Struggling

[apf7]

I cant help feeling like there is just something wrong with me. Like the way I feel isnt normal. Theres a constant battle going on inside me and I have no idea why, or if there is something wrong with me or if its just in my head. I dont even know where to start, ive never talked about it before to anyone. Theres just a feeling of emptiness and lonliness in me and I feel like it just runs so deep within me that theres no help for me, its like I was just born this way. I dont even know exactly how to describe it so that it can be understood. I just hate myself. Im so unhappy all the time, I feel like I dont even know what "happy" feels like. To my friends and family I probably seem pretty normal, I put up a good front. I always pretend to be happy and like nothing in my life is wrong, but at the end of the day when its just me and my thoughts, its torture. If you asked me to tell you one good thing about myself, I couldnt do it. im incapable of expressing true feeling besides sadness and anger and hurt. Im not good enough in every single aspect of existance. I dont know why I feel this way, but ive felt it for as long as I can remember, im only 20 but I dont know what to do anymore. Im too embarrassed to say any of this to anyone including a doctor because im so afraid of being judged or someone thinking that im just being an overdramatic girl. I dont know what to do.

[balcony]

Hi apf7, and welcome to the forum. It sounds as if you are having a very tough time, I am sorry. You have taken a step by reaching out and posting here, and I hope it helps a bit. Doctors and therapists are very trained to understand how you are feeling so I would not worry about being judged. The judgment is coming from within yourself and that is so destructive. Depresion needs no reason or cause, and it does not indicate any failure on your part. You can feel better and learn helpful things to cope better. I encourage you to reach out to someone and ask for support. We have a chat room here, you might give that a try and see if talking with others helps. Good luck and I look forward to hearing more from you, big hug.