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Introductions and welcomes.

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Val87
Posts: 2
Joined: Fri Nov 08, 2019 5:48 am

Hello everyone!

Postby Val87 » Fri Nov 08, 2019 5:56 am

Hello there!

This is Val. I'm trying to find a way out of what it seems to be some kind of transparent wall labyrinth.

I'm 32. I tried to get some help with a professional, but I have to move into another country and start my life again. In few words, I used to be a good kick-boxer, but an accident killed my newborn path. Surgery. A year with just one arm. But I got pretty much out of it on my own. Then I met a girl: we had plans, marriage, and after 7 year she just came up saying "I'm not interested anymore in you". And now she's gone.

Moved from Ireland to England.

I should be proud of myself: in less then a week I got a good job and I'm looking for a room in a nice area, yet...I feel empty. I feel that I'm living on a stage. Really, I feel like trapped into an invisible labyrinth. Sometimes I happen to feel sad and cry for no reason at all.

Well, that' pretty much it for an introduction, I guess.

Spleefy
Posts: 233
Joined: Sat Sep 09, 2017 6:54 am

Re: Hello everyone!

Postby Spleefy » Sat Nov 09, 2019 3:10 am

Hi Val87,

Welcome to the forums.

I was at a town with my puppy having a latte. He got first place ribbon at obedience training, so I took us there straight after training for a celebration. We went for a stroll up the road that leads to the town Church. It’s a lovely quiet spot lined with big trees on both sides of the gravel path. Then you reach these garden areas. I remember seeing a labyrinth there, with a sign inviting you to do a meditative walk. The labyrinth had a little bird bath in the middle.

This reminds me of my experience with depression… although, it was a far cry from a small, meditative labyrinth adorned with a delightful bird bath in the centre.

My depression experience felt more like a massive, complex maze because of the seemingly insurmountable branching pathways and dead ends.

It’s like I knew, in the back of my mind, that I could eventually get out if I just kept going. I would keep hitting dead ends. Each time this happened, a part of me kept losing hope.

But I kept walking and walking, reasoning that it was only a matter of time. If I keep walking and hit every single dead end then the only thing left is an exit out of the maze. I even kept mental markers of where I explored.

The only problem was, many of the paths looked the same…

I was disorientated.

I couldn’t remember which path I walked and which one I didn’t.

It felt like I was walking the same branch that led to the same dead end, over and over.

Although I didn’t realize it at the time, the way out was to figure out what put me in the maze in the first place. Once I did this, the maze significantly shrunk, making it less overwhelming to navigate.

I had been in this maze for so long that I was in the middle of who knows where. But I worked my way back to where I came in. Whereas this wasn’t possible before, it was achievable now because I had a clearer picture of what caused me to go into the maze. So I kept working my way back until I finally reached the opening.

Once out of the maze, however, my journey didn’t end there. I was finally liberated from obscurity and darkness, but I still have many, many hurdles to jump over.

I essentially have to teach myself how to live. I wasn’t brought up with structure, nurture, or a strong value system. I was also damaged goods by the time I became an adult.

Then, to top it off, I had been living in this maze of depression for over ten years, learning bad behavioral patterns and ingrained self-destructive thought processes.

I basically had to restart my life from the ground up and build the foundation that I should have had as a child. So where my parents failed miserably I had to correct, and I’m still building that solid foundation. Life is a journey and we are always going to be a work in progress.

I thought I would share that, as you are not alone. We are all struggling to various degrees, and I’m sure the majority of people here feel trapped with seemingly no way out.

And it sounds like you have been through quite a few very painful experiences. I could not imagine the impact the accident had on you. Then to lose a committed relationship after seven years is another significant loss in your life.

I don’t think you are crying for “no reason at all”. You have a very good reason to feel sad and to cry.

You seem to have a lot of strength and resilience. Perhaps it will help to remember that you have been through some major painful experiences and you managed to pull through it. So you will pull through this one!

Thank you introducing yourself and sharing a part of your story. If you are ever up for it, I’m sure many people here would love to learn how you coped and managed during and after the accident. I know I would.
Jehovah is close to the brokenhearted; he saves those who are crushed in spirit.—Psalm 34:18

Val87
Posts: 2
Joined: Fri Nov 08, 2019 5:48 am

Re: Hello everyone!

Postby Val87 » Thu Nov 14, 2019 4:26 am

Spleefy wrote:Hi Val87,

Welcome to the forums.

I was at a town with my puppy having a latte. He got first place ribbon at obedience training, so I took us there straight after training for a celebration. We went for a stroll up the road that leads to the town Church. It’s a lovely quiet spot lined with big trees on both sides of the gravel path. Then you reach these garden areas. I remember seeing a labyrinth there, with a sign inviting you to do a meditative walk. The labyrinth had a little bird bath in the middle.


Thanks man. I really appreciate your help. I guess I have to know why I ended up in the maze, I guess. That won't be easy as you say, but at least I know what I have to do.
Really, thank you.

Val

HelpIsHere
Posts: 1
Joined: Mon Nov 18, 2019 11:11 pm

Re: Hello everyone!

Postby HelpIsHere » Mon Nov 18, 2019 11:42 pm

Hello Val! It's great to see you are reaching out. It shows that you are prepared to take back your life and improve for the better. This is the first, and most important step towards a better future.

Life is about unpredictability. We cannot predict when things will happen. We could turn the corner and run into one of the greatest moments of our life, or stumble through a rough path of challenge. Life is volatile, and we never know what could happen next.

What yo uare experiencing is a much larger issue confined not only towards people undergoing hardships. This feeling of emptiness is seen throughout the world in abundance. Many see celebrities and famous figures and connect their success to wealth, prestige, fame, or any other physical and tangible attribute.

So many go through their life chasing these dreams in hope they will experience true joy. But what few realize is that these unrealistic and ludacris societal expectations move at a faster rate than what we can run. And so, we end up exerting all of our precious time here on earth in a futile attempt to obtain something that A) rarely can be obtained and B) if obtained, will not satisfy our need for happiness.

The great thing about happiness is that, unlike the deceiving joy these physical thing bring about, true happiness doesn't play tricks. It doesn't mess around with us or try and lure u into a trap that leaves us with our eyes glued to something we know we can't have. And the definition of happiness isn't written in stone. It is simply what satisfies you. Maybe it is having a family, getting your dream job, or any thing else. The bottom line is, you must discover what your happiness is.

Now back to you, Val. Obviously, if you are feeling empty, you haven't found happiness. When we indulge in that faux joy I talked about earlier, we are left feeling like a skeleton without flesh, a vein without blood, or a mind without thoughts. We feel depressed and a sense of dissatisfaction that seems to eat away at us from the inside out. Sure, we do exist, but we aren't truly alive because we aren't filled with happiness, which is the lifeblood of humans.

I'd love to tell you that there is that one thing that yo ucan do that will cure your depression and make you feel unbelievably joyful, but realistically, I cannot. I do not know you or what you need to make yourself happy. But I can tell you ways to do this.

1) Are you a more emotional or romantic person? If so, consider exploring hobbies like writing, singing (if you have a talent for that), or playing an instrument, like the violin. Also, if you are the romantic type in need for love and affection, find a girl that truly cares about you, or even a new best friend that cares for you above all others. Go on dating sites or sites where you can meet friends.
2) Are you a creative person? Once again, writing, but also others things like building a website, painting, or even just listening to music can help.
3) Are you a physical person? Try excersize like cycling, running, going for walk, walking a dog if you have one (you could get one if you feel you need someone to keep you company), weight lifting, or even meditating can help you find your purpose but also find true joy.

The end goal is finding true happiness, and knowing what things to keep your eye on and what things you should ignore. It's a journey, and it doesn't always come easily to everyone. Give yourself some time, and most importantly, take care of yourself. Get rest, eat, drink plenty of water, and try not to stress too much. You deserve to give yourself a break. You've been through a lot. Remember that those who suffer always come out stronger than the rest. You are experiencing a different side of the life spectrum, and this will make you wiser and a more caring person. You'll know that before you can find success and glory at the top, you need to first descend to the bottom and find your way up.

Anyway I hope this all makes sense (I have a tendency to ramble, in case you couldn't tell :D ). I wish you all the best, and I'll be praying for you.

HelpIsHere


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