Hi folks, I'm 29 years old, been depressed since I was around 14 years old. The depression sometimes lifts and I'm able to make good things happen in my life and make sure that family and friends are helped out in anyway I can help, but the depression is always there hiding in the background. I am completely self destructive and go off the rails partying sometimes. (just to hide the ache of life) and I hate it.
I suffer from pure OCD and just recently recovered from Derealization and depersonalisation disorder, which was a living hell.
Decided to join this forum to meet and possibly help like-minded people, feel free to chat.
Peace out.
Hi
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Hi Alastair;
I have also been depressed for a long long time. I was wondering, if it isn't too uncomfortable to talk about, could describe Derealization and depersonalisation disorder, what it was like for you, and the process for recovering. I don't remember hearing of it before; but the idea of being depersonalized by the world right now makes great sense and I have been discussing reality lately in relation to expectations.
So I think your story could be very valuable to tell. That is, only if you feel like it. Please feel free to chat about anything you like.
I have also been depressed for a long long time. I was wondering, if it isn't too uncomfortable to talk about, could describe Derealization and depersonalisation disorder, what it was like for you, and the process for recovering. I don't remember hearing of it before; but the idea of being depersonalized by the world right now makes great sense and I have been discussing reality lately in relation to expectations.
So I think your story could be very valuable to tell. That is, only if you feel like it. Please feel free to chat about anything you like.
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TurtleRock
- Posts: 28
- Joined: Thu Sep 05, 2013 3:04 am
- Location: Canada
Hello and welcome,
Have you had a chance to have a psychological assessment done ? I only ask because in my own experience some "negative" traits I experienced were symptoms of something else entirely.
It's hard to tell from the little bit of your life story but on the surface I feel your someone who I could relate to.
Cheers
Have you had a chance to have a psychological assessment done ? I only ask because in my own experience some "negative" traits I experienced were symptoms of something else entirely.
It's hard to tell from the little bit of your life story but on the surface I feel your someone who I could relate to.
Cheers
Hi Frame, thanks, I'll do my best and narrow it down. (Really glad you mentioned the 'reality' thing to, because I was questioning that a while back too.)
I had a bad year in 2011, got prescribed anti-depressants - but didn't like the side effects. I decided to stop taking them and face the depression head on. Everything was fine whilst I was studying at College as a mature student, I had good friends and was really occupied by course-work (felt like I had direction in life and I was going places). In late 2011, my Grandfather died - and the only way I could find to hide my feelings from my family - was to start smoking marijuana. College came to an end in summer 2012 and I was smoking everyday, although I got really good grades and was given the opportunity to go to University. I decided to hold off going to Uni and sort my life out at home.
I managed to quit smoking Weed by September 2012 and was adamant in getting a full-time job, moving out of my parents house and getting a long term girlfriend. That's when I noticed the emptiness in life. My friends lived far away so I had no social life and I became a heavy drinker. I had hardly any contact with any friends nor extended family or even people in the community. I lost my meaning in life and the world that I lived in collapsed.
The best way I can explain derealization and depersonalisation is:I woke up in an unfamiliar world one morning, everything that existed - existed the same,but it was glum, empty had no meaning. I had memories that were attached to certain places and people, but no current grounding. No-one or nowhere to reflect my identity off. People seemed alien to me, there was no emotional attachment to anyone. Just an inner constant loneliness.
I'd cycle for miles out in the countryside, often visiting a local hill overlooking my town and I'd question the meaning of existence whilst looking down on life? Everything seemed so pointless, even watching tv - I'd think to myself - I'm just a human being sat in a room - staring at a screen, where is there any meaning in it?
Whenever sat alone, I would obsessively think to myself "Who is right about existence? atheists or Christians?". It went on for days, and I needed that meaning - that explanation why we are here. (My family are mixed faith - Mum = Christian, Dad & Sister = Wiccans, Me = open minded to both science and religion).
After researching the internet for answers - I had a eureka moment come to me, 'perhaps the meaning to existence is simply to exist', because if we didn't exist - there would be no meaning to existence. I'm open to science for a physical explanation of how our world is composed, but perhaps there's something working behind the curtains (as the saying goes). My apologies if this doesn't make sense, but it was a very meaningful explanation for me back then.
This helped me overcome the questioning of reality and existence. There are a lot of people out there who will try to mess with your head regarding finding your meaning of reality, don't let them mess with you.
The derealisation faded after going back to a doctor and being prescribed Sertraline (zoloft), in which I was adamant in taking. It helped calm the OCD to a point where cognitive behaviour therapy would help me.
The derealisation was combated by getting involved with close family members and friends - and looking after them and taking interest in their needs. Makes you feel like you have a place on this earth : )
From my research - being obsessed about reality is a form of OCD, I was really surprised to find that out. Be sure to get yourself checked out for it.
All the best, feel free to get in touch.
I had a bad year in 2011, got prescribed anti-depressants - but didn't like the side effects. I decided to stop taking them and face the depression head on. Everything was fine whilst I was studying at College as a mature student, I had good friends and was really occupied by course-work (felt like I had direction in life and I was going places). In late 2011, my Grandfather died - and the only way I could find to hide my feelings from my family - was to start smoking marijuana. College came to an end in summer 2012 and I was smoking everyday, although I got really good grades and was given the opportunity to go to University. I decided to hold off going to Uni and sort my life out at home.
I managed to quit smoking Weed by September 2012 and was adamant in getting a full-time job, moving out of my parents house and getting a long term girlfriend. That's when I noticed the emptiness in life. My friends lived far away so I had no social life and I became a heavy drinker. I had hardly any contact with any friends nor extended family or even people in the community. I lost my meaning in life and the world that I lived in collapsed.
The best way I can explain derealization and depersonalisation is:I woke up in an unfamiliar world one morning, everything that existed - existed the same,but it was glum, empty had no meaning. I had memories that were attached to certain places and people, but no current grounding. No-one or nowhere to reflect my identity off. People seemed alien to me, there was no emotional attachment to anyone. Just an inner constant loneliness.
I'd cycle for miles out in the countryside, often visiting a local hill overlooking my town and I'd question the meaning of existence whilst looking down on life? Everything seemed so pointless, even watching tv - I'd think to myself - I'm just a human being sat in a room - staring at a screen, where is there any meaning in it?
Whenever sat alone, I would obsessively think to myself "Who is right about existence? atheists or Christians?". It went on for days, and I needed that meaning - that explanation why we are here. (My family are mixed faith - Mum = Christian, Dad & Sister = Wiccans, Me = open minded to both science and religion).
After researching the internet for answers - I had a eureka moment come to me, 'perhaps the meaning to existence is simply to exist', because if we didn't exist - there would be no meaning to existence. I'm open to science for a physical explanation of how our world is composed, but perhaps there's something working behind the curtains (as the saying goes). My apologies if this doesn't make sense, but it was a very meaningful explanation for me back then.
This helped me overcome the questioning of reality and existence. There are a lot of people out there who will try to mess with your head regarding finding your meaning of reality, don't let them mess with you.
The derealisation faded after going back to a doctor and being prescribed Sertraline (zoloft), in which I was adamant in taking. It helped calm the OCD to a point where cognitive behaviour therapy would help me.
The derealisation was combated by getting involved with close family members and friends - and looking after them and taking interest in their needs. Makes you feel like you have a place on this earth : )
From my research - being obsessed about reality is a form of OCD, I was really surprised to find that out. Be sure to get yourself checked out for it.
All the best, feel free to get in touch.
Hi, TurtleRock. How are you doing? Hope the negative symptoms that you speak of aren't schizophrenia. No disrespect is meant by that in any way : ) it's just that I'm obsessively frightened about being schizophrenic (which is also a symptom of OCD). I don't see or hear anything that's not there, but the derealisation and depersonalisation was 100% there. Guess I'll get myself checked out. Thanks : )
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TurtleRock
- Posts: 28
- Joined: Thu Sep 05, 2013 3:04 am
- Location: Canada
No not schizophrenia thankfully. I experience minor OCD about weird things such as things have to be in certain places ect. It is believed that this is more of a coping strategy I've adapted subconsciously to give me a sense of control over my enviroment to compensate for my feeling that I am constantly not in control of my head. I can only imagine what severe OCD would be like.
I also started suffering depression at age 14, Though in my case I was diagnosed as being severely ADHD when I was a fair bit younger the exact date is lost to me atm which I suspect contributes to the severity of my mood swings. My depression is often a mix of existential with out any trigger to Mild-Sever Clinical depression to just constant underlying depression that just sucks the life out of things.
I also go through periods of Depersonalization since my 20's and on it seems to be connected to my anxiety problems. I also on rare occasions experience a complete emotional disconnect from anything. I can recognize how I would "normally" feel but there is no reaction. I just feel really really calm, The downside to this is I also don't feel any desire to do anything I don't know how to describe it, I've heard there is a name for it and I looked it up once but I forget what it was.
More information then you wanted but yeah.
Cheers!
I also started suffering depression at age 14, Though in my case I was diagnosed as being severely ADHD when I was a fair bit younger the exact date is lost to me atm which I suspect contributes to the severity of my mood swings. My depression is often a mix of existential with out any trigger to Mild-Sever Clinical depression to just constant underlying depression that just sucks the life out of things.
I also go through periods of Depersonalization since my 20's and on it seems to be connected to my anxiety problems. I also on rare occasions experience a complete emotional disconnect from anything. I can recognize how I would "normally" feel but there is no reaction. I just feel really really calm, The downside to this is I also don't feel any desire to do anything I don't know how to describe it, I've heard there is a name for it and I looked it up once but I forget what it was.
More information then you wanted but yeah.
Cheers!
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