Hurt and Alone

[FlyAway13]

Hey everyone. I just feel like I have nowhere else to turn to. I'm a female college student, starting my senior year. I just have this flood of emotion that I need to let out, so bare with me here.

I feel alone all the time. I try to do class work to keep myself busy, and exercise, but I feel so drained and like I just want to lay in bed all day and do nothing. I do very well in my classes, but accomplishments like that don't feel this void that I feel all the time. I have tried numerous times to talk to my friends and my boyfriend about how I feel, and well I feel like they try to understand where I'm coming from, I leave the conversation feeling more alone than ever. All of them have suggested that I talk to a professional, and that I need professional help, and upon hearing that, I felt even more alone. Almost like I am a burden to them, and my fears and problems do not matter for them to help me fix it. Sometimes, like right now, I just cry, and while it makes me feel better, I don't know exactly why or what I'm crying about, and nothing gets resolved.

I just feel so alone.

[TurtleRock]

It's a common thread in the lives of anyone who's experienced the specter of depression hovering over them, No matter how well you articulate what you feel inside the majority of people just can't relate if they've never felt it themselves.

From my humble perspective if your friends are suggesting you talk to a professional and/or seek professional help it is possible they may feel in themselves that they may lack the understanding to help you in any meaningful way and pressing you to seek professional help is they're way trying to guide you in a direction they think would help you before things get worse.

Being unable to relate to those closest to you can intensify the feeling of unwanted isolation, The feeling of being alone even when your surrounded by people you care about.

The majority of users on this site I suspect frequent the "chat" room, More then they do the "Forums" it may be of some benefit to introduce yourself there and see if you don't find someone who you can relate to what your experiencing.

If nothing else I'm willing to lend a sympathetic ear, I'm more familiar then I'd like to be with the feeling being unable to connect, to truly feel that people understand the war that rages in my head. It's the desire to find kinship that brought me here in the first place.

[Frame]

Turtlerock said what I was thinking:

Almost like I am a burden to them, and my fears and problems do not matter for them to help me fix it.

It's not that you don't matter. I don't know you and I don't know your friends; But do know the feeling of wanting to help someone but not having the resources. Urging you to find new resources may be the best they can do. I think it's important to acknowledge and thank them to doing there best, even it they can't fix it.

I still say depression is a natural response to stress.

Sometimes, like right now, I just cry, and while it makes me feel better, I don't know exactly why or what I'm crying about, and nothing gets resolved.

That you don't know why indicates to me that the root cause isn't easy to see, perhaps buried beneath well learned coping skills. And, I think, having trusted friends and professionals to discuss yourself with (to hold up a lucid mirror) is essential for self discovery. But it's your discovery to make. And of course, in the process, it's important to be a lucid mirror for others.