Medicated after all these years.

[mindyjane283]

Well first off Hi. I'm new to these parts, but I'm not new to depression. I'd say the start probably was when I was around 10 (I'm just about to turn 30). Off and on over the last 20 years I have dealt with the issues and feelings that go with it but in the last couple of years the walks, exercise finding things you enjoy being around people and the rest of the natural was to deal with the problems have stopped working. I have had a child in that time, a beautiful little girl whos currently 15 months old sitting next to me playing with her dinner instead of eating it. During pregnancy (all 42 weeks) I had the normal ups and downs that you expect while pregnant the mood swings the issues with weight gain all of it. After my daughter was born I had my moments of not wanting to leave the house and a ripped diaper making me cry, "normal" I told myself "give yourself time you'll level back out" I gave myself time even turned down the offer of meds at my 6 week check up saying I'd be ok I'd handle it. I breastfed till she was a year old and when I stopped I expected another hormonal change. I was in line to try to donate eggs and was told 3 months hormone levels straighten out and then we can start the blood work ect. This month marks that 3 month line, and today I was at the doctor getting diagnosed with depression. Well there goes that idea I knew it was gone when they called 2 months ago saying we changed the age from 35 to 30 you have to be in before your birthday to start blood work to be still in the program. I can say with out a doubt I am out of the program. Today I was handed Cymbalta I start it first thing in the morning and we will see how this is going to work.

I am not fully surprised by this like I said 20 years I've been dealing with the good the bad and the craptasticly ugly. I was the picked on bullied kid I was at a small school in Arkansas and apparently one day it was decided that in my class I was the kid that would be the butt of the jokes and teased. I played ball was in clubs and hung around the popular girls as we were all on the same ball team but I was the outcast. Me the one who had all the secrets that they didn't want even there best friend 4-ever (well before the bff line) to know. I was the shoulder the secret keeper, I was just like that doll that every girl had that they would tell the secrets too so that they would be safe. And through it all I kept what was shared in confidence all to myself. Before starting the 10th grade my mom put me into modeling classes it helped my confidence and self esteem more than I could ever dream and was worth every penny (Barbizon was the name of the school) My 11th and 12th grade years where a roller-coaster all their own but I managed to keep my head up while watching my grandmother lose to Cancer and then my grandfather die from a long 9 months of heart attacks and rapidly falling health. In that time frame I went from the quite picked on girl to proving I knew how to use my voice and became the school Bit#@. I left after graduation and went to a college about 2 hours away. I went enjoyed college failed some succeeded and eventually graduated with a degree in fashion merchandising in an economy that really didn't have a place for me to succeed in this profession but the skills haven't gone to waste retail management consulting some and so forth plus sewing skills. But I lost my other grandfather to cancer and my other grandmother started the losing fight with Alzheimer. She wouldn't live long enough for me to have my daughter. I moved to Florida worked for Disney, my now husband came into my life fully, we lived together moved to Ohio (where hes from) together got married had our child. All through this I worked I lost jobs, left jobs, we struggled, had no money or almost no money and at times we had 20 bucks at the end of the week we felt (and still feel) rich. Now I am a stay at home mom, failing at a home party business venture wanting a part time or from home job and my depression has raised its head and shown how big it really is. I snap at everything, scream and yell, and can find no way to stop. So that lead to the talk with the doctor today and the new meds that I hope will work. I am hoping to keep a blog of everything and see if I can track if it is working.

[Ghost]

Hi. I'm also new around here. Over the years I've learned how to understand, accept and deal with my sorrow. Now I love the feel of true sadness.

I'm not suggesting this way to anybody.

I've read your story and am looking forward for the results of your medication and general treatment. Good luck!