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[JonsDragonEyes]

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[marley1304]

Hi Tonya. Your post really affected me because it perfectly described how I feel some days. Most of the time I feel like I'm crazy for being upset for no reason and like no one would understand if I even tried to say outloud how I feel but reading this gave me comfort in knowing that I'm not the only one who feels the way I do sometimes. I wish there was something I could say that would help you or fix what you're going through but all I can say is when you feel there is no one out there who cares or feels the way you do please know you're wrong because I do. I understand how it feels to want to be happy so bad but not being able to be and I understand what it's like to shut people out because you're too scared of getting hurt. I get what it's like to lay in bed at night and wonder what you're even doing here, feeling like you're never going to feel alive the way you used to. I get all of that and I know it's hard, but you have to go to bed each night with hope that tomorrow might be better, please promise me no matter how hard the day you won't stop doing that. I may be a complete stranger but I care.

[JonsDragonEyes]

Thank you Marley. I do promise that.

There is a quote by the actor Robin Williams that goes like this ....

" I used to think the worst thing in life was to end up all alone, it's not. The worst thing in life is to end up with people that make you feel all alone."

I sure can understand and take that quote of his to heart. It's crazy that in the world of a million people a person can feel so alone. But at least I know there is people out there like you. And that DOES help me feel less alone.

When it comes to helping people it seems like I have a hundred things to say to help them , but when it comes to helping myself I freeze up. How stupid is that ???

Thank you so much for caring and responding.

As for how you are feeling. I bet with all my heart that someday your gonna lay in bed at night and instead of wondering what your doing here your going to be smiling instead. Your going to be smiling because you found your perfect place in the world and everything you are worried about now will be left in the past. Just keep holding on.

[Zarathustra]

Thank you Tonya for your beautiful post.

I too find great solace in solitude but mostly animals... Earlier tonight I posted about losing my 19 year old cat Webber in November and the struggle I am having watching my 14 year old black kitty Tasha's body become almost unrecognizable with tumors from skin cancer. The vet says she has no clue she has cancer as there is no pain associated with the tumors. He said that one day (4-8 weeks) she will just stop eating and drinking...meanwhile everyday I hold her in my arms and stare into her pretty yellow eyes that are surrounded by tumors and see that unconditional love that I don't feel anywhere else.

I don't know what I will do when she is gone or how I will cope once she goes.... my two have been my coping mechanisms for so long I feel lost..

I wish people were more like animals and weren't so hurtful and cruel. I don't understand how or why people are the way they are. I don't think people stop to think about others anymore, our society has become so egocentric and numbed out to emotions that they don't seem to care.

I just want to tell you that I am sorry for the hurt you feel from your ex and Vickie I understand that pain and do not wish it on others, it hurts to the core.. Meanwhile, let me know if you find that magical sword to rid yourself of depression I am sure you would have a line wrapped around the world vying for a piece of happiness

[no_answer]

I think we are labeled as abnormal by the society to keep them from functioning as the system. Depression is something we are made to believe in. But, in reality, there is a clear realization of finality and futility of existence. The loneliness we perceive is the true loneliness of a mortal organism destined to its own unique trajectory between birth and death. There is nothing permanent, no return on any investment. Even the future generations are not an assurance of that return. The system is only concerned about the short-term benefit, while no one can project the future.

We know it, we can see it, some of us end their lives because of that. The system blames it back on us, they build metal bars on the bridges to make sure no undesirable act is taking place in their vicinity, so that it can go on with the illusion of progress and feeling good about itself.

There is nothing to fight, other than the deep and clear sense of reality. There is no Depression to fight. There is only the social need to drink up the elixir of illusion in the circle of other drunken friends, family or specialists called mental health professionals. There are, of course, psychoactive meds that you can literally drink up very legally even.

[JonsDragonEyes]

Hi there Zarathustra and no_answer. Thank you both for responding. I'm really happy to meet both of you .. and I'm so sorry about Tasha and Webber. My heart goes out to you Zarathustra losing one is hard but two is unbearable. It's like losing a beast friend. I think the only comfort you can find when that happens is knowing you loved them with all your heart and gave them the very best thing in life you could give them and that's love. That's something animals and humans both always need.