my civil partner depressed.

[forester43]

Hi, I would like some advise please. My ex civil partner is like a complete stranger. She does not love me, her children , her mum or other family. She lost a friend through suicide 2 years ago, and that changed her. She ended our partnership last April, left for six weeks, then came back, until moving just up the road from me. I was devastated. Anyway, now she lives in her own and has been diagnosed with bpd and depression. She is still waiting for therapy. I have took a step back. I still do her washing, and we go out to places, even though she does not enjoy anything. She feels empty, no emotions, though she does cry watching tearful stuff on tv, but not with me or her family. Is this part of the depression, the numbness? Thank you. Andrea

[Lostgirl]

For me, my partner does not understand my depression because my life is blessed and he believes it is being ungrateful to be unable to recognize that over the negative aspects in life. He isnt wrong, but with someone who has depression, that kind of outlook is slightly insensitive. The best thing you can do for her is try to empathisize and let her know she is not alone. Be understanding and patient. No one likes being with a miserable person, but no one should have to hide their true emotions either. Life is heavy. Let her be open with you about what she feels and just listen and hold her. Be with her. Carry her when she isnt strong enough to do it. That is all you can do. Just listen and love her. Knowing that you are not alone in your struggle is the greatest gift you can give someone with depression.

[Dprsd217]

It’s not that she doesn’t love you, her children, or her mom. I’m sure she loves you all very much. Depression is a disease which can take over your mind, body, and soul. Please understand that her lack of caring and emotions is actually a cry for help. She just needs you to be there for her and not stress her out about her behavior. She cannot help it, and I assure you she is not doing it on purpose. She loves you all, she is just hurting so much that sometimes that is all she can focus on. And sometimes, she just can’t focus on anything. I wish my loved ones could read and understand this. I wish you guys the best.

[Nikilia]

Firstly, you sound amazing and are being as supportive as you can be. The numbness can be a symptom of depression but without knowing your partner, it's hard to be sure. Understanding depression is a tricky business and there's no shame in not being able to relate. It sounds like you're doing everything you can. I'd suggest you continue being supportive and if you can/want to, let them know that you're always there if they do want to open up.