Just need someone to talk to..

[Sami-Peterson426]

I'm in 8th grade, I've tried to kill myself 3 different times. My friends never take me seriously when I talk to them about it. I cannot stand it, i also have anxiety and a lot of phobias. I get scared easily and have panic attacks a lot, everyone thinks i just mess with them. in sixth grade i was sent to the counselor about nine times in a week because my teacher was scared for my health. In fifth grade my sister really started hating me, she kept telling me to kill myself, so i tried. but it didnt work I didn't die. And in seventh grade I was about to hang myself but my phone rang, my friend needed my help.... So I remembered my friendsmean everything, even if I only have 3 friends. I've been bullied all my life, when I was younger they actually followed me home and would hurt me. This girl in my class made up fake stories about being bullied, and I know their fake because she told me. She draws cuts onto her arms and became poser. She called me a bitch and said I was worthless and that I should die.My best friend, is a guy, and he stopped talking ti me for a while. My sister said I wasn't pretty enough to b his friend. I lost 12 pounds in less than a week hoping he might talk to me again. i was already thin, and now according to my doctor im under weight. 27 pounds under what im supposed to be. my dad is dying, i am a daddys girl. other than that, my mother hates me. My siblings do too. I had a boyfriend for six months but he broke up with me 'because we were dating for too long' in his opinion. I hate life. So much.

[4EverMe]

Hello to you,
And welcome to this site. I just read about your life, and I feel terrible for all you've gone through--esp at such a young age! I also don't like that you're underweight because of the crappy bullying. Although you don't know me, have never even met me, please know that I DO care about what's going on with you. Many posts I've read bother me, but few break my heart. Yours is one of them. (Pls don't feel bad about that, okay)?! Talking about this kind of stuff is what this site is for.
I know that kids at school can be merciless and cruel. It's probably hard for you to fathom this NOW, but things WILL improve in this area of life. I'm not saying that there aren't adults who are jerks, but it's not the same as in school. Do you realize that you don't deserve this? No one does (except for maybe bullies themselves). Have you talked to any teachers about all of this, including about your home life? I'm struggling to know what to say, but I want you to know that no one is a hopeless case. Cont...

[4EverMe]

I'm also very sorry that your dad is dying!! I can't imagine being in this situation...However, I'm relieved that none of your suicide attempts were successful. You deserve to be around, regardless of any abusive words anyone has spoken to you! Your Creator sure does love you. (He's actually your closest relative, when you think about it) He even made your fingerprints and DNA different than anyone elses--meaning there is nobody who is just like YOU! That alone is pretty awesome...
I get those panic attacks too, and have had depression and Panic Disorder for years! Are you seeing a counselor or on any meds for it? Like you, I also have various phobias. Wonder if this partly goes along with the anxiety issues?! It's a feat just shopping for groceries. Tonight, I've been up for HOURS and feel like a total space-case.I will try posting tomorrow after my appts. Please hang in there Sami! And PLEASE eat something healthy! Don't let anyone (or the media) convince you that being too thin is beautiful! It's a LIE.

[Jdero]

Hi there,

Just thought I would make a quick note. Never change yourself to try and be what a guy (or anyone) is looking for. I wish I could really make these words stick, but I will never date a girl who tries to change herself for me. You may be at an age where nobody is mature in their self identity, but understand that everyone will be learning more about who they are and what they really want from life.

Some guys will never find attraction from certain girls - weight rarely had anything to do with it. Find a comforting medium stage and try to dwell in it.

As hard as it is, try not to care about what other people think of you.

I'm really sorry about your sister, but if I know anything, it is that love can change someone. Keep being respectful to her, and show her up with her lifestyle and live boldly. You have so much life in you, and there are people who will never get the opportunity to even have siblings, education, or anything that could ever bring them happiness.

Change your environment, and it will start affecting others in the same way. Somewhat like a light in a dark room, I suppose.

Take care, Sami. You are great.

JD

[NightShadeANM]

Hi,

I don't know if this is any help, but as far as the other students go, I understand the feeling. I am in my fourth year of college now, but when I was your age I remember the taunts, the names, people used to hurt me and never leave me alone, i was ran into lockers and touched when I didn't want to be. I could never figure out what I had done to them. I tried to kill myself by jumping off of an overhang near the school, but my sister saw me, and I could never hurt her like that. I did rant, but the point I am trying to make it that middle school doesn't last forever. It does not magically get better, but in time, it does improve. I still have my troubles and am still battling with depression and anxiety, but It is better. I don't know you, and you don't know me, but I just want you to know that I am here for you if you need it.

[Alaska1958]

Hi there, I'm 55 and in Alaska, but I still clearly remember the taunting of the bullies I endured around your age. Unfortunately it can be hard to not let that effect the way you feel about yourself. I'm sorry to hear about the relationships in your family aren't any better than they are too.

In my experience a lot of kids (from my standpoint that is most people under 25) tend to see mental illness in very simple terms. For instance some confidently state that people who talk about suicide never follow through. Crap like that. Don't expect your peers to be able to understand how you feel. Hopefully you will make some really good friends who can understand and help you cope. If you make one or two such friends, count yourself lucky. I encourage you to try new experiences and avocations, things like drama club, computer club, how about gymnastics? It will bring you into contact with new people and you might find something that you really love doing.

For myself, I too have been afraid of many things in life and I've let it deter me from becoming the man I might have been.

When she was 17, my sister killed herself. One of the reasons I'm still alive today is because of the pain her death brought to the family. I'm not going to tell you that you can't possibly do that to your family and friends. I hate to see someone live miserably only to avoid hurting others, but it is something to keep in mind.

Good luck to you. If you can make a few good friends, that can be there for you and you for them, it will help a lot.