Deedle dee do?

[Frame]

This, I think, is the crux. How do I remain? How do I remain willing, ready, able to carry on with my task? The signs are all over that trouble is brewing, but I've slipped into denial. The system isn't working. I'm not working the system.

Does anyone have a sense of what I'm talking about? Does anyone have this problem? I set up a system. I try with all my heart and mind to build a process for expressing my beliefs; for doing, for living. I believe in the wisdom but I loose faith in the process, the system. I fail. I fail to continue. The whole architecture of my life starts to look like cardboard held together with twine, and it's all out in the rain.

Why bother. If over and over again the idea makes sense but I just don't have the emotional strength to get up each day, put 16 hours into it, and watch it work. I just can't bare it. Too many days out of the year, out of my life I have six hours of doubt, six hours of world the mocking me, and four hours maybe some tentative concentration.

I know, I know, I know; it's just not in the cards for everyone. We make own own luck, but not everybody is lucky enough to get the same luck making tools.

But I'd like to know. Does anyone struggle to there life together only to not want to inhabit that life after all? Does anyone have a way to deal with this?

[4EverMe]

Hi Frame,
First off, I'm really sorry you're going through a rough ride.

My way of handling it is, basically, one day at a time...sometimes each moment. This is for my sanity' sake. You must also treat yourself to some R&R, which essential, and what you've been doing, Frame.

[fallen]

i heard of someone who was sick of the rat race and like you he was into photography and cycling, so he tentatively started a business combining the two offering it to corporate business types and then eventually tourists . they stop of at a good cafe half way through the scenic cycle trip where they have a discounted deal with the cafe owner. a nice day out.
he is now enjoying what he is doing. i thought you might be interested. he also sells his own works .
sorry you are hurting.
take care

[Frame]

That thing about Magnesium oil I thought was interesting. Not just for depression but I have had foot cramps for a few years now.

System, system, system; gotta get back a system.

Thanks for replying 4everme and fallen.

[Frame]

Thanks again 4everme.
I think that may be the only way to get back in the swing, by staying out of it for a little bit. It's scarey though, so thank you for your encouragement.

[4EverMe]

No problem Frame,
I'm just glad that something I'd said was helpful to you.

[Frame]

Just because you're nuts doesn't mean the world's not crazy.
Just because you're fallible doesn't mean they aren't trying to screw you.
Just because you don't like yourself doesn't you don't deserve to be loved.