How do I be better?

Depression/anxiety may have touched your family, your friends, yourself; what helps you to deal with it? Sharing is caring!

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BrokenPen
Posts: 149
Joined: Mon Mar 30, 2009 12:18 am

How do I be better?

Postby BrokenPen » Thu Feb 13, 2020 1:23 pm

If I might ask everyone, you've all given such great advice for the issue I have with my girlfriend before but now I want to ask another question:

How do I be better with her?

This morning, we got into this discussion and I realized that I haven't been the best as far as being a significant other with her illness. So now I'm trying to figure out how to be better.

Essentially, my girlfriend has these bouts of depression where she thinks that she's destined to be alone and that one can't fight fate. I realize that when dealing with someone who is in the throes of depression that the best thing to do is to be a listener. However, when I was doing that this morning she told me that "I feel like I'm venting to a brick wall. Every time this happens you just sit there and do nothing and don't say anything." What's more, there does seem to be a contradictory nature to how she's feeling. She feels like she can't be saved and yet she wants to be saved. Granted she understands what she's feeling when it comes to this; "I want to be saved, but wanting it and having it happen are two different things."

So, everyone, how does one be better here?

User avatar
EmptyRoom
Posts: 3
Joined: Sat Feb 22, 2020 9:32 am

Re: How do I be better?

Postby EmptyRoom » Sat Feb 22, 2020 10:27 am

Destined to be alone. // as in single?

Everyone is infact alone, no one is having the same exact journey on this universe.
Everyone is basically their own world. We all have different perceptions of everything we experience, thus, the outcome of the same event experienced together as a pair is different in each individuals mind. You may remember something one way, and the other has there own unique perception on it. Usually that leads to "no, that's not what happened" reply from the person receiving your output.

But, to better your relationship
You are doing right in listening to her vent,
You are doing great in being aware of her wants and trying to achieve advice.

Alot of the answers you seek are found within your self, my advice may not be the best but i can try to advise you on:
While your tuning in to her speak, continue to listen but use more frequent body language if your not doing so body language that shows your paying attention, and noding and such in agreement or disagreement. She may be seeking, clarity that you are in fact listening and wants a response. The thing is too not agree to everything she saids and to tell and explain to her why you believe something she said is wrong, speak from your heart aswell it will make it more authentic and real for her show her that you are not afraid to speak your mind and give advice aswell she will respect you also for that and feel cared for.

-Sending you much success and happiness on your journey.

fummymeasle
Posts: 4
Joined: Tue Mar 24, 2020 5:19 am

Re: How do I be better?

Postby fummymeasle » Tue Mar 24, 2020 5:56 am

How do I be better?

Probably deeper understanding and knowledge of the situation. Longer patience and empathy. And asking for the appropriate counseling.


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