To me holidays are the most depressing..

[40sLJM]

Holidays makes me very depressed especially New Years. I'm a very lonely person with nobody to share the holidays with. No friends, no family of my own. I'm really suffering, I don't know if things will get any better for me. It makes me so watching other happy families together and I'm out in the cold. I spent a lot of time on the internet, it's the only thing that keeps me occupied b/c I don't have anything else to do. I spent most of my time in my house , , & On new years eve I was b/c I'm very lonely. I hate the holidays, the most thing that makes me &

[shatteredhopes]

I empathize friend. I spent most of xmas eve and day cleaning my kitchen to distract me from being alone and it being a holiday, and new years eve night i spent most of joking around on the chatroom here. New Years day i slept a lot. But those holidays are over and we survived! I have some friends, but they are mostly more casual friends and have families of their own and it would not have been appropriate to invite myself to their homes.

I have a few suggestions on how to meet people from personal experience. First, if you are shy or have social anxiety, start small by just engaging in friendly banter with people in the grocery check out line or similar places about the weather, candy in the check out aisle, high prices, whatever. Go to a coffee shop with a book or newspaper or pad to write on and just sit. Smile at people and say good morning or hello to people as much as possible and look them in the eye. Sometimes I've done that and ended up in a conversation with people, one time a person gave me her business card and wanted me to give a presentation in a workshop series she was doing. These little steps can get you more accustomed to face to face people as opposed to behind the screen over the internet and build confidence. Start small, just forcing yourself to smile at folks you pass on the street.

Next, consider joining a hobby group, political organization, cause-related group, house of worship, theatre group, etc., whatever interests you. Socializing around a specific activity is sometimes a lot easier as you have a common topic and don't have to talk much if not able at the moment. But, I have made some friends this way.

Another thing to consider is volunteering. If you volunteer, it both improves your self esteem while often making you feel better or more grateful for your own circumstances, and you may make new friends in the process. I know I have made friends and acquaintances from volunteering.

Consider joining a therapy group if you can. You will meet others who have similar issues and it will thereby be easier to talk with them, and you may make some friends you can also communicate with and spend time with outside of group.

Maybe we can make it a goal to not spend next year's holidays completely alone. If you have neighbors, maybe next year you could bake cookies or candies or sweet breads and bring them to them...my neighbors have been doing this for years exchanging little gifts. One of my neighbors gave me a holiday mug with ghiradelli hot chocolate mini-marshmellows and candys wrapped in celephane with a big bow. It sounds silly, but i still haven't taken it out of the wrapping, its so pretty and every time i got depressed i looked at that pretty little gift just knowing someone cared just a little...Next year can be different. Even if i volunteer at the community xmas dinner for the needy or something, i am determined to change my life in 2010. Maybe you can join me, and we can look forward to the holidays next year instead of dreading them.

P.S. Try also the chatroom on this site out....always people to talk to who understand, sometimes we just talk about silly stuff or joke to cope, and sometimes the heavy stuff. Forum is great but sometimes quicker response in chatroom.

Wishing you light and peace in your day...

[Mich]

I understand your feelings about the holidays. It is a very difficult time and I am sorry that you were so sad. I hope now that they're over you have started to feel a little bit better. Shatteredhopes gives some very good suggestions for getting out in the world. I also need to take some of that advice as I seclude myself most of the time. I hope you will find the courage to try one of her suggestions when you feel able to. Please keep posting. There are many kind and caring souls here.

[40sLJM]

First, if you are shy or have social anxiety

It's more like I'm developing social phobia. I had friends that turned into backstabbers which makes it hard 4me 2trust any1..

Smile at people and say good morning or hello to people as much as possible and look them in the eye.

I would rather people come2 me rather then go them. I approached some1 @ a support group 1time trying 2be friendly & make conversation b/c she was sitting by herself, but this party gave me a dirty look & talked about me Bhind my back like something was wrong with me.. That devastated me so much that I wanted2 go up 2her & give her a good slap in the face.. From that experience I'm afraid2 talk 2people.. I'm not very good @ making conversation, I'm not intelligent, I considered myself an idiot..

If you have neighbors, maybe next year you could bake cookies or candies or sweet breads and bring them to them.

I live in an apt bldg, I don't hardly know most of them in my neighborhood & the reason I'm is b/c the 1ns in my bldg I hardly get along with.. I find them really pathetic, most of them R troublemakers. I wouldn't B friendly with those lowlife losers 4anything..

Next year can be different.

Yeah sure; People have been telling me that & like any other year it's the same BS. I don't C how this year or next year can B any different.. Might as well myself2 every holiday until I wake up 1morning

[Baz]

I feel the same about the holidays, this year I choose a Christmas day managers shift to avoid spending time with my extended (cousins, etc) family.