Very depressed

[Cris84]

Hello whoever is reading this. Im new today just been reading other posts. It makes me so sad to see so many people are depressed. I have been struggling with depression and addiction my whole life. I think about suicide constantly and have feelings of extreme sadness of mo reason sometimes. I wish the world could just be perfect and everyone be happy but i guess its not gonna ever be that way. I just got out of a relationship, she broke with me due to my depression and anger problems. Im so scared to be alone cuz i dont know what I'll do to myself. No one truly understands unless they have the same feelings. Every day i live in misery. I cant even get out of bed i cant believe im even writing this. I just want to die, it feels like the only answer to my illness. Im tired of feeling this and just want to be happy and have a family but i know i wont ever be happy. I pushed so many people out of my life and now most of them are gone. I been on medications before and they do work for a time. I feel hopeless and alone and i pretty much am. My gf is so angry at me for the way i am and thinks i can just snap out of it. I just want to feel normal. Im struggling so much with life. I want to give up. I hope someone replies

[Butterfly1990]

Hi Cris84, you're not alone because I am going through a similar thing as you at the moment, I've just gotten out of a relationship with someone I've been with for nearly 3 years, it ended because I was so angry at what my boyfriend said that I completely lost myself and control over my actions and it ended with me physically fighting with him, he tried to stop me but I was not in control.
I too have suffered from depression, it started with the death of my dad nearly 6 years ago, I was put on anti depressants and then I got into this relationship being all happy and suddenly I started to feel different, quite lonely at times actually and the worst part of it was that my boyfriend couldn't understand it, he gave me so much love but he never really confronted me about my feelings, even when I told him I was feeling suicidal at times, maybe that's why I started to feel very alone and maybe that's why our relationship ended.
It's been nearly a month since the break up and I have bouts of anxiety in the morning, I feel worse than I ever felt in my life, I can't cope at work, my friends aren't helping me, I'm moving to a new house which is distressing at the moment and I've attempted suicide twice.
I know how you feel believe me, I'm scared to be alone at the moment too because I'm left with my thoughts and it's scary, waking up seems like the biggest challenge and day by day I try and convince myself that things will get better and I'll feel happiness again.
Reading your story has made me feel like I'm not alone and that there are people with similar circumstances as me, maybe were all meant to help each other on here, at the moment it feels like I will never be happy again and that's a very scary thought but I try and not blame myself for what happened because there are certain things you can't be in control of at times and were humans and we are allowed to make mistakes, even if it's a real big one, maybe it happened for a reason.
I'm glad I read your post because there's someone who feels like I do, if it will help you you can send me a private message on here if you just want to talk or tell me about your day because it's no good being alone in times like this, I should know because I feel like that right now so please stay strong, I'm trying to at the moment.