How do I fix my life?

[aiko137]

My family has been the cause of my depression. However, I have no money at all and I have no job. I've been looking for a job ever since I graduated from Seattle University, a year ago, and haven't been employed since.

*****if you want to skip to the end, I understand. I tried to keep this as short as possible*****

I graduated with a BA in Business Administration. The thing is, I have no interest in business. I basically figured this out a couple months before graduation because it would've been stupid to change my major in that short of time. I've been looking all summer for a job because I couldn't get an internship when I was attending school and I have had NO luck whatsoever. I mean, not even a single call back for an interview!

During this time, I've realized I want to be in graphic design, but I can't go back to school because I have NO money left. I mean zero. I can't borrow any more money because I have to pay back my loans like within the next month. I can't ask my parents for money for school because they already paid for my school once and are struggling to fend for themselves. I know I need to get a job, even if it's one I don't like, just to pay the bills, but honestly there are no jobs here where I live. The only places to work are at the mall or as a bikini barista (which I'm not going to do). I'm not going back to my old job because I was called a names by the CUSTOMERS and the managers didn't do anything about it. It's either that or be overworked by a crappy retail store. I mean, I'm STUCK!

I've tried contacting alumni services and career services at my college, this was THE first thing I did, but they said the only way someone can help me only if I hired them, which I can't! And career services basically said each alumni has three meetings with them: one resume review, a check up meeting to see if the alum is using the services wisely and a final review meeting. I already did all of those the last quarter I was there, like three months before graduation. And they told me they only allow three since 'there was an increase in current students' i.e. freshman since all Seattle University wants to do is to get their name out to the public and make the community aware of the the school eventhough they don't even have the capacity for all of the incoming students in the first place!

I'm stuck and have no where to go! I don't know what to do! I want to move out but don't know how. I went to see my counselor today because I have depression. Basically she said that I live in a toxic environment; my family isn't really a family- it's just four people living under one roof. No one supports me in my family. My older brother is basically a bully and my dad doesn't stand up for me or my little brother.

This happened in late September of 2011:

My older brother and mom got into a heated arguement. It honestly sounded like they were going to **** each other. I called the cops because I felt like my safety was in jepordy. My dad got angry at me for calling the cops. He said he didn't want any cops around the house, especially the garage. I'm pretty sure he has an illegal substance in the garage and been smoking it for who knows how many years. And basically yelled at me for 'Calling the cops on your own family. You're a bad person. Yo momma and brother been arguing for years. You should be used to it. It's in [Filipino's] culture' That kind of BS They've been like this for years, more like as far I can remember. There's always fighting in my house-my dad against my older brother or my older brother against my mom or my mom against my dad. I'm just sick of just sitting back and can do anything about it other than endure it; my younger brother and myself. It's just complete BS and my parents (more like my dad) feels and pushes that 'it's normal behavior and just deal with it. We're your family and you should love us no matter what {eventhough we don't acknowledge you, actually listen to you or respect you like a person}


I really want to go back to school for graphic design, but I have no money to. I can't take out any more loans until I pay back the ones I already have. And my counselor has been suggesting that I get a job in Seattle and live on my own, which will improve my depression (I REALIZE this and I am WILLING to do this). However, since I have no money, I can't get up and move because I'll have no way to feed myself or anything. I've been applying to entry level, retail, etc, even McDonald's and Wendy's and have been rejected from every single one of them. What my counselor asked is "What will it take for me to leave?" and I responded "When someone physically hits me." And I don't think that will happen because everyone in my family knows if they were to throw a punch, they would go to jail.

I don't know what to do and I'm seriously stressing out here. I have severe depression:

-Family is basically the cause of my depression and is bringing me down more each day
-I don't have any friends to stay with
-Can't just get up and run away since have no money to get food or shelter
-I basically don't have a support group at all
-I have no money at all
-I have no job and been unemployed for the past year

Please help me, I'm desperate.

[nlgalloway]

Dear Aiko - reading your post, I can see why you're depressed! The family situation sounds miserable. What you need to do each day is GET OUT OF THE HOUSE. Find some place to volunteer: United Way can help http://www.uwkc.org/ways-to-volunteer/, or just go to your local library, school or church.
Once you're volunteering, offer your graphic art skills (I presume you have some) and start getting a name for that.
This will give you something for your resume, a way to see if graphic arts is really for you, and - best of all- give you some place to go every day.
Good luck!

[aiko137]

I've been volunteering at the Boys & Girls club where I live, but I just couldn't take it there any more. The at risk kids there didn't treat me like a person, so I quit after 5 MONTHS of volunteering. I don't have a school to go to anymore. Didn't have a support group there either. I don't go to church either. And I don't have any graphic art skills. I don't know photoshop. I can't learn online since I learn better if someone physically helps me in person. I can't draw. All I do is copy other images on deviantart, but I mimic well. I just can't create any drawing on my own.