Words from a so-called "Friend"

[BrokenPen]

Just to warn you that there are some possible triggers here.

Recently, I had spoken with a friend of mine about why I had left my previous job. Those of you who had read my previous forum post might know this but I'll reiterate:

"The job was physically demanding on my arms, my feet and my back. And on top of that I there was this boss I had by the name of Stacy. A middle-aged woman who had the attitude towards me like a Southern Plantation Slave Driver. Even when I was working at my most fast in picking up boxes, putting them on the shelves and going back again it still wasn't fast enough."

When I told all this to my "Friend" here's what she said:

"This is the problem with doing almost no physical labor the first 30 years of your life. Because quite honestly there are jobs out there and a lot of them require manual labor and it is the way of things... I've scrubbed toilets for a living, cleaned a notell motel for a living, bucked hay and all sorts of other things... there is something as being too proud to take a job and there is no place in the world for folks like that. the jobs are there - you're going to have to get out in the world and do what it takes... you've lived with your mom for far too long and it has caused you not to progress socially or personally. Stand up, get out there, and become independent."

And I agree, I am trying to become independent but she makes it seem like it's so easy. Is it really my fault that out of all the places I apply to that hardly anyone calls me back?

And how could I not take her words personally that said, "There's no place in the world for folks like that." It's almost like she was saying, "There's no place in the world for someone like you." And that already led me back to my own square one thought of considering suicide, or as I like to call it "Self Euthanasia".

It also brought to mind one Christmas vacation with my brother where he was trying to "coach" me through the fact that I didn't have a job at the time. And he said, "You might as well kill yourself."

and now I'm starting to wonder if he was right.

[Destination]

"The job was physically demanding on my arms, my feet and my back. And on top of that I there was this boss I had by the name of Stacy. A middle-aged woman who had the attitude towards me like a Southern Plantation Slave Driver. Even when I was working at my most fast in picking up boxes, putting them on the shelves and going back again it still wasn't fast enough."

Bosses like that are not good bosses. Everyone has limitations. I can do a good job but I can not work quickly, if someone is looking for an employee that works quickly, they might want to be recruiting people from the fast food joints.

"This is the problem with doing almost no physical labor the first 30 years of your life. Because quite honestly there are jobs out there and a lot of them require manual labor and it is the way of things... I've scrubbed toilets for a living, cleaned a notell motel for a living, bucked hay and all sorts of other things... there is something as being too proud to take a job and there is no place in the world for folks like that. the jobs are there - you're going to have to get out in the world and do what it takes... you've lived with your mom for far too long and it has caused you not to progress socially or personally. Stand up, get out there, and become independent."

While it is true that there are a lot of jobs that require manual labor, this has nothing to do with the fact of whether or not you have or haven't done physical labor the first 30 years of your life.

The jobs your friend has done in his or her life are irrelevant. Your friend is not you, and does not have your advantages or your limitations.

When your friend states that you have lived with your mom for "far too long" it becomes clear to me that your friend thinks everyone has the same financial situation. These days there are multi-generations living in one household because it is financially impossible to live by yourself with the skyrocketing prices of rent and the low wages that most jobs are willing to pay. Furthermore, independence has nothing to do with whether or not you live with your parents.

Is it really my fault that out of all the places I apply to that hardly anyone calls me back?

Now I don't know the situation as far as you applying for work so I can't say whether or not you are at fault, I can how ever say this:

How are you doing a company or yourself a favor, when you apply for a job that you are unable to do? Apply for the jobs you know you can do. If it is office work, apply for that. If it is Inventory, apply for that. Apply for the jobs where your skills count and steer clear of the jobs that you know for a fact will go far beyond the limits of what you are able to do.

And how could I not take her words personally that said, "There's no place in the world for folks like that." It's almost like she was saying, "There's no place in the world for someone like you."

After considering this statement, I have to say, it may be time to think hard about the relationship you have with this friend of yours. If you want to continue being friends with this person, you might want to be upfront with them. Tell them how the above statement made you feel and that you will no longer tolerate any sort of put downs.

Friends are supposed to encourage you and have your back, if they know you are doing something wrong, they should be talking to you in a kind and compassionate manner, not stating their judgement of how they think things should be. Same goes for your brother.

Friends and family should be a loving support system, not an iron fist. You should not allow anyone to say anything negative to you. Constructive criticism is vastly different to put downs.

The people you hang out with have an effect on your life. This sounds trite but it is true. I always found that if I hung out with people that were negative, I began to feel negative about myself and the world in general. If I hung out with people that were positive influences, I felt better about myself and more motivated to try things that I wouldn't ordinarily have considered.

I really hope this helps you in some small way. You can do anything you set your mind to as long as you keep your mind open and keep your hope alive.

(( hugs if you want them ))

[BrokenPen]

(( hugs if you want them ))

*Hug Back* Thanks much I think your words were far more encouraging than anything this woman had said to me.

[Destination]

Thanks I'm glad to hear that, good luck with the job hunting, I know how stressful that can be!

[BrokenPen]

Thanks I'm glad to hear that, good luck with the job hunting, I know how stressful that can be!

Yes and it's more difficult with someone like myself who goes about with this illness of depression like it was heavy luggage. ANd it really weighs you down when the ideas of failure start coming back up.

[Destination]

Yes and it's more difficult with someone like myself who goes about with this illness of depression like it was heavy luggage. ANd it really weighs you down when the ideas of failure start coming back up.

Yes, I agree with you there. The trick is to try not to let it get you down. I know that is easier said than done. I work 6 hours a week but it is not enough income so I am also job hunting and it is really frustrating at times. I just keep doing the best I can and hoping to get work somewhere.

[BrokenPen]

Yes and it's more difficult with someone like myself who goes about with this illness of depression like it was heavy luggage. ANd it really weighs you down when the ideas of failure start coming back up.

Yes, I agree with you there. The trick is to try not to let it get you down. I know that is easier said than done. I work 6 hours a week but it is not enough income so I am also job hunting and it is really frustrating at times. I just keep doing the best I can and hoping to get work somewhere.

I know what you mean. I know that I can't let it get me down but it's hard not to.

[Destination]

(( huggles ))) yes I know. But you'll find something, and it will be something that doesn't break your back in the process