I'm here because I don't know what else to do

[jeaninco]

I need help. I know I need help, but I don't know where to go, what to do, who to talk to. Just now, I looked up crisis hotlines in my city, but when I called it, there was a recorded message from the manager asking if you are calling to talk to her to leave your name and number, but if you are in crisis, to call this other number. REALLY??????????? It was hard enough to look something up and hope it's the right thing. So....I called the number, but the person who answered talked so fast I don't know what he said except "can I help you". I said "no" and hung up bawling. I've been off work for the past week because my boyfriend is in the hospital. He's due to come home tomorrow, and I have to go back to work on Monday, but I just feel SO ANGRY at everyone. I have no friends or anyone I'm comfortable opening up with. I've promised my boyfriend I would not attempt suicide, but that is the only thing holding me back. I do have a plan to do it if it comes down to that. I hope by coming here, I can get on the right path to getting help. I'm sure you all know how hard it is to reach out. I hope someone reaches back.

[100footpole]

Think about your boyfriend coming out of the hospital, and you're not there for him. It would be like being punched in the stomach. He would be really hurt, but I'm not sure how he would feel in the long run. It would be so hard to remember you fondly.

I'm glad that you logged on here. I know how you feel, but suicide is never the answer. Our presence on earth is so much more valuable than our memory. Alive we are witnesses and hopefully we can become testifiers. Dead we are just sad memories ... and suicide actually stigmatizes the people we leave behind. Some people will blame your boyfriend for your actions, even though he is in the hospital and he made you promise.

So tell us more about what is going on, but be aware that a lot of our ideas will be places you can go to get help. I recognize your pain, and I've had plans before. A promise that I've made myself is that if I recover from one plan, than that method is off the table. Now any ideas I have make me cringe with fear ... just like I'm supposed to I guess.

Tell us what is going on. You can make it, and from your writing I can tell that the world needs more sensitive people like you.

[JonsDragonEyes]

Hi there jeaninco. It's nice to meet you. I'm glad you found this forum. I know how you feel about having no where to turn.

I can personally tell that this is a wonderful place to vent out your problems. No one here will judge you and people really listen so whatever you need to talk about please get it off your chest.

I agree 100% with what 100footpole said. Your boyfriend would be heartbroken if you would do anything to hurt yourself.

If you need to reach out we are right here to listen so please tell us what's wrong.

lots of love and hugs to you