Am I in early stages of depression? :/

[MrDaly]

I've been having funny feelings the last few months. I have trouble sleeping quite a few times, I get really angry over things that happened in my past when I'm alone and I have been having weird thoughts about my future as well. I always feel that there is nothing worth living for in the future. I've thought about suicide but never been driven towards it. Though the temptation is getting worse. When I'm with people I don't think as much, but when I'm alone I think a lot. And I spend a lot of time alone cause I don't feel like people like having me around. In college, my classmates let me hang round with them, but they have completely different interests to me, and I feel like a fly on the wall to them. Not sure if this is just my ASD or not, cause it affects my social skills. But it doesn't explain why I have more and more thoughts of suicide over time, because whenever I think about my future, I think there is less to live for.

There is a friend I've talked to about my doubts about the future, but not the suicidal thoughts. I'm too scared to go to anyone, cause it just sounds like I'm pessimistic, or just a fear of growing up. But It feels like worse. I can't remember the last time I had positive thoughts.

I just don't know what is happening really. These thoughts are getting worse, and I don't weather or not I'm starting depression or not. I'm scared to go to my parents or anyone else. Does anyone else have these feelings? Please?

[Ieris]

Hi Mr Daly,

I think it's normal to worry about your future, everybody does. You must realise that in order to change your future depends on what you do now in the present. So I would suggest thinking about what you can do now and not worrying so much about what is going to happen later. If you have nothing to live for then find something to live for, because things do not drop from the sky and land on our laps. The thing is that it doesn't have to be complicated and you don't have to make a solid decision right now.

What do you think about when you are alone? If it is negative then try to put that aside and give yourself something fresh to think about. Like goals and dreams - fill your future with thoughts of what you want it to be. You can have big dreams, you can have small dreams, just pick the life you want for yourself not what anybody else thinks or wants. One important thing is never tell yourself that you can't, that's just giving yourself an excuse for not achieving your goals. People either get up and walk to their destination or they sit there and rot. If they rot and wonder why their dreams never came true, they only have themselves to blame.

I know from a young age we are usually given options like A B or C, in a restaurant you can pick chicken, beef, duck. pork etc. well in life I feel that we are spoilt with options which can be overwhelming but you need to narrow them down. If you don't know what you want then you have plenty of exploring to do, there's no point me offering an apple or a pear when you don't want either of them, you have to go out there and taste different things for yourself in order to make a choice.

Don't see your life as a dead end, see it as an opportunity to do and achieve whatever you want. Don't waste that chance! x

[SMichelleA]

Ieris - awesome reply.

I'd love to just say "what the last guy said."

I guess I'll add that I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up! (I'm 25). But I'm also realizing that is less and less important, anyway. Find people you can truly connect with. I think having deep relationships, whether they be with friends, family or the opposite gender in a romantic sense is probably one of the most satisfying feelings that life has to offer. If you don't connect with your current friends, find new ones. It's a big world out there, and it takes all kinds to keep it spinning! There's someone for everyone So go get 'em, Tiger.