My ex partner is taking my boy away from me

[Karlalanchambers]

 
Never used a forum before so bare with me.

I split with my ex partner and she has stopped all contact with my son ,I'm finding myself waking up at 3 or 4 in the morning and not going to bed before midnight and the sleep isn't in a block it's broken. I have been to my doctors on several occasions in a few weeks he said I'm not suffering from depression but how can that be?

My work is slowly becoming a chore not something I love anymore, everyday I stare out of the window watching the world go on like it's going on without me and I don't exist. I am constantly thinking ' what if I go away or dissapear' would it still go on?. I have thought suicidal thoughts many times even attempted on one occasion only to make my thoughts worse as it makes me feel like I can't even get that right.

I don't keep in contact with my family as I'm the black sheep in there eyes as well as the worlds. I'm in considerable debt with solicitors trying to get contact with him . I'm not eating 4 months ago I was 16st 4oz I'm now 12st 1oz I have tried talking with the few friends I have but I feel I am destroying my relationship with them because they have there own problems and they don't want to hear my whining.

So I'm turning to you guys in hope that fresh ears can help me through or even just listen. I must admit I have no idea how much more I can take of this existence because I'm not living anymore im existing.

Thank you