New to forum, PTSD Sufferer with a lot of tragedy in past

[seramamomma]

I am new this forum but I would like to make friends and introduce myself. I have depression all my life. Both my brother and sister committed suicide and I have uncles on both maternal and paternal side that committed suicide. I had on a scale of 1-10, I had a 9 in level of abuse and dysfunction in my early life. I was very emotionally unfit and after all these years, I do have some moments of real happiness. I have survivor guilt big time. Every time I get happy, I remember that my brother didn't make it and I feel guilty that I'm still alive.

My son also suffers from severe depression. I think when you have (everybody in your family actually) close family members who are very depressed, it makes it harder to lift yourself out of your depression yourself.

Lately, I have three people in my life that were diagnosed with late stage cancer and they will dye within the next three years. It's depressing to see them lose their hair and lose so much weight.

My son is a disabled veteran and in much pain. It is hard to look at him and not feel depressed and helpless.

I am a very positive person and most people have no idea of my terrible past or my ongoing problem with depression. I think I spent most of the last four years in bed most of the day. I did start exercising and that helped a lot but I am overwhelmed with daily chores (as I live on a farm and have so much work to be done daily). The good news is that it does get me out of bed and animals comfort me very much. I have pretty much become a recluse in the last few years. When I do see my friends, I am very upbeat but still the depression looms underneath. I have been better with my depression in the last six months because I ended a bad relationship and a horrible lawsuit ended. I have to admit that my sister's suicide five years ago (although it devestated me) was a lifting of a burden since she was an alcoholic and very, very mentally ill and always getting into situations that I needed to rescue her from.

So I'm anxious to make friends, offer my support and understanding. I am so grateful for a place to go to heal.

[dd-va]

seramamomma,
Hi! And welcome to the forums, so glad that you found this! So sorry to hear of all the sadness in your life. Feel free to browse through the forums, I am sure you will find many people that you can identify with. Also, we have a chat room here at DU that is another great place for support! I hope that you will try it out. Take Care and keep posting!

[seramamomma]

I do well at the trivia and it takes me mind off of me problems!