Hey

[srob98]

Hey Everyone,

I feel silly being here, considering I am almost 45. I never suffered from depression until about 5 years ago. It seems to be getting worse. I am taking Welbutrin which has really helped in the past, but I lost my mom a few months ago and I think that sent me down. I grew up in a volatile home, and it breaks my heart that my mother's life was so sad. She died sad and somewhat angry.

I am divorced with a 15 year old son. I have raised him alone since he was 18 months. His dad sees him but rarely pays support. I can't afford a real lawyer so I use child support enforcement. So, he gets away with it. He is remarried with a new baby....everything is great for him even though he did some horrible things.

No matter how hard I try, things just don't work out for me. I never used to feel this way, but life just keeps handing me more and more sadness. I tried to remarry once. He ended up acting completely crazy and very jealous of my son. He worked for a local church in their sports department, but did not act like a Christian. He left in 6 weeks.

He is now married, too.....so, obviously, there is something wrong with me. I seem to be the common denominator. HAHA

I am not stupid, I have a Master's Degree. I am a NAtionally Board Certified teacher, and I work part time as an online instructor for a college.

I keep falling further and further behind financially....but I literally can't work anymore. I am losing interest in everything. I have a hrd time getting the energy to clean my house, and I rarely shower or go anywhere on the weekend (or now in the simmer).

People always say things will get better, but honestly, for me, they don;t.

So sorry to be such a whiner!!! Haha

[Frame]

Perhaps there is something wrong srob98. Perhaps your life is intimately wrapped up with whats wrong; but that doesn't mean it's what's wrong with you or that you need shoulder the entire burden of responsibility. There are plenty of things wrong with the world; it's easy enough to get caught up in them.

That's not to say you shouldn't take responsibility for your actions or the direction of your life; just don't internalize all the ills of the world and, yes, they affect you but they don't have to be your fault.

I firmly believe that every living organism, given a set of options, will choose the one they see as best. The issue for me continues to be I have trouble seeing all the options and so my struggle has been to attempt to put more options into my life. That said; at 52 I have three degrees, a masters in Solid State Science, my business has been slowly dragging me into a pit of debt for the last four years, but for some miracle I will certainly loose my house, and I have no retirements savings. (So when it comes to creating options; do as I say, not as I do.)

I'm not trying to compete with you; I'm just saying your part of a family of desperate souls. Your not alone. I also believe that nothing is ever as bad or as good as it seems. In this case I choose to believe that neither your ex or mine quite as happily married as our depression would lead us to believe.

One more thing; Have you ever heard of King Solomon's ring? He told his craftsmen to make him something that, when he was sad and looked at it that he would be less sad; and when he was happy and he looked at it then he would be less happy. So the goldsmith make him a ring with the inscription: "This too will pass."

[tiredofsmiling]

This too shall pass.. as Frame quotes..I smiled when I read that, because it was something my mother used to always say ...

SCROB..first, I don't think depression..or this support Board have an age limit ! Depression hits people at different stages of their lives and as the result of unique "triggers".. I am 53 and while I have struggled with varying levels of depression for years.. my current "hit bottom" was triggered by a recent issue with my only remaining family member..my brother.

I am sorry for your momther's passing.. a passing of a parent is never easy, no matter what the relationship. This passing may have brought up triggers for you.. it's hard not to evaluate ones life during these times..and not always easy to see anything in a rosey light.

You've raised your son..on your own, and that is no small task, especially this day and age. I am sure he is grateful for all you have done for him. But, right now, you need some support to help you get your emotions above water again. It's clear you are struggling financially... if I can ask.. are you able to see a doctor and review your medication dosage ? Are you in a position to possibly get a referral to a counselor to talk things through ?

Posting here is good..you are not alone.. and it's time to take care of YOU ! This is an emotional time in your life and those emotions are bubbling up.