My life

[lostman]

My life sucks!! Really it does.But I guess most the folks here feel that way.So at least in that respect I dont feel alone.Anyway yeah I grew up had a bad childhood,parents got divorced an all.While they were married though I remember all the times dad come home drunk and him an mom would be fighting,It was bad.Grade school was bad,always getting into fights and all,always getting swats ,then getting more when got home.High school was even worse.Turned out the principle was a pedophile that liked the boys.Well one day he propositioned me an I left.Boy was he upset!! But anyway I did finish school,it was a miracle,but I did.So anyway for years life was really good.I had good jobs,nice cars,yeah I liked the hot rods,the girls did to.Finally got married when I was 32,and life was good.Found out later that wife couldnt have kids,but that didnt really bother me.Anyway she wanted a divorce 9 years ago,and well that was my downfall I guess. I had problems with DUI's before got divorced,which probably led to that happening,but heck she had me aressted a couple so got one dui in driveway at home.So I got on anti depressants,150 mg Zolfots,and 150 mg trazedone's.to help me sleep said the DR.Well that didnt help!! Actually I kinda went off the deep end,started drinking even more,going to bars and trying to start fights. Actually kinda wanted to die,but guess wanted a big police shootout.Well got busted for dui,and felony fleeing across a state line.Wife divorced me while in jail and married someone else 2 weeks later.She killed me then.yeah even though im still warm and breathing,Im not happy.I had a girfriend for the last 6 years.She passed away 3 weeks ago.She was 52.So her fam damily while she was in hospital forbade me to see her,her Mom said my gf didnt even like me anyway,now remember we were together for 6 years and she never said anything like that to me,so anyway they forced me to move out,so came back home to my Mom and sisters and my gf died.I wasnt able to tell her how much I loved her,or say goodbye,or anything. Then her fam damily wouldnt even let me come to the funeral.Oh an I lost my little part time job I had to. Im depressed.On top of that cause I dont hae my dl,I cant get a job,if someone would give me a job I could get it back,its just a money thing,but no job =no money. Now im stuck here in a little po dunk town cant go anywhere cause they dont have buses.Just dont know what to do about that.
Now its been so long since ive had a real job,or even a real relationship.My gf that just passed on was disabled so we didnt have a sexual relationship,I took her some places,mostly dr appts,and did nice things for her cause her family didnt really care about her or anything she owned.But I made her happy,even though I was struggling with my own happiness.Well struggling with my self in general.I dont want to talk to people,I dont really want to look for work,I dont even much care about coming out of my room,well do hafta go potty.I dont want to do anything.Its hard for me to care about anything.Been thinking about getting some weed an see if that helps lol.
Anyway guess ina nutshell thats my story.Probably left out a lot of details but since my gf died an I didnt get any closure on that well dont know.

[dd-va]

Lostman, thank you for sharing your story. I am sorry for your loss. I hope that things improve for you soon. Take care!