feeling lonely and really down

[susies90]

Hi

im just new to this forum, I came on because im feeling very down atm and just needed someone to talk to.

The people I have in my life would be my mum my sister and my boyfriend. But when im with them I try to put on a brave face because I dont want to hurt or upset them. I love them all to bits and I no they care to but im always scared of people thinking im being selfish etc...once I told this by someone I thought was a friend when I tried to open up and it has haunted me ever since.

the past while life has seemed like a chore from getting up in the morning to doing the dishes. I just want to lie in bed all day and just cant stop crying. ...sometimes I dont even no why im crying.

I always think the worst in life and the slighest thing sets me off. Im terrible for putting things in the past and things that happenedmabybe 5 6 years ago even things that arent really that major, still upsets me sometimes.

ive been having horrible thoughts in my head when I do break down in tears, and finding it really difficult to see a future

[Alaska1958]

Hi there,

I'm from Fairbanks Alaska. I too have a mom, a brother and a sister in law who is one of my best friends. Her name is Kathy and it's funny that she would be such a good friend. She's very different from my brother, she's from new York City and has a strong and outgoing personality. For the 40 years she's been with my brother, she's always reached out to me. They travel a good bit and whenever they get back to town she calls me, asks me out to lunch, she always let's me know she cares. My brother and I are not close, first we're 15 years apart in age and we are both pretty introverted. If it was just up to me and him, we'd see each other every couple of years. Probably at the supermarket.

Sorry, getting a little carried away there. I'm having a pretty poor day too. I know what you mean about worrying about what people will think and say if you tell them what's going onin your head.

I'm 55 now and I've really had a pretty good life. These last few years are tough, but it shouldn't bring me as low as I'm feeling. 40 years of depression has put a crimp in my ability to cope with things.

I sure hope you can be on the upswing soon. I'm sorry I don't really have any great advice.
But I can lend a sympathetic ear. Hope that helps some.

Good luck my friend.

[Dels79]

Hi Susie,

I know what you mean about putting on a brave face. I've done that for most of my life and it eventually grinds you down. You can't be strong all the time, you need a release and it's okay to let the tears come out when they need to. Your family and boyfriend love you no matter what.

I sometimes still think I'm being selfish when I have really bad days. Like nothing can lift my mood and I maybe lay in bed most of the day and wallow. I'm 33 but share a house with my dad. He worries a lot but I talk to him sometimes about things so it helps us both in that respect. Maybe if you felt able, you could open up to your mum or sister and just talk it out a bit. It might help bit by bit.

Don't give up on yourself. I know from experience that some days seem desperately hard to get through and you feel hopeless. But draw strength from those closest to you and you'll get through. I've been having an awful time lately too but my family get me though. I hope you'll be okay.

[SilentSandal]

Hey Susie,

I can totally relate to the Brave Face that youve mentioned.
Thats a totally creative way of putting it by the way. I just call it "acting"
(even though I'm a musician)
But, I would open up to people you can trust, like mum and sister, maybe boyfriend. You need a shoulder to cry on, and I can relate well to that also.
I think its bad to hold all your emotions in.

In fact Ive been pretty low this week and cried this morning, talking on the phone to my mom. I'm a 22 year old man, I look pretty tough, but when I'm upset there's major waterworks, and it lasts as long as I need it to, if I have to go in public or something, I'll wash my face and try to smile a little.

As far as seeing a future, I often get really worked up over this.
Recently, my mom has had good advice for me.
Its this: Just go through life day by day, hour by hour, even minute by minute.

Mostly I worry about my grades, not being able to make friends, or my music career's future. But, at the end of the semester, my grades turn out okay, Ive made at least one friend, and I'm hopeful about my career. So I force myself to just focus on the present moment, because that's all I can affect anyway.

By the way, I'm new here too, I just joined yesterday.
I hope this helps. If you want, let me know how things turn out.