don't know what to do

[earl]

Hello : I'm 51 tradesman 26 years in my trade. I am the problem solver in what I do. I have a sucure job that makes a difference. I have a house that is nice I owe 60% of what it is worth and the value is gaining I drive a late model car . Been married 31 years and have 2 grandkids .

I have social anxeities Feel like something is crushing (meds help a little) my chest if around more than 3-4 people . Hate to drive makes me sick to my stomach. Wife doesn't drive and acts like I should love to and it is no big deal to run over where ever. and every place in the world is "on the way". I make`$25 hr we are always broke My wifes attitude is we have a nice house car food on the table if we have $3 let at the next payday we are golden! I hate our nice house we are in a quite neighborhood I don't want to be able to see a neighbor. Anything that bothers her is an emergency (stinkbugs at the moment ) but I should deal with it on things that bother me . The lack of money (I'm not going to waste gas when we have$50 let to get through the week) keeps me from getting out and doing things that help. biking fishing woods bummin' etc.
I feel trapped used and that more is expected of me than anyone else I am here for what I provide
it affects my health physical and mental I have stomach problems feel like I've been beaten and it takes all week end to recover from work
just to start again monday .
I could disapper into the woods and survive and think i would be healthier doing that . But the same people who taught me those skills taught me not to run out on your duties and to keep your word I have tried talking to my wife it ends up her screaming "it all about you " I do all the driving ,all the money brought in , all the yard work , and house maintenance she thinks I don't do my share I'm not perfect and hard to live with but I need help
I am the guy that when the snow is deep the power is out we have heat light and I'm out digging neighbors out
Thanks for letting me vent
Earl

[Frame]

No problem earl; This is the right place to vent.

I can say from my own experience, that as a problem solver, it's easy to feel used. I could give you examples from my own life but the funny thing is; I'm writing as the closing credits roll on the movie "Real Genius". I haven't watched it in probably over twenty years, but it was on TV. What's funny about that (if you haven't seen the film) is that the story surrounds these genius graduate students who are so intent on learning and solving problems that they are unwittingly used by the "system" and the government, to build weapon technology.

It's kind of an old story; and in the movies, the protagonist usually gets even but in real life it's not so easy. The moral generally revolves around growing up to see the bigger picture, but in real life there are whole industries built to hide the bigger picture. And on a smaller more personal level, there are always people willing to take advantage of an open heart or a helping hand.

I'm very sorry to hear this is going on between you and your wife. I have a similar issue with a sister that came to live with me eight months ago after running out of funds and no job for three years. We both grew up in the same family and were taught about hard work, but with her I guess it was water off a ducks back.

I have come to accept that I've been chronically depressed for many years and the reason for this and the last paragraph is to suggest that there are solutions and that you have a right to be happy. My father taught us what it means to keep busy and the redemption in hard work. But when he came to understand some of my troubles (about ten years ago) he told me things I'd never heard him say before. He told me that I must seek to spend more of my time doing things that bring me joy. I'm 52 now and, growing up oddly enough, joy never much figured into our lessons. I guess he's still learning too. So, to gather up the thread of what I'm saying; your not alone, you have the right to be happy, and you have the right to pursue happiness.

I very much hope you and your wife and find greater compassion together, but it's not a one way street. You are worthy.

[Frame]

Oh, and another thing my dad taught me; (as much as I like snow) even at 40 be careful with that shoveling.

[earl]

Oh, and another thing my dad taught me; (as much as I like snow) even at 40 be careful with that shoveling.

Don't shovel like thing with small engines. I had to pull money from an old 401k for a down payment on the house got enough to buy snowblower and generator getting to old to shovel
Earl