My life.. Lucky me.

[katei]

Well, about 3 years ago I was raped. I'd been for a walk, ironically, to clean my head after my parents had had a major arguement. (At this time, my dad was being put in a cell weekly and beating my mum up, so I decided to just leave the house for a bit.)

I got lost. A guy drove up in his car, but I wasn't quite that stupid. I tried to avoid him, but down a country lane, where is there to go without getting even more lost? He out powered me easily, I had been walking for the past 5 hours and I had no energy to fight back as such. Infact, at the time, I wasn't too bothered if he kidnapped me. At least it'd get me away from home.

After raping me, he dragged me back to his car to show me something in hte boot. He brought out pictures of a dead girl, around my age at the time, warning me what would happen to both me and my family if I ever breathed a word about it. So I didn't say anything about it.

About a year later, I was over it. I'd started dating again, was quite sociable, was doing well at school, ect ect. My dad had been sent to jail for 6 months, so I wasn't even having any home troubles. It was all going fine, until I saw him again. At first, I was hoping he hadn't recognised me, but he just walked straight up to me and told me we'd 'have to have a catch up sometime' before smiling and walking off. I was left to act normal with my friends, whilst inside I was falling apart. I soon left my friends and went home.

I knew I couldn't speak, i'd rather be raped then jeapordise my family's lifes. Who wouldn't? But then I started thinking about it. What were the odds he would be able to find my family and kill them all? Surely the police would be able to protect us? I was prepping myself up to talk to someone and tell them waht had happened, when that morning, walking to school. I saw him again. He raped me again, assuring me he knew exactly where I lived, giving me the road number and street. I've still no idea how he found out.

And so it went on. And on. Now, I rarely leave my house, unless I need to. I don't work, I have very few friends, and these are people I only talk to through IM. He's petrified me into never speaking, but I know I need to. He could be doing this to countless other girls, but i've not got the strength to talk. Anyway, I couldn't risk my familys lifes. I tried to move away, join the navy, but he found out about both, even knowing what flats I was trying to get in. I've no idea how he could find out so much about me and i'm so scared of seeing him again.

Some days I just sit there and think of endless ways to kill myself, but it's not something I want to do. I want to live, I want to make something of myself, but with him about... I just don't know how.

It's so stupid. I just don't know what to do anymore. >.<

[Warmsoul/Jeanie13]

((((((((((((katei))))))))))))))))

My heart is breaking fo you. Please, please consider talking to someone with authority. If he is doing this to you, how many others? In the United States they have undercover agents that step in on matters like this.

Consider getting help, stopping him before it is too late. All I can advise or ask of you. I know it is easier said than done, but for your safety, your families, please consider doing this.

Please take care of yourself, will keep you in my thoughts.

Warmie

[Neil]

watch whoever your talkin to in IM... who knows.. from what I just read I would be very cautious about them. Did you tell any of your online friends your plans of movingand joining the Navy?

[Lynne]

Katei,

I too, have been raped. However, I was not tracked down and harassed as you have been. I don't have any great advice, (I rarely do) but I hope things improve for you. Please remember that it wasn't due to your (percived) faults that you were raped. Do not blame yourself. That's what the ***asshole*** would want of you.

[Emotional_77]

Oh my Katei how horrible is that what you have to go through. I would advise the same and tell someone. I can only imagine the horror you have gone through and I will keep my prayers with you. Keep in touch. ((((((((((((((((((((katei)))))))))))))))))))))

[Warmsoul/Jeanie13]

((((((((((((((((( Katei ))))))))))))))))))))

A hug coming your way to let you know we care. Post again and vent all you need. Support is here for you.

Warmie