So hopeless. So much self-hate and self destructive thoughts

[Airstream267]

Have shut out all. Been going on so long old friends are sick of it. All alone. So much disgust and hate for self. Therapist fired me after 15 years. Dont believe another can help either, waste of money. Tried every modality of therapy out there. On meds. Bipolar but so long since any level of manic. Gained tons of weight. Absolutely nothing is interesting or fun, at all. Pathetic. Zero empathy for self, i put myself here i presume. Here out of total desperation. Help, anyone, please.

[Airstream267]

All out of options, anyone? Anything?

[nenkohai]

I here ya.

My personal solution (that worked for me), in addition to therapy and some meds, is a Buddhist approach to my depression management.

Can say more if interested and even direct you to a youtube or two.

NK

[Airstream267]

Tolle, adyashanti, gangagi, pema chodran, Byron Katie, all that? I'd be interested to hear what worked for you. The rest of it feels like something is there but just not for someone as close to gone as me. Thank you.

[nenkohai]

This may be of interest to you. YOu'll have to be a bit patient. Its over an hour long, but this video spoke to me.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bjhce63L0N4

[Airstream267]

Thank u. He is inspiring. I have spent a lot of time trying to follow this path, in fact hilariously enough i am enrolled in a buddhist based graduate school in the fall. (Naropa). But i am so low i cannot begin to sit. Or believe i will survive until fall. My faith is so gone that i cant believe words like his apply to me. Ive been taking more and more pills this weekend challenging myself to see how "brave" i can be to swallow as many at one time as i dare. Im sure the buddha would say something about just being with that feeling and sitting with it. Again it feels so good to get your loving helpful response and thank u for trying. I am only so very alone in the world.

[nenkohai]

Airstream, I wish I could give you something to really hang on to.

When I've examined that same space in me (where you are)... well, I get where you are, for one. But, looking at the depth and breadth of who we are...? Dude, there are universes there. And they are totally worth exploring.

[Airstream267]

For each of u. My god how bipolar sucks and its why i will not procreate. I am a little better today which makes your words sink in a little deeper. I send you so much love and hugs for caring about others so much.