young, sad, and in college

[comiclydepressed]

hi

where to start, im a male

i was adopted (at birth). i moved around so much when i was younger i never had any friends. im currently attending college to be an Animator.
i didn't have any friends until sophomore year in high school.
the only happy thing i did while in high school was join the schools Comedy Improv team. where i seemed to be happy, funny, and enjoy life.
i found this to be a mask, i really felt alone, sad, scared, and depressed. my parents didn't believe i was depressed. they still don't. i started taking meds(accutane) to clear up my acne, one of the side affects is suicide(no joke). i dont want to kill myself but it heightens my situation.
i live in the dorms at my school in Wisconsin, my roommate doesn't hear me cry myself to sleep ( at least i don't think he does)

i ve been depressed a couple years now, ive attempted to cut myself, dont see why i havent

ive lost all joy

im alone, i need help.
i hate my life (dont we all)

sincerely



comiclydepressed

[Katietron]

Hi Comicly, I remeber you from the chat:)

((((Comiclydepressed)))) Hope you´ll find support from here, there are some really nice and smart people moving around here.

I was in a drama club for five years while I was in school and I hate performing. I mean, I liked preparing, I didn´t like performing. Basically what I want to say is that there are a lot more peole in your situation then you might think at first. College isn´t all fun and games for everyone, just these people hardly ever speak about that.

We all have our own journey, all of us and none of them is similar to those who stand next to us, so don´t feel bad about feeling the way you do.

Wish you the best,
K.

[comiclydepressed]

hi katie!!!

((((katie))))

i found this website a to be a great help within the first 5 minutes. i just needed to get some feelings out, i feel a lot better now that i told a few of my friends.

thanks. hope to talk to you soon



comic

[aim]

Hi comiclydepressed... great name, by the way. So many people mask depression with a sense of humor. I'm glad you're feeling better, and that you had a safe place to vent when you came here.

I was curious... did you ever have therapy to deal with your adoption? I ask because I'm an adoption worker and I always tell new adoptive parents that adopted children will require therapy as they age.

Also...I took accutane myself. This was a lot of years ago - 12 to be exact, and i know they've pretty much taken accutane off the market now. It works wonders, but the side effects, which do include suicidal thoughts, are horrendous. I got all every possible physical side effect, myself. Aching joints, the driest skin imaginable, etc.

Good for you for NOT cutting yourself, comiclydepressed. Stay strong and glad you found DU!

[Warmsoul/Jeanie13]

((((((((((((((((((( comiclydepressed )))))))))))))))))))))))

Just wanted to send a hug and good to see you found the forum. Hope to see you in the depression chat room again.

Warmie/Jeanie

[comiclydepressed]

ive never been to therapy before, i was adopted at birth, but i still have never fit in(even though my family and i look alike).

thank you for your comments, it helps being talked to




comiclydepressed

[aim]

Hi again, comiclydepressed. Even though you were adopted at birth, therapy is still not a bad idea for all adopted children. I'm sure your adopted family is wonderful, but I'm sure you still have questions about your past. Therapy is a good way to talk about things so you can try to get through them.

And please do keep talking! We're all here to listen...

[comiclydepressed]

my parents thought i was there perfect honor role student. my family was all about focusing on my older brother because he had big drug problems. my brother went through a lot when he was in high school, we ended up moving out of state so he could start over. i developed my depression after this move. when i was in high school my parents focus was on my older brother, the football player/now marine over seas, and my sister, the cheerleader. my parents always talk about my brother, they always see my sisters cheer competitions. they came to see my comedy improv shows maybe 3 time out of the hundred or so show i was in, over the course of 4 years. my parents were never actively involved in my high school life, like they were for my siblings.

I've never talked to my parents about my emotions, and i don't want to. i don't talk to them about my life at all, i will usually ask " how was work?" to avoid being questioned. if they ask me about my day I'll say "great."

I'm starting to have more thoughts about suicide, i know its not the answer. everyone says its not the answer. every time i walk out of my dorm i think "what if i jumped?" i have these thoughts everywhere, its in my head.

i don't call my parents from college, they call me. when I'm home for a weekend i usually spend more time with friends then my parents

out of the four kids in my family 2 are adopted and the other two are the REAL children of my adoptive parents, the other adopted kid came into my families life about 3 years ago, my aunt died of cancer and she left us molly, my sister from china. she is 9 years old(brought to the usa as a baby). my brother is 22, im 19, my sister is 17 and the littlest sister is 9.

i just listed many reasons why i may be depressed, but i still feel like my parents don't care for me as much as they do the other kids.

sincerely,



comiclydepressed

[aim]

hi again, comicallydepressed. I'm sorry you feel so low, and that you also feel that your parents don't love you as much as the rest of the family.

Often, when a child is in trouble, as your drug-addicted brother was, parents tend to solely focus on that child. They take for granted that the rest of the family is well, and put all of their strength into making that, "sick" child better. Seems that is the case with you.

I do want to tell you that as someone who assists in adoptions, these parents adopt a child to love and cherish as if they gave birth to them. They only want to nurture a child which is why they adopt. I'm not saying that there are not bad adoptive parents, just as there are bad birth parents, but there are just as many good ones.

I know you say you don't want to share your feelings with your family, but I do urge you to seek therapy for your depression and related issues; especially if you have seriously considered harming yourself. You are worth the effort it will take to seek help, ok? Please always believe that.

You also get to be a big brother to two younger girls - especially the nine-year-old girl. She is adopted as well, and you could probably be a great influence, support and help to her.

Good luck to you, and I really do hope that you look into therapy.

[comiclydepressed]

I'm going to see a counselor on Friday, I'm not sure where to start.

[Warmsoul/Jeanie13]

(((((((((((((((((( comiclydepressed )))))))))))))))))))))

Trust in the counselor, sure this person will know how to help you get it 'starter'. Sending good thoughts with you.

/Warmie/Jeanie

[aim]

Hey, comically depressed! Be proud of yourself for taking the step to see the counselor! Good for you! You're on your way to making your life happier!!! And, as Jeanie said, trust the counselor - they are there only to help you. And please, let us know how it goes!

[comiclydepressed]

thanks guys, I'll tell you how it goes after I'm done on Friday

[Warmsoul/Jeanie13]

Will keep you in my thoughts, all good ones coming your way.

Allow yourself to 'open up', knowing you are doing what is best for you. Know it isn't an easy task.

(((((((((((((((((((((( comiclydepressed ))))))))))))))))))))))

Take care

Warmie

[comiclydepressed]

ok, i just got back from the counselor. she gave me a test it said i have severe depression, i could have told her that.

she asked about my life: family, friends(2), school, drug use, my thoughts(suicidal), about this website, sleep habits (cant fall asleep, cant wake up), and other non sense

she wants me to see a psychiatrist(scheduled for feb 23), she said starting on meds is a good idea. is it?

my mom deals with all the medication in my family, so this means if im prescribe something, i have to let my mom know about it. my mom will have trouble understanding, she will blame all sorts of shit that didn't cause it (just so she doesn't seem like a bad parent)

overall, i really liked her, i don't regret going, i feel good about it.

in other news. im going to create a video about my depression, it will be in moving pictures animation kinda thing (not animation because the drawing themselves do not move).i will hand draw each picture. i will narrate it. im exited about it. i can express my self better this way



sincerly



comiclydepressed

ps it may be up in a week or two weeks depending on how i feel, ill post a link to youtube.