Where did I go wrong? I lost a friend :(

[Tantalus]

Hi everyone, hope you are all well. Just need a little help and advice with something if that's ok?

I met a new friend about 3 months ago, we got on brilliantly. Already I love him to bits (not in the romantic sense, just a friendship sense) and think of him as one of my best friends. But, I screwed up.

A couple of weekends ago, I had a major falling out with my family at work on the Friday. I ran away. Started driving north, realised I didn't know anywhere up north apart from where he lived. Figured I'd go there. I text him when I was about 10 miles away telling him I was near by. He was fine with that, he said he was on his way into work but would meet me afterwards. That was fine with me. I got a hotel room, went into town, bought some clothes so I had something to change into and waited. Turns out something came up and he was unable to meet me and was on his way back to where I come from (he's going to university here) the very next day. Hence, the next morning, I went home.

Ended up in the pub on Saturday night and got a text from him asking where I was, within minutes of my reply he turned up. I admittedly was not in a good mood. Depression was getting the better of me, Friday daytime was playing over in my head and yes, I was miserable. We went to a different pub and met some mutual friends, he tried all night to persuade me to come to a pub which I hate and have absolutely no intention of going in again after an incident which happened there. Eventually he went off and I went back to the original pub.

The next morning, I was feeling a bit better and wanted to see him to apologise for being so morbid the previous evening. I text him but no reply. I waited about 4 hours then tried to ring him. Phone was dead. He told me it was dying the night before. So, to a pub I go. Tried ringing him again when I got there, still dead. Ok, I thought, I'll message his housemate via facebook and see if he can pass a message on to him for me. I wrote a long but polite message just asking if he could pass on to my friend that I was in the pub and would like to see him before he left the next day.

A few hours later I get a text simply saying "Where r u NEED TO TALK!!" I told him where I was and he turned up and pretty much tells me that all my behaviour over the weekend has been completely unreasonable especially contacting his housemate. Summing it all up to that he doesn't want to know me unless I sort my head out. I was upset but didn't cry or anything in front of him. I was composed. He left and I haven't seen him since.

I gave it a week and I text him on Sunday just saying "Are you ready to talk to someone who can think rationally now?" I've had no reply.

Now my questions are:

Was my behaviour unreasonable?
Was I acting like a stalker? (I have since been called this on facebook)
Should I try again to contact him?
What do I do now?

Now, I must stress how much I want the friendship with this person. When we get on, we get on very well and I have that with very few people.

I'd appreciate any help and advice you can give me on this.

I thank you for your time.

Tantalus x

[crystalgaze]

Wow, I'm not sure what to say. It is up to you.


All I can state is what I do, when it comes to my life.



Here's how I would handle it. Your mileage may vary.


If someone expresses not wanting to be in contact with me, I leave them alone. As hard or as easy as it may be, I do my best to move on with my life. If I needed to apologize, that is what I may [try to] do, if the person will allow it. If the individual doesn't want to hear anything, then I graciously exit the situation, stage right. Thank you for the good times; it was great while it lasted.

My boyfriend (ex, past partner?) is like that. I try to adapt his view on life, so that I can maintain myself, my mind. He is interesting. If I didn't [re-]learn anything else from him, that's the 1 thing I did & it's to say thank you (for the good & don't worry with the rest). Something else good will come along for you.

I have tried to remember that concept of thank you, even in heartache. There's too much of it, but perhaps it happening now has saved you a far worse pain later on down the road.... ??


If you would like to continue to try with this person, give it some time 1st & then try again. (Maybe 1 month or so?) Just make sure to check that the situation is mutual/reciprocal. You call; he calls & that sort of thing.

[Obayan]

for me, i'm the type person who doesn't like contact every single day with the same person. but that's just me. i like to have some time to myself as well. maybe just give them some time and then see how it goes?

[AngelOnFire]

distance yourself from him ... distance your mind from thoughts of him ... give him some time to sort his mind ... to settle his emotions ... true friends will always come back.

[shakirah]

Give him sometime to handle things for himself and divert all your attentions with many task that you have right now.

If he really consider you as a friend then time will come that he will contact you.