Work is killing me inside

[lovehaterunner]

Hi everyone,

The reason that I have registed today and am writing this post is my job. I hate it. My partner tells me to think of the money, but all that does is depress me further that I have to live a joyless existence all day, every day (or at least from 9-5) in order to have enough money to pay my bills. I'm exhausted. I look forward so much to the weekends, but as soon as they start I find myself dreading the Monday which comes all too soon. I'm tormented by all these articles on self-improvement blogs telling you that you can work at a job you're passionate about and be happy. I can't see how. I'm not really good enough at anything. I work in admin. The only thing I can do besides that is write, but I lose faith in my ideas pretty quickly and I find it hard to believe anyone would want to pay to read my books anyway, even if I could actually finish one.

At work it's boring. When it's quiet and I'm struggling for something to do, I hate that I'm bored, but when I'm busy then I just get stressed and bored. My boss is an egotist and thinks he's God's gift to the universe. He is so arrogant that he can't see anything wrong with thinking that our cleaner should be grateful he deigns to speak to her.

I know most people would say to just get a new job, but its not so easy to do when I've got a new mortgage and no back up funds if a new job goes belly up. I'm also half way through an apprenticeship and am reluctant to not see it through to the end. I also know how hard it is to find a new job in this time, having went from temp job to temp job before finally finding this permanant one.

In the absence of being able to leave my job just yet, does anyone have any tips on ways to make each day seem more bearable? I would much appreciate it.

Thank you for reading.

[hollyann]

I can understand your concern about leaving a job that makes you unhappy when there's no guarantee about a new job.

The only thing is if you keep getting so depressed it would be hard to work this job anyways.

I'd say its at least looking for another job no matter how much security you have at the other one.

The choice is yours of course, but having a job that makes you happy can really make a difference. Or maybe be an admin at a job you like could make a difference.

Dont give up on your writing. Maybe set a goal to write so much each day, or each week that could help too.

hollyann

[canadiangurl_77]

Hi there! I just signed up here a couple of days ago and just posted my first "real" post.

I'm going to have to agree with Holly....write a bit every day. Do you keep a journal at all? Having a job/career that you are passionate about would make a world of difference for you.

I too can relate to your statement of how quickly you lose faith/interest/jam in your creativeness of writing. My problem is just getting started....somedays it takes me anywhere near to 3-4 hours to get the ball rolling.

And your're completely right....for those who aren't in the situation, it's way easier to say rather than do things-just like you said about fidning a new job. There's plenty to factor in when you make a huge move like that.

Do you exercise at all? Tomorrow a girlfriend of mine and I are starting to get back into the whole exercising thing. She suffers from depression as well and we are going to test the theory that exercise helps with depression-not a cure, but looking for some personal well being. Just like everyone else, WE WANT TO GET HAPPY! Or even if someone smiles at you or tells you a joke-laughter is also important.

I know that's not much, but maybe you can find an iota of advice you can use in my response. Keep your chin up! Any big plans for the weekend?

Leanne

Personally, I don't think somone who subscribes to the theory that money either makes you happy or makes the world go round is healthy-quite toxic actually. I was married to someone like that-he made a shitload of cash, but was MISERABLE which lead to a horror of a marriage (but keep in mind, that's just my own personal experience).

[lovehaterunner]

Hi Leanne,

I always used to keep a journal but then I lived with a psycho who deciphered the code I wrote it in and used to read it, so I had to stop. I've only just restarted keeping one.

I'm impressed that you have the patience to keep trying to write for 3-4 hours at a time.

Yep, I exercise. Am in training for a marathon at the moment. I hear that exercise is supposed to be at least as effective for moderate depression as anti depressants. Maybe during, as I'm concentrating on not giving up, and straight after from being glad it's over, but my post exercise happy quickly turns to post exercise sleepy lol.

BTW I agree with you that money alone won't make you happy. Once you have enough for basic needs, then having more money in itself isn't enough to make me do something I hate. If you wanna get technical about it, you could refer to Maslow's hierachy of needs. Once your basic food and shelter/security is taken care of, approval and recognition start to become more important - something no amount of money can buy you.

[Littlewolf]

Hey, I'm new here but I'll chip in

I was stuck with a job I despised for some time. It was a retail job and when I first got the job, I was happy with it. Unfortunately after about half a year, I knew basically all there was to know about it and the guests I had really opened up my eyes as to how people are. I had some very rude horrible guests.
The job grew mundane for me and I was discouraged by humanity. I dreaded going to my "hell"
I could not quit the job, I had to help my family with bills and keep up with my schooling expenses.
I was miserable, to say the least.

My situation was slightly different, because I'm not paying a mortgage but I quit and it's only been a few weeks and I'm loving it.
I think you should consider trying to find a stable job you'd enjoy a bit more. I know that's difficult nowadays but if you keep up with this shitty one until then, I'm sure you can make it.

Try eating healthy, exercise, keep busy on the weekends and do different activities, it makes the weekend seem longer. Read a good book before bed every day or start a journal.
I'm a writer as well and I have your same issue, it's hard for me to finish anything! But I try to write a chapter every couple of weeks.
Set a goal for yourself.

[timblue]

This problem is faced by many working individuals. As you said you have to work to pay your bills, you can not leave the job. But you can try to find a new job that you love. When you find such a job, leave this one. As for the depression, you need to practice meditation that will help you keep your mind calm and you will feel fresh at work.
http://www.karinherzog.com/fr