How much can we handle?

[RickJames]

It seems like I can't remember the last time I was truly happy. I just go through every day like the day before, I don't see people, I don't go anywhere, I don't talk to people on the phone. I'm really tired of feeling so bad and so sad all the time. I thought my husband would be my rock but he seems to be getting a little tired of me not really cleaning or doing much of anything. I keep the house vacuumed and the laundry done but on a weekly basis that's about it.
Last week my Mom made a comment that made me realize that she knew I was molested when I was a kid. My Mom never spoke to us kids, at least to me, about places people shouldn't touch, personal space, none of that. She never even explained anything about having periods. I shared this with my husband because at the time of the incident, my Mom seemed angry at me, she never mentioned it to me, or told me it wasn't my fault, nothing. I don't know what to do with that. My husband is now being very angry and snappy with everyone. I think he believes he knows who molested me and he's angry about it and doesn't know how to handle it. I shouldn't have told him, I just created another issue to deal with. And the good times just keep on comin.....

[nenkohai]

I would urge you to get into therapy for yourself and couple's therapy for the both of you. Essential.

[RickJames]

I am seeing a psychiatrist myself tomorrow. I'm sure at some point my husband will be part of the therapy as well. I have been in therapy before and know that it can be a long and painful process. I'm not looking forward to it but know that it is necessary. I certainly can't make any progress alone.

[dougsan]

Your husband's reaction is far too common. in my opinion. I was molested for years -- six in total. Every loved one I told about it thought I was lieing and told me so. So, now I only tell my shrinks. They have all told me I have to work on the memories or they will overcome me. To every one of them I said the same thing, "How can I find a way to justify to myself that I was a sex object for my mother until I was 15 and that she kept making passes for many years after that. " I have said, my mother was sick. My mother had problems. My mother , my mother, my mother. Who cares what she had to live with. Look at what she has left me to deal with. I treated all women like they had no value, or importance until I was in my twenties. I have leared that my mother owned a lot of the reasoning behind my disruptive behavior. I worked on my disruptibe behavior. I still HATE all people in authority. I no longer attack them but I still HATE them. I am also still depressed.

You aren't alone. There are many of us who are fighting our demons every day. Somehow, with the help of the caring people in this forum, we survive. Continue to use any and all of us. Your survival is more important than your husband's difficulty with living with your memories.

Hope the shrink does good for you both.