lost

[memyselfandi]

I dont exactly know what im doing here but I suppose this is me asking for help..

Hi my name is katie and im 21. I dont really remeber when all this started I feel like ive always had this darkness in me I suppose but other the past few months ive been losing contol. I cant keep my "fake smiles" last and I think im finally boken.

I have my frist doctors appioment on friday at 10 and ive never been so sacred I know I cant keep trying to fix myself on my own and I know if I dont get help soon I may be lost forever.

- I dont want to gef out of bed anymore
- I feel everyone is better off with me gone but I dont want to die.
- I'm avioding everything I used to love
- I cant stop crying
- My weight is out of contol
- I feel like am drowning
- I lock myself away and shut everyone out
- I'm fighting a battle with myself that I cant win


My mother doesnt understand my boyfriend thinks Im exgerating my problems my dads verbally abusive I used to be so good with my newphes and nieces and now I snap shout and scream at them all the time and I cant control myself. My sister knows and has forcedme to see the doctor my brother know nothing and my other sister well I think Im to damaged for her to even care.

So thats me. Im lost in a sea full of people and I dont know how to find my way back.

Will this feeling ever go away or will my darkness follow me everywhere I go?

Help and understanding needed.

Im confunsed and alone.

[fallen]

i'm sorry your going through this but i'm glad your going to get some help that is crucial for recovery.
most people get over depression and it just becomes an episode in your life. you can learn from it and draw wisdom from it so as bad as it is it will make you stronger in the end.
know that some one cares the people on here are very nice and supportive , maybe try out the chat room and just listen to the conversation , it goes a bit fast sometimes but you can ask questions and some others may be able to give suggestions.
take care.