Lost in an Ocean of Rising & Falling Waves of Moods trig

[Meloncholic Anchovy]

Hello everyone, I'm NEW here and I'm from Singapore.

I was recently diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder by my psychiatrist and am on a slew of prescription drugs. It's been some 5 months now (I'd discount 2 months in 2012 from November to December under a GP's observation), and although I'm feeling a little better than when I first 'crashed' in November 2012, I'm still battling with these sudden downward spiraling of mood. Additionally I'm also desperately attempting to grasp onto whatever passing motivations and or interests in activities that I used to enjoy. Right now, absolutely NOTHING - interests me, and suicide in my mind is a like gigantic flashy LED adorned billboard advertisement to "Free yourself at NO COST! We offer a 10001 one way trips to any destination of your choice!"

What I am feeling right now?
>> I have lost faith in People, as well as Mankind
>> I now think God does not exist
>> I feel that Life itself is a Lost Cause
>> I think Medical Industries globally are just capitalizing on people's ailments - Depression included

Would be great (or at the least just nice) if I chat with someone likeminded..LOL

[hollyann]

Hi thank you for sharing. Bipolar can be really hard to deal with. The important thing to remember is, the diagonosis just lets you know what you were already dealing with, and help so that you can deal with it more effectively. Suicide is not an answer, and if you are feeling this way, maybe your doctor needs to adjust your meds a bit in the time of depression.

There are ways to get assistance for people to get meds even if they can't pay for them.
There's bad people out there, but there are still some good people out there too.
Life is never a lost cause. Just sometimes you have to search for a reason to continue, and a reason to go on. And realize its the depression talking.

hollyann

[Meloncholic Anchovy]

Suicide is not an answer, and if you are feeling this way, maybe your doctor needs to adjust your meds a bit in the time of depression.

I would think that Suicide is neither a 'good' or 'bad' thing - just depends on one's circumstances (or religious ethos), as a Human living in this - not so glorious World. Once a while though, I do ponder how ill-informed our souls are when prior to being ceremoniously pulled out from a womb and into this world of all sorts of pains and ills of mankind. Then having grown older and knowledgeable we discover there are more than one way to leave this mortal world without any idea what it is like after death either. Quite a Raw Deal, isn't it?

Yes, my Shrink adjusted my meds recently. And I am still as morose, bereft, & melancholic. Isn't Modern Medicine wonderful?

There are ways to get assistance for people to get meds even if they can't pay for them. There's bad people out there, but there are still some good people out there too.

Here in Singapore, whatever 'ways' there are, it only just means more medical expense. There is a popular saying here; "It's okay to die here, but not to fall ill in any way." Sure of course there are Good, Bad and Ugly people that made up this spinning godsend of a planet. How much better to date are we getting judging from World News?

Life is never a lost cause. Just sometimes you have to search for a reason to continue, and a reason to go on. And realize its the depression talking.
hollyann

Life as I perceive it, is actually Time. And time, with each passing second, is lost forever. But what is the Cause in Life? Has anyone seen it lately? As for Reasons: I have been searching a good 30 over years. I found the reason/s, then lost them, then found them again, and now - this in the name of Bipolar.

[Meloncholic Anchovy]

I used to think that, my Mind, belongs to me. Absolute.

But today, I find that it isn't so: my mind isn't "truly" mine - it's like, someone else have gotten hold of my Car Key, made duplicates of it, and drives off in it whenever it wants to, and to wherever it wishes. Then, returns it much later, all grimy and mud splattered for me, to wash up.

Hence, every day I have to check if my 'car' is still where I've parked it over night. As such, planning for anything beyond the present moment, is quite impossible.

[babey-dol]

U cant think that coz ur already lettin it beat u... If uv found reasons in he past jst proves that r reasons in he future ur jst choosin not to c them ur lettin it get the better of u.. U cant do that u need ta stand up n say no i am ere iv been givin this (okey maybe a tty life) bt its still somethin its still ur life ur own mind...its YOURS uv been givin it for a reason even if we never get to c that reason no1 bt urself can truely help u n if its wa ureali want if ur reali fed up of feelin that way u will make chamges even if its for an hour for that hour ul b doin it on ur terms not depressions... Iv dealt wid it for yrs n omli 24 bt runnin away n hidin or tryna end ur life is nt the answer uv always got dct jead on ur onli lettin urself dwn if u dnt we all deserve to b happy n if we canmake that happiness aa i sed for jst even an hour uv still done it ur still faced ur demons havin good ppl arnd u helps .. Iv ad no1 no support have no mates bt ino iv been put hear for a stupid reason ... It helps to think of those less fortunate those poor cancer kids that never get a chance at life i wish n wud give them mine in a second if i could bt i cant its been chosen for me ... Nobody sed life wud b easy even at te best of times u cant c that light at the end if the tunnel bt it is ther.. Sorry for the essay x

[Meloncholic Anchovy]

My next appointment is coming up soon. What can ask my shrink to prescribe that will lift my mood? Domicum? ANy uppers?

[xll3]

Iam on viibry i like it but it seems to wear off quickly. I take it in the morning and around 4 iam upset or anxious again. I mentioned it to my Dr but i do not want to go to a pysichiatrist. i do not want to pay an additional visit. I dont want them to think i am drug seeker cause iam not. I feel like talking is not gonna make things go away for ever. they wont be there when i have an episode or i wont have an episode when i have a visit. everytime i go to the dr i feel just fine. and a week after all hell breaks loose. i have xanax but it just puts me to sleep. i dont wanna sleep in the middle of the day......

[4EverMe]

Hi Melancholic Anchovy,
You've posted your feelings here and that's good. If you didn't any reason to go on, would you be reaching out? It' good to express your emotions--the good, the bad, and in-between.

On the issue of your xanax putting you to sleep? Lol! I've been there. But that side effect goes away with usage and time.

I'd like to add that it's some people of this world, and the influx of evil that causes humane people to suffer. You seem to blame God a lot for the evil and misery we have to deal with. It would be more logical to blame what/who is responsible.

At any rate, I hope you find a medication regimen that works, and that things improve for you. Take care

[Alaska1958]

I hope things are getting better for you. Back when I had insurance, I took provigal and liked it. It's a kind of mental stimulate, but I don't know if it's appropriate for you or not.

I've been lucky in life and I've always been grateful to have known so many people who extended a hand of friendship to me. Even through these last few years when I've had a lotof troubles, so many people in many different places have tried to help me out.

I hope you will be able to say the same in time. It doesn't make the disease go away, but it does help to cope.

Good bye and good luck.