Hi

[Littlebele]

Hi I don't really know how to start.
I'm nineteen and have been depressed since about twelve or thirteen years old.I started taking antidepressants and seeing a psychologist since last December.
I've been feeling extremely low lately and I'm really worried I might do something.(Is it weird that I'm more scared of having a breakdown than suicide?)
Just feel like talking to other people here since none of the people I know want to talk with me about how i'm struggling and those who do (my sister,mum) I can't seem to admit how I feel.

[Dels79]

Hey Littlebele,

Sometimes its hard to talk to people you're so close to, it's hard to admit certain feelings because you don't want to worry those around you. Maybe when things start to feel easier to deal with, you might be able to open up to them.

In the meantime, feel free to share any feelings you have on here. We're all here to help eachother as we're all struggling on some level. It can be easier to share with like minded people. But don't feel like you're on your own. Feel free to pm me if you ever need to chat. I've had depression since I was in my teens so I know how hard it can be. Take it one day at a time x

[Frame]

Hi Littlebele;
No I don't think weird. I don't think ant kind of death is easy, but the thought of death sometimes competes pretty effectively against meeting expectations or letting people down. I think that, in itself, is a fairly good proof that most of the people who find their way here are caring and empathetic; perhaps more so than most.

I think that one of the symptoms of depression is struggling with expectations, our own and those around us. I think the thought that it will end can be a comfort to anyone in pain. But I also believe that anyone who can see the certainty of death feels it will be here too soon.

So about 10 months on meds. What changes have you seen in the last few month as compared to the last few years (if you don't mind me asking)?

Frame

[Littlebele]

Thank you both for welcoming me so kindly.
Frame to be honest I feel more or less the same just some more happy days than usual.But I tend to struggle a lot with the medication as at time it makes me really happy one moment and then really depressed the next.
But I would say they have made a huge difference.

[Alaska1958]

Hi there,

I can understand your difficulty in talking to your family about your depression. I started getting depressed about that age as well and it was over 10 years before I'd talk about it to a good friend and 20 years before I'd admit to it to my family.

I know a gal who kinda likes having a breakdown, calls the 3 day stay in the hospital a little mini vacation. Of course parking your car in the garage with the engine running, to have your 17 year old son find you when he comes home from school is kind of a rough way to communicate your having breakdown.

I hope you can find some help and support here. It sounds like you are getting something from the antidepressant you are using. I've used a good number over the years, but seldom feel like I'm getting much good from them.

Best of luck,

[Frame]

Hi Alaska;

I can see from your posts that you manage to spend most of your time at home. Recently I suggested mediation as a way of opening some space in a day full of pressure. I sense you have internal pressures of your own. Some of them began 42 tears ago and there would be no shame if you were to say they were with you every day.

So I'm wondering, if you have the time and you have the internet, have you looked into a plan to carve of a piece of your day, every day, to practice meditation? As I have said else where, if your doing it right it's usually not fun. It's work, but it does bring results. It give our minds more room to think clearly. And just like getting the right vitamins, it requires daily attention. That can both; generate new options, and crowd out habits that may not be useful any more.