sorry to myself.. (triggering material)

[anis01]

Hi,

I just want to share after I sit and look into myself recently, I feel like something missing.My situation like I am OK, but I always feel not OK.Also, pls dont have any taught if its because I alone which no bf, actually its not seem like that way.

Here, actually I also dont know until when I could survive. I tried to make my life happy with people surround me but silent reminder from my thought and sound inside myself to end of my life always appears. And absolutely all arrangement had been done about what I'll left behind for people who love me.

I tried to be tough to continue my life like others. But its looks like this way could not help me to solve or avoid the strong negative thought to die. At this moment I feel, inside myself seriously ready to do as per plan.Am I feel afraid?Definitely I say YES at this moment.

Also, I want to share here, I dont know why suddenly I feel really sorry to myself and sad in deep inside myself?Am I crazy?I dont think so because I still good in manage my work and give reasonable respond to solve any problem with my staff at office.

I tried to use counselor but when I be with her, I could not speak out.And, what I feel strange to myself, why I must be cry when tried to speak out?So,I just do my own conclusion that I must face it if the time come. I know its could be near start from now and I must get ready too.

I really hope God always bless me for the way I die.

-Anis01-

[hollyann]

Hi Anis.

Crying can be a form of speaking out too. Its as needed as talking sometimes and afterwards you might be able to talk. If this counselor isnt able to get things out of you maybe you should find another.

If you have a plan or thinking about it, you should call a crisis line, or let your doctor know immediately. Or your conselor. Are you on meds?

You are here, you are posting, so you are trying to make an effort to get better. It took a lot of courage to talk to us here. Thank you.

holly

[anis01]

Hi Holly,

I am a failure.
Fail to myself. I always feel my life empty.
Now,I like do my routine as walk on the air until the time come.
Its hard for me to believe counselor may help me.
I could not bear myself unhappy anymore.
Whats terrible am I, right?