Struggles of a 15 year old?

[AndiCoe]

I honestly have no idea why I am bothering myself to try and type down useless thoughts in a plea for someone to listen and maybe care, for once Maybe a measly person could listen and understand something I nor anyone around me seems to. Alone, a feeling alot of people don't truly understand. Not only do I dread waking up each morning, but the lack of self-confidence and self hate is literally and physically hurting me. No I don't cut myself. But I beat myself up by letting others walk all over me daily. I have been having nightmares lately.. About my mom. She really tries to make me happy, but at the same time she shuts me out, she doesn't want to hear me I can feel it. So I suck everything up and play the role everyone wants me too. It isn't her fault, Its mine. I cage myself from trying to get help. I'm afraid to tell anyone. Guidance counselors at my high school are all work they are not there to talk about problems. I need someone but were too poor too afford anyone even medication. So I am a 15 year old girl Who is her own cage. I trap myself. I'm stupid and and filled with so much self hate. I need someone. I cant talk to friends. no one but a few people even know I'm 15 and still suck my fingers. So stupid. I cant even cry in public. I feel like i have to be strong or a shell for the public "happy" each day at school. It physically exhausts me. I just would like someone to listen to my story. My problems, and get help for my depression and anxiety even though I cant afford meds..

[silenttone]

AndiCoe , I am exactly the same, although I cut. I can't tell anyone I feel alone,scared, angry, and depressed. My parents don't believe me though, when i say i am depressed. They think It is some phase, or That i am lying. A few years they found out about my cutting, it went away for a few months, came back as soon as they stopped caring.

I hope you know that I understand, PM me
We can talk, I hope

[St8arrow]

I honestly have no idea why I am bothering myself to try and type down useless thoughts in a plea for someone to listen and maybe care, for once Maybe a measly person could listen and understand something I nor anyone around me seems to. Alone, a feeling alot of people don't truly understand. Not only do I dread waking up each morning, but the lack of self-confidence and self hate is literally and physically hurting me. No I don't cut myself. But I beat myself up by letting others walk all over me daily.

From St8arrow:

You are suffering from a fear of failure concerning achievements that are important to you. This fear has left you in a state where you literally hate yourself. Sometimes when we fear something so badly, we actually engage in activities that make the fear come true.

You are not alone in this kind of dilemma. With the right kind of behavioral consulting by others on this site, or by a cognitive behavioral therapist, you can overcome your problems without resorting to the use of medication. In reality, the efficiency of these medications is being questioned on a grand scale at the present time. One of those questions concerns the efforts of the psychiatric profession to label almost everyone, (except perhaps themselves), as in need of some kind of medication that acts upon the human mind.

From AndiCoe:

--- I need someone but we are too poor to afford anyone, --- even medication.

From St8arrow:

If you are honest with one of the counselors at your school, including the fact that your family cannot afford psychological help, I believe they will find a way to help you. I would strongly suggest that you ask for a cognitive behavioral therapist. If that person suggests that you should take a medication for a short period of time, --- then so be it.

From AndiCoe:

So I am a 15 year old girl Who is her own cage. I trap myself. I'm stupid and and filled with so much self hate. I need someone. I cant talk to friends. no one but a few people even know I'm 15 and still suck my fingers. So stupid. I cant even cry in public. I feel like i have to be strong or a shell for the public "happy" each day at school. It physically exhausts me. I just would like someone to listen to my story. My problems, and get help for my depression and anxiety even though I cant afford meds..

Congratulations on the exquisite way in which you have described your situation. This ability on your part, makes me believe that you will begin to understand your problems and find solutions for them in the not too distant future. Please don't give up. All of us on this site are here to help you; even if it is just allowing you an open space to vent.

[Destination]

Though my problems aren't the same as yours, I also worry because I can't afford medication. However it was recently suggested to me by someone on this site that I might find a free or very low cost clinic around if I looked.

It turns out there is one in my area that I can visit if I can scrape together five dollars.

Maybe you could try the same thing. Or even a for free group for depressed people that just get together and talk about things that are bothering them. If you could find something like that maybe it would give you the key to unlocking the box you find yourself in.

Hope things get better for you.

[St8arrow]

Though my problems aren't the same as yours, I also worry because I can't afford medication. However it was recently suggested to me by someone on this site that I might find a free or very low cost clinic around if I looked.

It turns out there is one in my area that I can visit if I can scrape together five dollars.

Maybe you could try the same thing. Or even a for free group for depressed people that just get together and talk about things that are bothering them. If you could find something like that maybe it would give you the key to unlocking the box you find yourself in.

Hope things get better for you.

Don't look now AndieCoe, but that is exactly what you have right here on this site. Thanks for your valuable contributions,--- Destination. Incidentally, your quote from Bernard Shaw at the bottom of your posts is right on the money.

[Destination]

I've found the quote to be very true. I see the results of a rigid unchanging attitude every day. I picked it to remind myself not to become the same.

[St8arrow]

I've found the quote to be very true. I see the results of a rigid unchanging attitude every day. I picked it to remind myself not to become the same.

I like your reasoning. I hope you don't mind if I borrow it from time to time.

[Destination]

Sure St8arrow, go ahead.

AndiCoe I hope things are going a bit better for you since you last posted.

(( hugs for you if you want them ))