Hello to all, and maybe to one of you in particular : )

[Gwynne]

Hi everyone! My name is Gwynne, and I was hoping to find an understanding partner to date. I'm 28 years old, a pansexual nonbinary AMAB, 5'9" (175 cm), 222 lbs (101 kg) (I'm working on it though!), and I have blue eyes and brown hair. I used to date in highschool and college, and after that I met some cool people through various apps, but I've had my fill of the apps for now. I live in the country and I don't go to bars often or have a large friend group in the area, so I thought I'd try an unusual option and ask for someone's company here. If this isn't an appropriate thread or forum to ask for such a thing on, I apologize, but I think having someone to potentially live with would make me feel better than if I was living alone.

About me:
I graduated from a small rural high school and then went on to attend a small urban college. After that I got a master's degree from a medium sized university. I like reading, science, computers, tinkering with things, and being outside. I like kayaking with friends or family especially as it provides exercise and an appealing setting in which to talk to people. I speak English natively and Spanish at a B1 level. Given my current progress rate I should be able to speak Spanish at a B2 level in a little less than a year. I think I look fairly plain, but I have a full head of hair and nice teeth, so I would make a good gift if I was a horse lol. Politically I'm left wing, but I'm fairly accepting of other points of view as long as it isn't something atrocious. I'm a pretty sleepy person, so I often go to bed early and sleep late unless I get wrapped up in a project. I have a large family, I'm the youngest of five siblings, and I'm a Myers-Briggs INFJ (at least to the extent that the Myers-Briggs test means anything). I can't promise I'll end up loving you or that I'll be able to heal you, and I wouldn't expect you to say that you'd be able to do that for me either, but at the very least I'll be there for you if we end up liking each other.

I'd like someone roughly between the ages of 25 and 33, about the same age as me. I think I'm looking for something long term. I haven't decided yet whether or not I agree with feminist author Nicole Pateman that marriage is a patriarchal institution, but if we liked each other and you wanted to get married I would probably be down for that. I don't have much money or valuables and maybe I never will, so I'm not scared of losing anything in a divorce. I would like a monogamous relationship though. My heart is a little fragile, so I don't think I could share you if I really started to grow fond of you.

As for you, I don't care about your level of education or income, but if you don't mind, my family is a little judgemental, so if you could fib a little bit about your level of success in life if you ever meet them that would be tremendous! I also haven't succeeded as much as I'd hoped, and I do the same thing with them, except for my youngest sister with whom I share more than I do with perhaps anyone else. Thank you in advance for understanding <3

I don't like to play the trans card, but I feel nervous about the government here in the US right now. A part of me is thinking of getting a TEFL (English teaching) certificate and trying to teach English online in a country with a less hostile government, and depending on the country I might go to I may or may not be able to support you there. The job market is hard to predict right now, especially with AI on the rise, so I'm trying to take one step at a time. Among the things holding me back from leaving the country are my car and my family. I'm lucky enough to have a loving family even though they're difficult sometimes, and as long as I present myself in a flattering way they're a good support system for me. I also have a nice car right now. It's nothing flashy, but it runs like a top and it has a lot of miles left in it. I bought it at a discount from my parents, and if I moved out of the country and sold it I may never be able to afford such a nice car again given how out of control the car market is. However, if you were a decent partner who just so happened to live in a more hospitable county and wanted to marry me, I would be willing to part with my car and move away from my family to have more peace of mind and safety. I don't want to date with any ulterior motives though, so I would be open to dating anyone who's compatible with me regardless of where they live. Where there's a will there's a way!

Now that I've given you some background on myself, I hope you'll allow me to share why I'm looking for a partner on a depression forum. I don't have much of a taste for life. If I could donate my remaining time to some gravely ill person who wanted to live I would. I'm fortunate to have been born with a great deal of privilege in life and I'm grateful that I was, but I'm afraid I still feel the way I do. The reason I don't act on that desire is largely because of the love of my family in general and of my mother in particular. I stick around largely not to cause them sadness and to anger them by leaving. People have said that I have depression, and although I do feel sad sometimes, I don't really think I'm depressed. Maybe I'm just plain crazy, or just sleepy. Despite that, I feel that I'm in fairly good control of my emotions. I don't ever get angry with the people who love me. Perhaps that's because my family is largely traditional, or a little uptight, or maybe we're all just scared of being alone.

Goodness, now that I'm proofreading this I kind of sound like a sourpuss, don't I? I promise you I'm not. I make an effort to be fun and interesting most of the time when I'm interacting with others. If you feel like giving me a shot, why not PM me and tell me a little bit about yourself? How about your favorite hobby? Is it something widely practiced or niche? At any rate, all the best to you.

Potentially yours,
Gwynne