From Grief to Depression

[GloriousPlague]

Well I guess I should start sometime before everything in my life really changed... So around the age of 12-13 my older brother (six years older) left for the military straight out of high school. As heartbroken as I was I enjoyed the extra time I got to spend with my parents especially my mother because I was growing up and she just knew how to make everyone's day fulfilling and just entertaining. My father worked most of the time when I was young so a lot of times I didn't get to see him much. Although now he is the only thing that I have to help deal with my frustrations. Anyways getting on with it my brother left and I started to get close with my mom... OK. I started going to church and meet a girl and began a relationship with her. Now at 13 it wasn't anything real serious but, I did have strong feeling for her as I know she did for me. By the age of almost 15 my mother died of an, whats on the death record, accidental overdose. I find out that there is an ambulance at our house on the way back from my aunts. As instantaneously as I hear the news I'm pretty I already know what has happened simply because I knew my mother. She grew up having been raped, ran out at 16, and diagnosed with bipolar disorder and put on medication before she meet my father which was when she was about 18 two months she had my older brother (I think). So we show up and sure enough my dad is freaking out and his sisters and my girlfriend and here family is there. Me my younger brother and younger sister just showing up are immediately sent to the furthest room from the front door of my grandmothers next door. Just so happened out of my curiosity I looked and seen her outside in the back of the ambulance. My aunt walked in and caught me and forced us into another room. everything after that is a little fuzzy but I think that was when everything started sinking in nice and heavy. Arrangements were made for her funeral and was over as if I never even attended. So quick. My father of coarse took it horribly as we all did. BUT! He was put on strong depression medication and was never really coherent after that. OH, and did I mention he was, still is, an alcoholic. So everything added up equaled no sort of treatment for his children. Now my older brother was forced to deal with it because as you know he was in the military but me and my younger siblings are forced to try and make it through on our own with no real guidance. I mean dad tried... he really did. As a matter of fact he is still trying. Well soon after I turned 15 I broke up with my girlfriend of now a year over something that was definitely just me in my "anger stage" of my grief. By then I was in F*** it mode. Started drinking and doing drugs nothing really hard but enough to guide me astray. Started going into school and putting my head down on the desk and the rest of the time I spent in the guidance counselors office. At 16 I dropped out and started losing friends in bulks. By 18 I had none and major depression was starting to set in. Coming along my next birthday my father inspired me to get my GED. Took my a few months not because it was hard, because it wasn't, but I had begun procrastinating in everything. Waking up hurt! Now in between the time that I dropped out and I got my GED I tried several different programs and Big Brother type deals. Nothing shook any sense into me. Well I feel like I've rambled enough to sum it up currently I'm going on 22 and I'm still dealing with major depression. Now my brother has been out of the military for almost a year and a half so a little restored bond-ship there but, turns out now hes an alcoholic. I'm not sure if I'll ever get over my disability because along with it there has been many side effects added on top of that. I'll never give up... but I'm pretty sure that I can be a good example of pure, true and really medically depressed.

This is just my short version because trust me I could go back and write down every event that has resulted in the man, if that's what you want to call me, that I am today. Also I don't really feel like reading back over this just going to listen to some music and go to bed so expect some grammar errors.