Today, well yesterday now started off to be a fairly decent day. My little boy, my mom and I getting up and going to chuch. And then afterwards we went grocery shopping. I was in a decent enough mood all things considered.
My mom got done with her shopping before me. So her and my son decided to wait outside so she can smoke while I finish my grocery shopping. I get outside and my mom and son are talking to this elderly lady. And everythings fine. And then out of no where she asks me and my mom both are we married. I said my mom is.
And I hated the look I saw in her eyes when she found out I wasn't. And the questions that came to follow. Why aren't you married? Keep in mind my son is there with me. I said it wasn't for the best. And she's like where is his dad? And its like his dad isn't around, but its better that way. And then getting asked how is it better that way? Didn't you two love each other? Or did you just think it was better that way?
I don't know why, but I always feel like when someone asks these questions I have to justify my actions. The why's, when the only person that really needs the answers is my son when he gets older. Right now, I just try to shelter him from the truth as much as possible. Just his dad and I couldn't stay together because his dad was sick. Not exactly the whole truth but not a lie either.
So here I am, and I'm being asked all these questions. The answers that I have and I know in my heart are painful. And I feel looked down upon because I'm an unwed mother. So I send my son inside to look at a game right inside the doors at Walmart. And its like I'm sorry but its not an answer that he needs to hear, but his dad was abusive to me while I was pregnant. We had been engaged, but I just couldn't stay. I could tell that her in eyes I was less. But nothing I could do. We parted ways, and I got my son, and we went home.
I didn't want him to see how much it bothered me. He's already been asking his own questions, and I am trying to put them off the best I can. Or say as little as possible. So we came home, watched tv, had dinner. And then it was time for bed time prayers.
Then after he's in bed and fast asleep. Well thats when it hits me. The being looked down upon, the thought less about. Because I was a young mother and I had my son out of wedlock. I know that in the past lots of people would marry if they got pregnant and stay with the person. But it would have been no life for my son and me. I had loved his father, the way I knew to love. But I did not love being abused while I was carrying his son. Or everything else that went on.
So here I am tonight, on the verge of tears. I've made my share of mistakes, but nothing will ever make me believe my son is one of them. He's my life. I just hate how sometimes I get looked down upon, because that's like they are looking down upon him too. And he's just a 9 year old boy. He doesn't deserve that. And I will never for one moment regret having him, though sometimes I might kid, and joke, but truth is I love even the worst of times when he's rebilous like kids can be.
I hate meeting new people sometimes. Because things like this is what I've experienced, its what I know. I hate the questions that come. What about his father? Where's your family? Things that I have answers for but never feel those answers are good enough. And things a lot of people don't want to hear anyways. But nothing I can do, it just seems to be a part of my life. But it doesn't make hurt any less when the day is over. I can sometimes set the hurt aside I've learned to do that, but sometimes it takes a while before I can brush it away again.
hollyann
looked down at (may trigger)
Moderators: Sunlily92, windsong, BlueGobi, Moderators, Astrid
(((((((((((((((((( Holly )))))))))))))))))))))))
I am so sorry that you need to went through that, people can be so judgemental and critical about things that they dont know. But knowing you, i know that you are a very very good mother, a good person, a good daughter and a good friend.
You are a good mother to your son, you protect him and you take care of him and i know that you are a great mother and that is what important. I hope you will feel better soon holly.
Love you a lot friend, will always be here if you need me
((((((((((((((((((( holly ))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
lots of love and hugs for you
Nurhidayah/dandelion
I am so sorry that you need to went through that, people can be so judgemental and critical about things that they dont know. But knowing you, i know that you are a very very good mother, a good person, a good daughter and a good friend.
You are a good mother to your son, you protect him and you take care of him and i know that you are a great mother and that is what important. I hope you will feel better soon holly.
Love you a lot friend, will always be here if you need me
((((((((((((((((((( holly ))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
lots of love and hugs for you
Nurhidayah/dandelion
no one can look down
my dear freind ,know one can look down on you ,there is not one person on this earth who stands any higher than you do ,no you are
equal to each and everyone ,of us and as a mother, your child will look at
you with a shining light in there eyes only a mothers love can produce ,
you will be an idol, and an angel ,a shoulder to cry on ,and last but not least a best freind to that child ,even when that child reaches adulthood
you will remain a mother and all these things ,and that adult you brought into this world ,will always be your child ,and believe me i know ,
and im going to add this here ,writing this to you now ,has made me see my own words ,and i must stand up now ,and go ,i have a battle to fight
you have given me a gift also thankyou , and the woman who asked you so many akward questions ,she was looking down at what she had longed for and pherhaps never had , a loving family out having a nice time ,she didnt mean to upset you ,she lacked the tacked and compassion that we are so lucky to understand ,,,,,best wishes xn728,,,,,,ken
equal to each and everyone ,of us and as a mother, your child will look at
you with a shining light in there eyes only a mothers love can produce ,
you will be an idol, and an angel ,a shoulder to cry on ,and last but not least a best freind to that child ,even when that child reaches adulthood
you will remain a mother and all these things ,and that adult you brought into this world ,will always be your child ,and believe me i know ,
and im going to add this here ,writing this to you now ,has made me see my own words ,and i must stand up now ,and go ,i have a battle to fight
you have given me a gift also thankyou , and the woman who asked you so many akward questions ,she was looking down at what she had longed for and pherhaps never had , a loving family out having a nice time ,she didnt mean to upset you ,she lacked the tacked and compassion that we are so lucky to understand ,,,,,best wishes xn728,,,,,,ken
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Warmsoul/Jeanie13
- Posts: 29195
- Joined: Mon Jun 05, 2006 8:46 pm
- Contact:
(((((((((((((((((((((( Holly ))))))))))))))))))))
We don't live in 'the past'. We live now, for today.
First you are a wonderful, loving and caring mother. You provide for your son, you give him love and understanding, compassion, you are teaching him right from wrong, values of life. You are giving him gifts that can not be bought. You are protecting him, from idiots like that woman!!!
Who the hell does she think she is? Asking personal questions of you in front of your son. Questions that are absolutely none of her business. You don't know her, won't know her, so she needs to be the better person and not be so damned nosy.
Holly, people like that are so bored with their own life, or trying their best to find someone that will make them think they are righteous. When in fact, if you knew the truth about them, they have all kinds of things to hide, no matter the age.
People like that you smile sweetly at and point blank tell them you really don't see a need to discuss that part of your life with a total stranger!!!!!!!!
An old question that you could use (been around for years). Ask them "Oh are you writing a book? If so please leave my chapter out of it!"
You owe NO ONE an explanation. If anyone should be judge, it should be that person. What a sad life she must live, to go around asking personal things as that, and in front of your son.
I am sorry this happened. Do not judge yourself, or allow others to judge you. You have your son, as it was meant to be. He is a gift from God. So she was questioning God's reason, remember that.
This is your post, and my support and love is here for you. You know how to get in touch with me, use that anytime.
Love to you
Jeanie
We don't live in 'the past'. We live now, for today.
First you are a wonderful, loving and caring mother. You provide for your son, you give him love and understanding, compassion, you are teaching him right from wrong, values of life. You are giving him gifts that can not be bought. You are protecting him, from idiots like that woman!!!
Who the hell does she think she is? Asking personal questions of you in front of your son. Questions that are absolutely none of her business. You don't know her, won't know her, so she needs to be the better person and not be so damned nosy.
Holly, people like that are so bored with their own life, or trying their best to find someone that will make them think they are righteous. When in fact, if you knew the truth about them, they have all kinds of things to hide, no matter the age.
People like that you smile sweetly at and point blank tell them you really don't see a need to discuss that part of your life with a total stranger!!!!!!!!
An old question that you could use (been around for years). Ask them "Oh are you writing a book? If so please leave my chapter out of it!"
You owe NO ONE an explanation. If anyone should be judge, it should be that person. What a sad life she must live, to go around asking personal things as that, and in front of your son.
I am sorry this happened. Do not judge yourself, or allow others to judge you. You have your son, as it was meant to be. He is a gift from God. So she was questioning God's reason, remember that.
This is your post, and my support and love is here for you. You know how to get in touch with me, use that anytime.
Love to you
Jeanie
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shatteredhopes
- Posts: 664
- Joined: Tue Oct 27, 2009 1:39 am
- Location: U.S.
(((((((((Warmie)))))))) said much of what I wanted to say, how dare that nosy busy body dare to ask all those personal questions and judge you! One of those typical hypocrites that criticizes unwed mothers and gays but will pass a homeless person starving in the street without a second thought! Hypocrites like that, all holier than thou, make me so angry! I often quote the Bible to them, because many of them have never actually really read it.
I wanted to share a personal story with you, that I had been meaning to post, but will here, if you don't mind on your thread, because there's a reason I want to share it with you...
I was being violently abused when I was an adolescent and trapped in a relationship for two years...I became pregnant and was so afraid my parents would force me to marry him if they found out, and I would never escape, that at 14 I had an abortion. It is a decision I have come to regret with every fiber of my being, but I learned to forgive myself because I was young and doing the best I could with the guidance I received at the time.
Does that woman realize how brave you are for choosing life for your son, even though it meant you would have to bring him up without the help of a partner? Does that woman realize you not only gave life to your son, but also spared him so much deeply scarring suffering of seeing mom beaten, and possibly being beaten himself? Does that woman realize someone who would beat you while you were pregnant might have so few boundaries he might kill you one day? Has she been beaten and know the trauma and emotional pain as well as the fear and physical torment?
"Judge not lest ye be judged" old bitty hypocrite.
You are a HERO in my book for making the RIGHT choice by giving birth but also in sparing yourself and your son so much additional suffering by getting out, and being brave enough to bring your son up without the help of a mate. You are a HERO for stepping out of cycle of dependence abuse creates and even though emotionally attached to the father, made a choice for self-respect, loving yourself and your unborn child enough to choose the health and survival of yourself and your son...so many women don't have the courage to leave, and pay a hefty price, as do so many children...YOU HAD COURAGE. YOU ARE BRAVE. YOU MADE THE RIGHT CHOICE. HOLD YOUR HEAD HIGH. I for one am proud of you.
Don't let the hypocrites define how you feel. I know it hurts to be judged and looked down upon, but she is the sinner for judging you, and rude for asking such personal questions, especially in front of your son.
Sorry for ranting and raving, this is just a very emotional subject for me!
I wanted to share a personal story with you, that I had been meaning to post, but will here, if you don't mind on your thread, because there's a reason I want to share it with you...
I was being violently abused when I was an adolescent and trapped in a relationship for two years...I became pregnant and was so afraid my parents would force me to marry him if they found out, and I would never escape, that at 14 I had an abortion. It is a decision I have come to regret with every fiber of my being, but I learned to forgive myself because I was young and doing the best I could with the guidance I received at the time.
Does that woman realize how brave you are for choosing life for your son, even though it meant you would have to bring him up without the help of a partner? Does that woman realize you not only gave life to your son, but also spared him so much deeply scarring suffering of seeing mom beaten, and possibly being beaten himself? Does that woman realize someone who would beat you while you were pregnant might have so few boundaries he might kill you one day? Has she been beaten and know the trauma and emotional pain as well as the fear and physical torment?
"Judge not lest ye be judged" old bitty hypocrite.
You are a HERO in my book for making the RIGHT choice by giving birth but also in sparing yourself and your son so much additional suffering by getting out, and being brave enough to bring your son up without the help of a mate. You are a HERO for stepping out of cycle of dependence abuse creates and even though emotionally attached to the father, made a choice for self-respect, loving yourself and your unborn child enough to choose the health and survival of yourself and your son...so many women don't have the courage to leave, and pay a hefty price, as do so many children...YOU HAD COURAGE. YOU ARE BRAVE. YOU MADE THE RIGHT CHOICE. HOLD YOUR HEAD HIGH. I for one am proud of you.
Don't let the hypocrites define how you feel. I know it hurts to be judged and looked down upon, but she is the sinner for judging you, and rude for asking such personal questions, especially in front of your son.
Sorry for ranting and raving, this is just a very emotional subject for me!
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blueisgreen
- Posts: 63
- Joined: Sun Oct 11, 2009 7:36 pm
- Location: USA
Hi Hollyann,
Well what an unexpected whammy! There you are innocently shopping and going about your own business, and to then have to be subjected to that is awful! I agree with everyone above and I also have a few more thoughts on the matter.
First of all, this older woman is most likely so incredibly alone and lonely that she can't control any opportunity to converse - at anybody's expense.
You are obviously a good person who has been brought up to be well mannered, polite and respectful of others - I think that may be why you feel that you are obliged to answer questions from complete strangers. You never have to answer to anybody, and with practice I know you could find a few ways to put a stop to that type of situation in the future. It could be as simple as ignoring the question and saying that you need to be on your way.
As far as your son is concerned, I don't know if this would be of help, but I have a friend who is a single mother and she told her child that the biological father was not able to care for them, so she takes care of them without his help. The child was satisfied with this explanation as to why there was no father in the picture.
I hope I have been helpful to you. Please take a good look at yourself and all you have accomplished. Raising a child is the most important job in the world, and there are no mistakes in the universe. Create a great day.
Peace be with you.
Well what an unexpected whammy! There you are innocently shopping and going about your own business, and to then have to be subjected to that is awful! I agree with everyone above and I also have a few more thoughts on the matter.
First of all, this older woman is most likely so incredibly alone and lonely that she can't control any opportunity to converse - at anybody's expense.
You are obviously a good person who has been brought up to be well mannered, polite and respectful of others - I think that may be why you feel that you are obliged to answer questions from complete strangers. You never have to answer to anybody, and with practice I know you could find a few ways to put a stop to that type of situation in the future. It could be as simple as ignoring the question and saying that you need to be on your way.
As far as your son is concerned, I don't know if this would be of help, but I have a friend who is a single mother and she told her child that the biological father was not able to care for them, so she takes care of them without his help. The child was satisfied with this explanation as to why there was no father in the picture.
I hope I have been helpful to you. Please take a good look at yourself and all you have accomplished. Raising a child is the most important job in the world, and there are no mistakes in the universe. Create a great day.
Peace be with you.
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TackingIntoTheWind
- Posts: 1060
- Joined: Sat Nov 21, 2009 11:35 am
- Location: South Wales
Where to start?!
As a British person it would seem rather strange to ask a total stranger whether they were married or not. Personally, I would only ask questions of that nature after I had been introduced to someone, and had formed some form of acquaintance with them. EG: a work colleague.
Also, where does she get off looking down on you?????????? What business is it of hers whether you're, married, single or having a series of one night stands with the Emperor of Japan????????? If this woman came to the UK, ( Or, Western Europe even more so ), and started making hurtful remarks about " unwed mothers ", she'd soon be broken of that habit the hard way! A great many of the most loving parents are either single mothers, or couples in stable, if unmarried, relationships.
" Unwed mothers " indeed! If you ever see this woman again, tell her to take a long walk off a short pier! ( And, I'm being polite! )
Speaking as a man, I cannot imagine any man abusing the woman who loves him, and who he supposedly loves. And, while she's pregnant, yet!
You, did the only right, sensible, sane thing in leaving an abusive partner. More's the pity that everyone being abused, doesn't have the strength that you do. No-one should have to deal with that kind of abuse.
Do you love your child? Does you child love you? If the answer, ( And I think it is. ) to both questions is yes, then I can see that you have anthing to be ashamed off!
As a British person it would seem rather strange to ask a total stranger whether they were married or not. Personally, I would only ask questions of that nature after I had been introduced to someone, and had formed some form of acquaintance with them. EG: a work colleague.
Also, where does she get off looking down on you?????????? What business is it of hers whether you're, married, single or having a series of one night stands with the Emperor of Japan????????? If this woman came to the UK, ( Or, Western Europe even more so ), and started making hurtful remarks about " unwed mothers ", she'd soon be broken of that habit the hard way! A great many of the most loving parents are either single mothers, or couples in stable, if unmarried, relationships.
" Unwed mothers " indeed! If you ever see this woman again, tell her to take a long walk off a short pier! ( And, I'm being polite! )
Speaking as a man, I cannot imagine any man abusing the woman who loves him, and who he supposedly loves. And, while she's pregnant, yet!
You, did the only right, sensible, sane thing in leaving an abusive partner. More's the pity that everyone being abused, doesn't have the strength that you do. No-one should have to deal with that kind of abuse.
Do you love your child? Does you child love you? If the answer, ( And I think it is. ) to both questions is yes, then I can see that you have anthing to be ashamed off!
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TackingIntoTheWind
- Posts: 1060
- Joined: Sat Nov 21, 2009 11:35 am
- Location: South Wales
Where to begin here. Thank you Dande, Ken, Jeanie, Shatteredhopes, blueisgreen, and Mich for your replies. It means a lot to me to read them.
The tears finally came this morning. I took a walk in the rain, probably not the best thing to do when it was cold and raining out (not heavily though) when I've been sick. But sometimes it has a soothing effect. And helps me clear my mind.
Knowing you all are out there and care, has helped me to smile even underneath there's still a sadness. It takes time to put it back in its nice little neat compartment sometimes, but I will.
Dande - Love and hugs for you too. And thank you for being the friend that you are and the person that you are. And for saying I'm a good mom. I do my best. ((((((((((((Dande)))))))))))))))))
Ken - Thank you for your post as well. I don't need to be an idol. I do want to be the best mom I can be for my son. A lot of it's learning as I go, but over it all, I try to let him know I'm there always. And to listen when he needs to talk. I have for a very long time always felt less than others and undeserving. It seems ingrained into my way of thinking sometimes. No need to thank me at all. I wish you luck on your stand and your battle.
Jeanie - Sometimes I get the two confused. Past and Present, but I know you are right. Thank you as well for saying I'm a good mom. And being loyal, and caring as much as you do. At the time the book reference and leave that chapter out didn't occur to me. I don't know why I always try to justify my actions, maybe its to make people understand. Maybe its so they won't think less of me. Or maybe its to reassure myself. I don't know. Thank you for saying that he is a gift from God, and she is questioning His reason. I will try to remember that in the future. This isn't the first incident like this, (may not be the last but hopefully it will be.) Love to you as well.
Shatterhopes - I don't mind that you used this thread to tell about you. This place is about supporting each other. I am sorry you went through what you did. I couldn't even begin to imagine what it would have been like at 14 for you. And I understand why you made the decision you did. I survived other types of abuse at that age, and I did what I could to make sure I didnt get pregnant, including beat myself up if I thought there was a chance.. So in a sense I would have done the same as you. I am glad you learned to forgive yourself.
I had my son at 17. I was pregnant at 16. I was 5 months pregnant when the father and I split up. My mom tried to convince me to marry him anyways, she knew a little what was going on. But thought I should marry for my baby's sake. When I didn't and I chose not to marry the dad I was told I'd have to be out by the date I had planned for the wedding day anyways. I was 17 when I got my own apartment. Thankfully there are low income places. I had some friends that helped. I was lucky. And other government programs that allowed me to be able to raise my son.
I'm no hero. All I could think about back then was the baby. The reason I was living. I didn't put him in jail. So I spend my life (9 years now since my son has been born.) Wondering if he will find me. I lost contact with my friends out of fear of him finding me. And I sometimes hear he still asks about me, and it sends me in a tailspin. I've sense was in an abusive relationship. I stayed two years in this one. Unfortunately my son seen a lot of this. He wasn't abused but he saw it. Which is causing him to act out now. I'm no hero, but my son gave me strength to once again get out. I dont feel very brave, but thank you for saying I am. And trusting us with this part of your life. (((((((Shatteredhopes)))))))).
Blueisgreen - Thank you for your reply. I was brought up the yes ma'am, no sir type. Even though I've kind have gotten away from it. Also taught to speak when spoken to, and I try to teach my son to answer when asked a question. It could have been this, or the need to justify myself that caused me to answer. I really don't know. I was compelled to. I dont know if I am still trying to justify it to myself after all these years.
As far as saying that his dad wasn't able to care for him, I appreciate the suggestion. I'm glad it worked for your friend. Unfortunately I don't think I could use it. To me it would be too much as if I am putting the other parent down. (Not saying that is what your friend is doing.) Just my mom and dad divorced when I was 5. Sides were often played. I don't want to try to seem like I'm doing that with my son. He knows his dad was "sick" and I had my own problems, and couldn't help his dad. So we broke up. I figure that when he gets older I will tell the truth to him. The whole of it, and let him make the decision himself. I know in the mean time it makes me look bad leaving someone when they are sick, but Ive felt it better than the alternative. But even that doesn't stop the questions. He wants to know who is his dad is married to, etc. And why couldn't I make it work. Etc. My hope is one day he will understand.
I wish I knew how to stop future events or cope with them better. The only solution I know is to stay away from people and avoid where this might happen. And as it is I stay in my room much of the time Except when doing things with my son, or cooking meals. I don't go outside much except to check the mail or I have to go to the store or something. So if you have any ideas other than total avoidance I'd like to hear it.
Mich - Thank you for your reply and thank you for saying I'm a good mom.
Once again thank you all for your support, and helping me to feel better. Not to where I was before this, but I'll get there again. And it helps to know I have all the support here.
The tears finally came this morning. I took a walk in the rain, probably not the best thing to do when it was cold and raining out (not heavily though) when I've been sick. But sometimes it has a soothing effect. And helps me clear my mind.
Knowing you all are out there and care, has helped me to smile even underneath there's still a sadness. It takes time to put it back in its nice little neat compartment sometimes, but I will.
Dande - Love and hugs for you too. And thank you for being the friend that you are and the person that you are. And for saying I'm a good mom. I do my best. ((((((((((((Dande)))))))))))))))))
Ken - Thank you for your post as well. I don't need to be an idol. I do want to be the best mom I can be for my son. A lot of it's learning as I go, but over it all, I try to let him know I'm there always. And to listen when he needs to talk. I have for a very long time always felt less than others and undeserving. It seems ingrained into my way of thinking sometimes. No need to thank me at all. I wish you luck on your stand and your battle.
Jeanie - Sometimes I get the two confused. Past and Present, but I know you are right. Thank you as well for saying I'm a good mom. And being loyal, and caring as much as you do. At the time the book reference and leave that chapter out didn't occur to me. I don't know why I always try to justify my actions, maybe its to make people understand. Maybe its so they won't think less of me. Or maybe its to reassure myself. I don't know. Thank you for saying that he is a gift from God, and she is questioning His reason. I will try to remember that in the future. This isn't the first incident like this, (may not be the last but hopefully it will be.) Love to you as well.
Shatterhopes - I don't mind that you used this thread to tell about you. This place is about supporting each other. I am sorry you went through what you did. I couldn't even begin to imagine what it would have been like at 14 for you. And I understand why you made the decision you did. I survived other types of abuse at that age, and I did what I could to make sure I didnt get pregnant, including beat myself up if I thought there was a chance.. So in a sense I would have done the same as you. I am glad you learned to forgive yourself.
I had my son at 17. I was pregnant at 16. I was 5 months pregnant when the father and I split up. My mom tried to convince me to marry him anyways, she knew a little what was going on. But thought I should marry for my baby's sake. When I didn't and I chose not to marry the dad I was told I'd have to be out by the date I had planned for the wedding day anyways. I was 17 when I got my own apartment. Thankfully there are low income places. I had some friends that helped. I was lucky. And other government programs that allowed me to be able to raise my son.
I'm no hero. All I could think about back then was the baby. The reason I was living. I didn't put him in jail. So I spend my life (9 years now since my son has been born.) Wondering if he will find me. I lost contact with my friends out of fear of him finding me. And I sometimes hear he still asks about me, and it sends me in a tailspin. I've sense was in an abusive relationship. I stayed two years in this one. Unfortunately my son seen a lot of this. He wasn't abused but he saw it. Which is causing him to act out now. I'm no hero, but my son gave me strength to once again get out. I dont feel very brave, but thank you for saying I am. And trusting us with this part of your life. (((((((Shatteredhopes)))))))).
Blueisgreen - Thank you for your reply. I was brought up the yes ma'am, no sir type. Even though I've kind have gotten away from it. Also taught to speak when spoken to, and I try to teach my son to answer when asked a question. It could have been this, or the need to justify myself that caused me to answer. I really don't know. I was compelled to. I dont know if I am still trying to justify it to myself after all these years.
As far as saying that his dad wasn't able to care for him, I appreciate the suggestion. I'm glad it worked for your friend. Unfortunately I don't think I could use it. To me it would be too much as if I am putting the other parent down. (Not saying that is what your friend is doing.) Just my mom and dad divorced when I was 5. Sides were often played. I don't want to try to seem like I'm doing that with my son. He knows his dad was "sick" and I had my own problems, and couldn't help his dad. So we broke up. I figure that when he gets older I will tell the truth to him. The whole of it, and let him make the decision himself. I know in the mean time it makes me look bad leaving someone when they are sick, but Ive felt it better than the alternative. But even that doesn't stop the questions. He wants to know who is his dad is married to, etc. And why couldn't I make it work. Etc. My hope is one day he will understand.
I wish I knew how to stop future events or cope with them better. The only solution I know is to stay away from people and avoid where this might happen. And as it is I stay in my room much of the time Except when doing things with my son, or cooking meals. I don't go outside much except to check the mail or I have to go to the store or something. So if you have any ideas other than total avoidance I'd like to hear it.
Mich - Thank you for your reply and thank you for saying I'm a good mom.
Once again thank you all for your support, and helping me to feel better. Not to where I was before this, but I'll get there again. And it helps to know I have all the support here.
TackingIntoTheWind - Thank you, your reply came through as I was typing a reply to the other posts. I understand where you are coming from. And I read it the way it was meant the first time. Yes I love my son very much. And yes my son loves me. He's a sweet and sensitive boy. He tells me he loves me, not a day passes. And usually out of the blue. And he tells me that I'm the best mom in the world. And he loves me to the moon and back he says. He deserves more than hurtful comments of others and I do my best to protect him from them. It's just a shame that it happens. And sometimes I feel like a failure because I didn't give him two parents. And because others make me feel shame. I'm not ashamed of him, and don't regret him. But the comments make me question my actions. And I tend to do that on my own. Question my decisions and try to justify myself.
She doesn't know me at all. But jugded anyways. I've always tried to live by the rule, that I wouldn't even date someone unless I could see it lasting. I'm actually involved in a long distance relationship now, and he will be around mid December. We plan to marry, I'm just the type of person (or feel that I am, sense I've never been married) That I dont even want the word divorce in my vocab. But what my son's father did, I just couldn't stay for. But she's not the first to look at me, and look at my son and react this way. She didn't have business asking, but even though I answered it didn't seem like the reason was good enough in her eyes.
Making her mind up without knowing me, or the situation. It's like I did this to myself, planned it this way, and I didn't. And sometimes when people find out that I don't want his dad in the picture, I get looked down on, Don't you think he deserves to know his dad? When he's old enough I'll tell him the truth and let him decide. Some people don't agree. I know people do things like keep a child from the other parent out of spite, but thats not been the case here. Yet too many people automatically have assumed it's so.
I think if I ever run into her again, I'll send her your way. But I'm hoping I won't. And that I'll be able to put this instance in the back of my mind soon. Thank you for your reply, and your support.
hollyann
She doesn't know me at all. But jugded anyways. I've always tried to live by the rule, that I wouldn't even date someone unless I could see it lasting. I'm actually involved in a long distance relationship now, and he will be around mid December. We plan to marry, I'm just the type of person (or feel that I am, sense I've never been married) That I dont even want the word divorce in my vocab. But what my son's father did, I just couldn't stay for. But she's not the first to look at me, and look at my son and react this way. She didn't have business asking, but even though I answered it didn't seem like the reason was good enough in her eyes.
Making her mind up without knowing me, or the situation. It's like I did this to myself, planned it this way, and I didn't. And sometimes when people find out that I don't want his dad in the picture, I get looked down on, Don't you think he deserves to know his dad? When he's old enough I'll tell him the truth and let him decide. Some people don't agree. I know people do things like keep a child from the other parent out of spite, but thats not been the case here. Yet too many people automatically have assumed it's so.
I think if I ever run into her again, I'll send her your way. But I'm hoping I won't. And that I'll be able to put this instance in the back of my mind soon. Thank you for your reply, and your support.
hollyann
((((((((((((((((((( holly ))))))))))))))))))))))))
just want to give you another hug, thanks for being a good friend as well and always be there for me, and im glad that you are here and get all of the support that you need, hope you feel a lot better soon.
/me sends holly some monkeys to cheer her up, and oh, some capucchino as well <3
love
dandelion
just want to give you another hug, thanks for being a good friend as well and always be there for me, and im glad that you are here and get all of the support that you need, hope you feel a lot better soon.
/me sends holly some monkeys to cheer her up, and oh, some capucchino as well <3
love
dandelion
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