I don't get it

[mac58]

Beautiful day. Memorial day. Was invited to a large barbecue. Lotsa people, great food, perfect event. So, what did I do? Stayed home, had a couple drinks. Guess I was looking for an excuse not to go. Social anxiety? Now I get to make excuses as to why I never showed. Everybody was expecting me. Too drunk to drive. Funny thing is this: I NEVER drink alone. Sure tasted good today tho.

Mom called to remind me it was my sister's birthday. gotta call her to make everyone happy. F#@k that. I'll call her, but it pisses me off that my 85 yo mother still has to make sure everybody is remembered on their special day. Wish she would leave me alone. Love her, but that is only by default. Have to, you know; she's my mother for god's sake. My sister couldn't give a s#%t less if I call.

Time for another drink....

[Warmsoul/Jeanie13]

((((((((( mac ))))))))))))

Guess mother's are that way at times. Hope you are doing all right.

Warmie

[SOUP]

Alcohol is THE biggest depressant out there. I´ve seen alcohol tear up the lives of successful men and women, please don´t go down that road. Drinking will give you a short-term sense of relief, but once the effect is gone you´re only going to feel much worse. I would suggest you try consulting a therapist, there are definitely some things you need to shine some light on.


Good Luck

[Warmsoul/Jeanie13]

(((((((((((( Soup ))))))))))

Thank you for sharing. Some good points.

Warmie

[SOUP]

(((Jeanie)))

Any time hun.

[mac58]

Appreciate everyone's comments and concerns. I find it so damn frustrating to deal with it all. Social gatherings make me want to hide under a rock. Holidays suck too. They feel so superficial and meaningless, so I gravitate to being alone. Hate the theatrics of socializing. Some folks know how to 'fit it' and are comfortable with the surroundings. On the other hand, I prefer to sit on the sideline and watch. Hoping, longing and wishing to feel like I fit in somewhere. Why can't it all just go away? Why can't I just wake up from the nightmare?

Shame and guilt. That's all it is, good ol' shame and guilt. Heaped on unknowingly (and knowingly) by friends and family. Teasing sucks. Hell, I"m 52 and I should grow up and get over it, but all of those seemingly harmless jabs and comments do hurt. Small doses accumulate and have a detrimental effect on me. My only response is to back away from those folks and make excuses as to why I don't come around any more. God forbid I told them the truth about my feelings; they might be offended.....

Wish I could wake up from the hell or never wake up and be transformed in another life.....

[Warmsoul/Jeanie13]

(((((((( mac58 )))))))))))))))

So many feel as you do, trust that, I feel the same. It is a hard way to go. How I wish I could give you answers and should I ever finds them I promise I will share.

Just know you aren't alone, lots of the chatters here can relate.

Take care

Warmie