of us I suppose.

But it wasn't a vision of reality. And this, so far, has nothing to do with how you feel. I know. But life has been changing and my daughter has grown and she has her own sense of what a wonderful holiday season is. And I have determined that I need to support her in building her own positive images of Christmas; even now that she's been out of the house for years.

For you and your children, it is orders of magnitude more important that you set aside your images of your best Christmas. I believe you can look at this situation with clarity and do your maximum to make this Christmas a bright and meaningful one for your children, even from a distance. You can start by not continuing to make it one only of sorrow for yourself. They will have many holidays, some better some worse. Each one counts.

I'm sorry if this sounds harsh; but for your children and your self, you need to make this a time of joy with or without them. And you need to do your best to convey joy, and pride, and love to them. Because that's what they need.

And you know this, don't you? Try to make this one count for them.

[mattyj]

i know you're right Frame

the kids will be here for a few hours tonight, i will be happy when they are here so they can enjoy the night with me

i just spoke to them on the phone and it made me miss them even more

Christmas has always been a big deal with us - the kids were the centre of it all...its very hard..

[Frame]

Christmas has always been a big thing for me also. As the years have gone by, it's been harder and harder as they really don't match my memories or expectations. I have discovered I enjoy my solitude, however, and only "think" I should be around family. I've begun taking long reflective hikes, kind of a new tradition, and found the world goes on without me.

Actually, more factually, I've found that I'm not alone in enjoying peace over revelry.

So here's to new traditions.

[CrazyLady17]

(((Hugs)))