why cant i be strong? why am i so weak?..

[_Ihatethislife/:]

I feel so alone. not even my close friends can tell if something is wrong with me or not.. they see a smile, a laugh and they all think that everything is fine with me. that things have gotten better. but no, im so weak.. im afraid that things just wont get any better. I wish I was strong. But im so weak . I went back to the old habits as in cutting myself again. im just afraid that things will get worst. I haven't cut in my arms anymore because im afraid that my mom or somebody else will see them. I started cutting in my stomach and sometimes in my legs too /: I feel like im drowning in this world of pain. I wish I was happy again, but sometimes I just feel like I cant go any further, but im to weak to even commit suicide.. I don't know if that's good or bad.. I honestly , want to be gone but then again I want to beat this monster that's inside of me. I just don't know anymore, im scared .. scared to face reality. scared of what the future will bring.

[staystrong45]

I know what you mean. I am too scared to take my life so I just feel stuck. Like there is no way out and I'm forced to deal with everything by myself. I have different reasons. Everyone does, I guess. But I have a friend who cuts herself too. and its really scary. I dont know why you're sad. but know that you're not alone. It's a battle that so many people are trying to fight. I know youve probably heard the things that cutting can do. I don't know if you're religious at all but someone out there made you and if you don't think you're worth it someone else thinks you are. Please stop hurting yourself. Respect your body. Fight against the urge because even in all that pain, self harming-especially if you haven't done it in a while- makes you feel worse. Things do get better. They have to. That's the only hope you can have. I probably didn't help you, but if anything I hope I made you feel a little bit better.

[_Ihatethislife/:]

yes, like you said its like a battle but honestly I don't know how longer I can deal with all of this.. its slowly taking over me and im scared. I want to keep on going, but then again why shouldn't I just give up? and the urge to cut gets worst day by day. I just feel like I have to cut myself. but what if things don't get better? /: you really are helping me, making me realize things, and think over some of the thoughts I have been having. but im just to weak. thank you though .