The Manipulative Man

[mamasam]

ok , here goes... I got this really good book and it tells you how to identify manipulative men and actions to take and so forth and so on... thru studying this book, i learned that some men can have several different personality disorders. My ex guy happens to be a cross between "the Player/womanizer", "the successful narcissist, and the psycopath. Yes, i did say psycopath... he fits the criteria for 14 out of 14 on the player/womanizer, 12 out of 12 for the successful narcissist, and 15 out of 20 for the psycopath! Amazing huh? I was soooooo blind. Thru all of this hurt i am finding little comfort in this, but still the point is...there is some comfort. I am getting this straight from the book.
Starting with the Player/womanizer
signs you are dealing with one are: Attractive and well dressed,
well dressed,
smooth,
frequently well educated,
intelligent,
interesting,
persuasive,
insecure (but hides it very well),
convincing liar,
short term intimate relationships,
irrisponsible in intimate relationships,
professional - quality flirt,
pleasant- easy going manner,
likes and enjoys the company of women.
They often can be tempermental and cruel, and may take advantage of women for personal gain. They often enjoy flirting with danger, if he is not a criminal, he is a dare devil of sorts... mountain climbing(joe) , stock brokering (joe), car racing ( joe has done in past), piloting a plane ( and yes, he has a passion for flying).. these are things they do to bolster their ego, he also has a "cause" that makes him look sensitive to the needs of the less fortunate..( he is the guardian at lightum for displaced children in 4 of the surrounding counties of where he lives) ...it's all right here in black and white. The kicker for me was (because he comes off like prince charming) is womanizers, narcissists, and psycopaths all are the only personality disorders associated with "being able to fall in love with two women", The reason is, is because these disorders do not genuinly love, they mimmic the emotions ...scary huh? They will always choose the easiest prey...nurturers , people they will not have to commit to long term, like an impossible relationship. They will never choose someone hwom they have to expose their real self to, only ones who are believeing the "false self"...so the book says. Quotes from the book:
Womanizers/players are resistant to change. They are also resistant to telling the truth. He may spin a beautiful story, but it is still a fairytale.
There is one advantage to having this type of man in your life...he will tell you exactly what you want to hear, the disadvantage is you might believe it.(.i did)
Womanizers and players are unquestionably attractive, interesting and sexually experienced(i'll say!) THEY ARE NOT FAITHFUL,LOYAL,OR RESPONSIBLE!!

[crystalgaze]

I do know some people like this.... A loved one is a bit like that....


While I do not condone how he treats women.... I think that I have an idea as to what happened.... Sadly, though, it has caused pain all around & for him not to be able to let it all out to heal so he can be a better person....


So sorry this has happened to you.... You must persevere!!! (Rise up to free yourself of the smog consuming you!)

That's why I said in my other post: Don't take it personally! I met a guy & loved a guy similar to your ex, who ended up nearly raping me. Alright? & you know what?

I left it alone because I knew I would be resentful & angry--everything that I don't want to be.... Don't relinquish your power & control to any other human!

I am now very cautious & do what I can with what I have to protect myself better. It's all up to me & no one else!

Hang in there!

[darklight32]

If he's a womanizer/player then he sees women as objects. I'm a manipulative guy. I thinking too much to the point where i have headaches. I like my woman dangerous,.,

[mamasam]

Some men are just not strong enough to overcome life's nasty little lessons, then they turn into monsters themselves... and they say women are weak.... (((((((crystal)))))))))

[crystalgaze]

Hey there darklight! Nice to see you!!! ((((((((( darklight ))))))))))) ~glomps~

Dangerous woman, huh? ~cranes her head to 1 side~ Um.... How dangerous? What's your definition of dangerous? PM me that response or start another thread...

Really I am curious.... Always so honest.... Can't hate anyone for that.... I have a dangerous side that comes out, I guess.... but that comes to a bathing suit I have wanted to wear for SOooo MANY YEARS & just haven't. ~lol~ Everyone tells me not to wear it.... because it's too skimpy.... but I just want to go out & enjoy myself for once--whether my figure is perfect or it isn't....

Anyway back on topic.... Don't mean to hijack mamasam's topic or sound insensitive.... Definitely not my intention!

[shatteredhopes]

Well (((((((((((((mamasam))))))))))))) you are right...I see my ex in there too...except the attractive part....I loved him before I knew what he looked like now (balding, overweight! although think he was losing the weight, guess that gave him confidence to trade me in on new model)...used his poetry to flirt, draw women in...had his little groupies on the poetry sites....sense of humor, charming....many of the things you listed...

anyway, we DO deserve better...know you are about to crack...totally understand. Reread the manipulative book, post as much as you need, visit the chatroom on this site, distract yourself any way you can!!!!!!! Do you believe in God or a higher power in the universe? Why not everytime you want to contact him pray to whatever power there might be (prayer activates network in brain, so taps subconscious strength if nothing else!) to give you strength to not contact him and to find something else to occupy yourself...that's what I do every time I go on the internet, to avoid the sites he is/was on....all it would do is torture me, cause me pain...when you told him go be with her, he could have said no, I choose you, right then and there and broken it off with her, but he didn't did he? He wanted to have you both, string you both along, have his cake and eat it too...

He'll come sniffin' around...STRENGTH. PRAY FOR STRENGTH. You, (((((((Crystal)))))))))), me...we ALL deserve better!!!!!!!

[mamasam]

(((((((((((((((((shattered)))))))))))))) so glad to see you!!!! I wish i could get into the chat rooms but this computer won't let me so i am stuck outside in the forums, but its still nice and warm here. i have a hard time trusting in god or any higher power...i have been thru soooooooo much in my life that it's just too hard right now. My kids are busy with their lives right now, sure we do stuff on my off days and we have fun together ....i have been so preoccupied with thoughts of joe, i'm ashamed to admit that i haven't totally been there with my kids...my body has but my mind has been elsewhere...i am trying to focus more and more on staying in the moment ...that does help, but when the pain gets to be tooo much it's overwhelming and they can tell...it makes them angry. I keep telling myself "my future is so bright, i gotta wear shades " lol we shall see!!! I can only hope