I'm sitting here, isolated, as I am most of the time. Right now, though, and for no reason I'm aware of, I have pain welling in my heart like I can't believe. It came on suddenly, without warning.
So, I'm sitting here feeling like a baby, who's in need of solace, but does not want to touched. Maybe this makes no sense. Irrational? Maybe...but so are these emotions that are hurting me for no known reason. Feeling worthless, hopeless, and wishing I weren't here. I'm not suicidal, so no worries.
If I had a wish of anything I could be, I'd want to be an angel who helps others, who also receives confirmation that I'm truly helping.
I just don't know what to do, and how to erase this pain inside. It's just too strong. Too overwhelming. I'm sorry. I'm not feeling sorry for myself- just need to reach out.
Sad...Confused
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Hi Frame,
Thank you for responding. Channeling another's pain? Perhaps. Maybe it's just a mixture of empathy, with my own pain attached.
Had to lay down and knock myself out with a sleeping pill, anything to escape what had crept up on me. A little while after awakening, I began to feel hurt and anger simultaneously. What? I've no idea what this is about...my past burping up on me again? Why does it have to bring me hurtful reminders that it did exist? Why do I exist? How am I contributing to have the right to even be here. Maybe I help in more ways known to me. If so, I'm frickin clueless. This hurts too...
For my blessings, I'm grateful. I realize there are those who have it worse- like me, in the past. Even then, there is always someone in a worse predicament somewhere.
Recently, I read a post of yours. If I'm recalling correctly, you stated that you're always waiting for someone to jab a knife into your back even when nothings wrong. I relate! I have security issues, because it seems that anytime something has gone right in my life, the rug is yanked out from under me. Currently, I'm at more peace, albeit depression, etc., but my subconscious seems to be awaiting my next hideous fall. It's very unnerving! I don't even possess the energy to continue writing about this. I digress...
Thank you for responding. Channeling another's pain? Perhaps. Maybe it's just a mixture of empathy, with my own pain attached.
Had to lay down and knock myself out with a sleeping pill, anything to escape what had crept up on me. A little while after awakening, I began to feel hurt and anger simultaneously. What? I've no idea what this is about...my past burping up on me again? Why does it have to bring me hurtful reminders that it did exist? Why do I exist? How am I contributing to have the right to even be here. Maybe I help in more ways known to me. If so, I'm frickin clueless. This hurts too...
For my blessings, I'm grateful. I realize there are those who have it worse- like me, in the past. Even then, there is always someone in a worse predicament somewhere.
Recently, I read a post of yours. If I'm recalling correctly, you stated that you're always waiting for someone to jab a knife into your back even when nothings wrong. I relate! I have security issues, because it seems that anytime something has gone right in my life, the rug is yanked out from under me. Currently, I'm at more peace, albeit depression, etc., but my subconscious seems to be awaiting my next hideous fall. It's very unnerving! I don't even possess the energy to continue writing about this. I digress...
What do we cost for being on this earth; and what do we contribute? What is our purpose, how do we fit? That's so much of my struggle. Sometimes, I think, if I just had a single goal that never faded, never tarnished; if I had one direction that always seemed bright, then I could be happy. I could explain my purpose. I could describe my role to myself and others.
It's all well and good to be thankful for our blessings. And I believe that I have applied my blessings to good use. But it appears that my blessings don't fit together to make a whole person. Trying to live in this world like a normal human being makes me feel like a character in a Dali painting.
But it's a new day and I hope the rain has washed some of your sorrows away.
It's all well and good to be thankful for our blessings. And I believe that I have applied my blessings to good use. But it appears that my blessings don't fit together to make a whole person. Trying to live in this world like a normal human being makes me feel like a character in a Dali painting.
But it's a new day and I hope the rain has washed some of your sorrows away.
Awww Frame,
Thank you, and it has. Actually, I'm feeling spunky, alert and in a good mood this morning.
A good friend of mine called earlier, and I went from feeling content to feeling cheerful.
You wonder about our purpose in this life, in this world? I believe it's to love. This may come across as a bit hippie-like to some, but so be it. I believe we're here to choose between good/evil. By our choice in rejecting evil, we choose the opposite of it. (which, of course, is love) In addition, this causes in us a desire to be good to others. This is part of it...
Thank you, and it has. Actually, I'm feeling spunky, alert and in a good mood this morning.
A good friend of mine called earlier, and I went from feeling content to feeling cheerful.
You wonder about our purpose in this life, in this world? I believe it's to love. This may come across as a bit hippie-like to some, but so be it. I believe we're here to choose between good/evil. By our choice in rejecting evil, we choose the opposite of it. (which, of course, is love) In addition, this causes in us a desire to be good to others. This is part of it...
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Alaska1958
- Posts: 178
- Joined: Sat Jul 06, 2013 11:23 pm
Purpose! Yes that is the key to finding any kind of satisfactionin llife. Years ago I wanted to find peace and happiness. I didn't have a great deal of luck, but I did find purpose and from that the primary satisfaction I have been able to attain. The job I used to have was with an organization that I believe in and I very much liked working there and I liked the people I worked with. I was still depressed, but I consoled myself with the thought that I was useful and wanted. I had a family that I hoped loved and wanted me.
These days things are different and I spend too much time alone. A few days agoan old ffriend emailed me to say that her truck had died. I called her and offered to take her to work for the next couple of weeks. She works as a crossing guard, so in the morning I pickher up, ttake her the 11 miles to work, wait for her to finish then take her home. In the afternoon we do it again. She is very grateful for my help, but leaving me alone with myself and I will create my own personal hell. In getting out and being useful I get a reprieve from that hell. She does me a far greater service than I do her.
These days things are different and I spend too much time alone. A few days agoan old ffriend emailed me to say that her truck had died. I called her and offered to take her to work for the next couple of weeks. She works as a crossing guard, so in the morning I pickher up, ttake her the 11 miles to work, wait for her to finish then take her home. In the afternoon we do it again. She is very grateful for my help, but leaving me alone with myself and I will create my own personal hell. In getting out and being useful I get a reprieve from that hell. She does me a far greater service than I do her.
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Alaska1958
- Posts: 178
- Joined: Sat Jul 06, 2013 11:23 pm
to foreverme, frame and alaska,
fallen goes down to kids' store and buys' three of the biggest teddy bears he can afford , each six foot tall. they come with a guarantee of hugs for life.
fallen stands on pavement with three giant teddy bears looking slightly awkward, thinking they are not going to fit on the back of the bicycle......mmm.....take care
fallen goes down to kids' store and buys' three of the biggest teddy bears he can afford , each six foot tall. they come with a guarantee of hugs for life.
fallen stands on pavement with three giant teddy bears looking slightly awkward, thinking they are not going to fit on the back of the bicycle......mmm.....take care
to foreverme ,
of course one of the six foot bears was for you, one for frame and one for alaska.
though i wasn't going to give one to alaska as he has the real thing up there, but then they have a tendency to rip your face off , so i got one for him too. [ i am safety conscious after all].
hope you have a great day
take care
of course one of the six foot bears was for you, one for frame and one for alaska.
though i wasn't going to give one to alaska as he has the real thing up there, but then they have a tendency to rip your face off , so i got one for him too. [ i am safety conscious after all].
hope you have a great day
take care
to foreverme
we just have cuddly snakes , wild dogs , and wild pigs , pretty boring , though the snakes are not that cuddly, one bite you have about thirty minutes to live. good thing we are forty-five minutes away from the nearest hospital !
i would love to see bears and wolves that would be cool , i love anything to do with nature , wild storms, it is all pretty amazing .
on the friendly side of nature we have kangaroos, wallabies, echidnas, platypus [on the rare occasion ] and so many beautiful types of birds including the eagles .
i could sit and watch nature all day long.
anyway got to go just spied a snake...ooooohhhhh...s....hhhi....t....
take care
we just have cuddly snakes , wild dogs , and wild pigs , pretty boring , though the snakes are not that cuddly, one bite you have about thirty minutes to live. good thing we are forty-five minutes away from the nearest hospital !
i would love to see bears and wolves that would be cool , i love anything to do with nature , wild storms, it is all pretty amazing .
on the friendly side of nature we have kangaroos, wallabies, echidnas, platypus [on the rare occasion ] and so many beautiful types of birds including the eagles .
i could sit and watch nature all day long.
anyway got to go just spied a snake...ooooohhhhh...s....hhhi....t....
take care
Hi fallen,
Though you haven't listed your whereabouts, I would imagine Australia? You didn't mention lions, so I don't think it's Africa!
Yeah, I love huge thunderstorms, myself. The wilder, and crazier, the better. I also used to live in the South, with all of the tornado watches/warnings. To me, I considered it exciting, though I don't wish for anyone to lose their lives or property!
Ooh. Watch out for those rattlers! (beasts in their own right) Be careful! Take care, fallen.
Though you haven't listed your whereabouts, I would imagine Australia? You didn't mention lions, so I don't think it's Africa!
Yeah, I love huge thunderstorms, myself. The wilder, and crazier, the better. I also used to live in the South, with all of the tornado watches/warnings. To me, I considered it exciting, though I don't wish for anyone to lose their lives or property!
Ooh. Watch out for those rattlers! (beasts in their own right) Be careful! Take care, fallen.
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